做真正的自己——Ellen

1、 做真正的自己Ellen When I finished school, I was completely lost. And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway. And I - I really, I had no ambition, I didnt know what I wanted to do. I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I w

2、as a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vaccuum cleaners, I had no idea. And I thought Id just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didnt really have a plan, my point is that, by the time I was your age, I really thought I kne

3、w who I was, but I had no idea. Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men. So what Im saying is, when youre older, most of you will be gay. Anyone writing this stuff down? Parents?當(dāng)我從學(xué)校畢業(yè)的時(shí)候，我完完全全迷失了自我，學(xué)校我指的是初中（大家笑），后來我也繼續(xù)念完了高中。我當(dāng)時(shí)，沒有任何的野心，不知道自己想做什么。我什么工作都做，我挖生蠔，當(dāng)帶位員，做酒保，當(dāng)服務(wù)生，粉刷房子，賣吸塵器

4、完全不知道自己想做什么。我只想隨便找個(gè)糊口的工作，過一輩子，能有錢負(fù)得起房租就行，我完全沒有任何計(jì)劃。我想說的是，當(dāng)我像你們這么大的時(shí)候，我真的以為我了解自己，但其實(shí)我并不了解，舉例來說，我像你們這么大的時(shí)候，還在和男人約會(huì)（大家大笑）。所以我的意思是：當(dāng)你們?cè)匍L大些后，大多數(shù)的人，都會(huì)是gay!（場內(nèi)爆笑，ellen自己也笑了）Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event. I was maybe

5、19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident. And I passed the accident, and I didnt know it was her and I kept going, and I found out shortly after that, it was her. And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and

6、the apartment was infested with fleas. And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? I dont understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldnt it be so convenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions.總之，當(dāng)時(shí)我不知道我的人生要干嘛，而最后我找到了我人生

7、目標(biāo)，卻是因?yàn)橐患直瘧K的事。我那時(shí)可能才19歲，當(dāng)時(shí)的女朋友因?yàn)檐嚨溕硗隽恕Ｎ医?jīng)過了事故現(xiàn)場，并不知道是她，還繼續(xù)往前走。不久后，才知道那是她。我當(dāng)時(shí)住在地下室的公寓，沒有錢，沒有暖氣，房子里都是跳蚤。我困惑不已，心想，為何她突然走了，而為何我又呆再這樣一個(gè)境地里。我無法理解，但其中一定有什么理由。要是能直接拿起電話打給上帝問個(gè)清楚，不就太好了。And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, which was one-sided, and I finished

8、writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, and I hadnt even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. I said, Im gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson- at the time he was the king - and Im gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to si

9、t down. And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote.于是我開始寫一些東西，心里涌現(xiàn)出一段我和上帝的對(duì)話，雖然只是我一個(gè)人的獨(dú)白。當(dāng)我完成了它后，我閱讀了這個(gè)劇本，對(duì)自己說，我說我要在“今夜秀”上和強(qiáng)尼.卡森一起表演這一段。強(qiáng)尼.卡森是當(dāng)時(shí)主持屆的天王，我對(duì)自己說

10、我要成為該節(jié)目史上第一個(gè)被邀請(qǐng)和強(qiáng)尼一起坐下來訪問的女性。數(shù)年之后，我成為這個(gè)節(jié)目史上，第一位也是唯一一位，被邀請(qǐng)坐下來和他訪問的女性。就因?yàn)槟嵌挝覍懙暮蜕系鄞螂娫挼膭”?。And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay. And I thought if peopl

11、e found out they wouldnt like me, they wouldnt laugh at me.從此我開始做單人脫口秀，做得很成功，也很辛苦，因?yàn)槲蚁胗懞妹恳粋€(gè)人，同時(shí)又守著我身為同性戀的秘密。我想人們要是發(fā)現(xiàn)了，就不會(huì)喜歡我了。Then my career turned into - I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, another level of success. And I thought, what if they find out Im gay, then theyll never watch

12、, and this was a long time ago, this was when we just had white presidents - this was back, many years ago - and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, that I just couldnt live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative. And my character would

13、 come out at the same time, and it wasnt to make a political statement, it wasnt to do anything other than to free myself up from this heaviness that I was carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest. And I thought, Whats the worst that could happen? I can lose my career. I did. I lost my career. The show was cancelled after six years, without even telling me, I read it in the paper. The phone didnt ring for three years. I had no offers. Nobody wanted to touch me at all.后來我又有了自己的喜劇，也很成功，更進(jìn)一步的成功。我于是更擔(dān)心，要是別人發(fā)現(xiàn)了怎么辦，是不是就不會(huì)看我的節(jié)目了？這都是很久以前的事了，你們可能不知道，那都