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動(dòng)作鏈動(dòng)作鏈:故事躍動(dòng)的心臟01動(dòng)作鏈的概念1.概念
動(dòng)作描寫是情節(jié)推進(jìn)的重要工具,好比故事跳動(dòng)的心臟。將一個(gè)動(dòng)作分解成一步步的過(guò)程,就形成了連貫的“慢鏡頭描寫”。這就是動(dòng)作鏈。2.形式:
①
動(dòng)作A,動(dòng)作Band動(dòng)作C.【案例1】AsshecrossedtheopengroundinfrontoftheMoonandStarssheheardmenshouting,andsmelledthebeer,andhurriedalittle,thinkingherhusbandwasprobablyinthebar.【案例2】Thenshestraightenedthekitchen,litthelamp,mendedthefire,lookedoutthewashingforthenextday,andputittosoak.【解析】選自SonsandLovers第一章。案例1描述女主人公Mrs.Morel在集市中經(jīng)過(guò)酗酒丈夫常去的酒吧時(shí),連續(xù)描述了四個(gè)動(dòng)作hear/smell/hurry/think,使得這一場(chǎng)景連貫生動(dòng);案例2描述Mrs.Morel在等待丈夫歸來(lái)時(shí)候做家務(wù)的系列動(dòng)作,營(yíng)造隱忍苦悶的氛圍。②分詞A(done/doing/havingdone),動(dòng)作Band動(dòng)作C.【案例3】Thesuncameoutthroughthechinksofthevine-leavesandmadebeautifulpatterns,likealacescarf,fallingonherandonhim.【案例4】Thewomandroppedtheclothes,lookedatMrs.Morel,thenwnetonwithherwork,sayingnothing.【解析】選自SonsandLovers第一章。案例3描述了Mrs.Morel回憶少女時(shí)代與初戀情人坐在樹(shù)蔭下時(shí)的場(chǎng)景,通過(guò)太陽(yáng)的動(dòng)作描寫,展現(xiàn)出溫馨美好的氛圍;案例4描述了鄰居在面對(duì)Mrs.Morel拋出的問(wèn)題時(shí)欲言又止。02動(dòng)作鏈的功能功能一:調(diào)整節(jié)奏,烘托氛圍【案例3】Thesuncameoutthroughthechinksofthevine-leavesandmadebeautifulpatterns,likealacescarf,fallingonherandonhim.【解析】通過(guò)環(huán)境描寫中陽(yáng)光的變化,描述出光纖穿過(guò)樹(shù)葉間隙,灑在地上的漂亮形狀,緩和了情節(jié)的前進(jìn)。其中thesuncameout/madebeautifulpatterns預(yù)示著這是主人公生命中美好的一段時(shí)光,結(jié)合比喻,烘托出女主人公和她的情人芳心暗許的的美好氛圍。功能二:凸顯聚焦,襯托性格【案例5】“Oh--myboy!”shefaltered.Herlipstrembled,herfacebroke,and,snatchingupthechild,sheburiedherfaceinhisshoulderandcriedpainfully.【解析】選自SonsandLovers第一章。前文描寫了Mrs.Morel的丈夫,趁其不備時(shí),將她引以為傲的大兒子漂亮的紳士般的頭發(fā),剪掉了。此處Mrs.Morel看到兒子被剪得狗啃般的發(fā)型,又氣又惱,這一舉動(dòng)襯托出Mrs.Morel作為沒(méi)落貴族之女的驕傲被現(xiàn)實(shí)擊垮后的無(wú)力和絕望。03動(dòng)作描寫的問(wèn)題動(dòng)作描寫的問(wèn)題①動(dòng)詞使用籠統(tǒng),缺乏動(dòng)作連貫。②使用單個(gè)動(dòng)態(tài)動(dòng)作或靜態(tài)動(dòng)作。③描述漫無(wú)目的,失去描寫作用。04動(dòng)作鏈的寫作以22.12浙江Z20續(xù)寫為例
Cathy,mymom,whosepetphrase(口頭禪)was“Nevergiveup”,wasourfamily’sbeacon
ofpositivity.Itwasnotatitlesheearnedwithoutconcerted(一致的)effort,however.Whenshewasonlythirtyyearsold,herhusbandwaskilledinacaraccidentandshewaslefttoraisemealone.
Mymomcouldhavelivedunderablackcloud.Instead,shechallengedherselftofindjoyeveryday.Leadingbyexample,Momtaughtmejusthowmuchonecouldaccomplishwithapositiveattitude.Shehastakenthesameapproachinherrelationshipwithhergrandchildren--MaxandCharley.
Onehotsummerafternoon,mymomandhertwograndsons,havingspenttwohoursbuildingsandcastlesandcollectingseashellsonthebeach,sankintotheirbeachchairstohavearest.Howtheylongedfordeliciousicecreamtocoolthemselves,especiallythetwokids!
Suddenly,mymomheardthefamiliarloudclang(叮當(dāng)聲)oftheice-creammanbellfromherbeachchair.Sheturnedquicklyandsawhimbriefly,spottinghisdistinctivegreenshirtandcatchingthegleamofhiswavingbellbeforeheturnedanddisappearedoverthedunes(沙丘).
Happily,theice-creamman'svisitwasadailyoccurrenceatthebeach,althoughthelagtimebetweenthesoundofhisbellandthedepartureofhistruckwasnotlong.Onemustbequickenoughtocatchhimtobuytheicecream.
MaxandCharleywereingreatdisappointmentwhentheydidn'tcatchhimintimethatdaybecausetheyreallywantedtohaveatasteofthosecoolice-creams.Thatwasuntilmymom'seyessparkledandshesaidtothekids,“Nevergiveup!”Sheexplainedtothekidsthatthetruckmightbegone,buttheyshouldbeabletocatchhimupatitsnextstop.Andthekidsagreedimmediately.Paragraph1:SoMaxandCharley,accompaniedbymymom,begantheirmission.Paragraph2:MaxandCharley,encouragedbymymom,walkedanotherthreeblocks.動(dòng)作鏈的寫作:以22.12Z20續(xù)寫為例途徑1:庖丁解牛,按時(shí)間順序分解大動(dòng)作【場(chǎng)景】Max和Charley終于追趕上了冰激淋車。【潤(rùn)色】WhenMaxandCharleykeptrunningforalongtime,theyfinallysawthetruckagain.【改后】Thetwobrothersflailedtheirarms,draggedtheirfeettowadsthenextstop,andfinallyspottedthetruckagain.“追趕上”這個(gè)大動(dòng)作按時(shí)間順序分解為:擺動(dòng)雙臂+拖著身軀+看到車子動(dòng)作鏈的寫作:以22.12Z20續(xù)寫為例
途徑2:動(dòng)靜結(jié)合,按中心動(dòng)作創(chuàng)建動(dòng)作面【場(chǎng)景】Max和Charley終于追趕上冰激淋車?!緷?rùn)色】WhenMaxandCharleykeptrunningforalongtime,theyfinallysawthetruckagain.【動(dòng)作面描寫手段】
整體→局部;肢體→頭部/面部→語(yǔ)言/心理【改后】Flailingtheirarms/Clutchingtheirfistsintowhiteknots/Teethclenched,thetwobrothersstrode
forwardandfinallycaughtsightofthelovelytruckinthecolorofmacaron.整體→局部肢體→頭部/面部→語(yǔ)言/心理【改后】Wadingthroughtheboundlessbeach,hisfeetweaklikejelly,
Maxstrayedhiseyesintonothingnessoftheair,andfinallywailed,“Ican’tgoanyfurther!”動(dòng)作鏈的寫作:以22.12Z20續(xù)寫為例途徑3:有的放矢,輔修辭手法達(dá)成小目標(biāo)【場(chǎng)景】Max和Charley終于追趕上冰激淋車?!緷?rùn)色】WhenMaxandCharleykeptrunningforalongtime,theyfinallysawthetruckagain.【目的】此處的描寫目的在于突出追趕中的疲憊,以體現(xiàn)出奶奶的鼓勵(lì):Nevergiveup!的重要性。修辭手法:比喻/夸張/擬人/對(duì)比...途徑3:有的放矢,輔修辭手法達(dá)成小目標(biāo)比喻之前舒服的沙灘現(xiàn)在就像一塊巨大的鐵鍋,他們一邊走,熱氣一邊從底下冒上來(lái),燙到他們的腳板,也挫傷了他們的士氣。目的:突出孩子們和奶奶在追趕冰激淋車途中的疲憊。Theoncecozybeachagainthotpanforthem,theydraggedalongwhileheatrosesluggishlyfromtheirfeet,blisteredtheirskinanddiscouragedtheirmorale.途徑3:有的放矢,輔修辭手法達(dá)成小目標(biāo)目的:突出孩子們和奶奶在追趕冰激淋車途中的疲憊??鋸?zhí)焯珶崃?,Max仿佛流了好幾噸的汗水,抬手擦了擦汗,抬起腳來(lái)走下一步,但腳下的沙子仿佛有吸引力一般,將他的腳牢牢陷在里面。Sweatingfortons,Maxwepthisperspirationsawayandpulledhisfeetfromthesand,whichseemedasifithadastrongmagnettosinkthem.途徑3:有的放矢,輔修辭手法達(dá)成小目標(biāo)目的:突出孩子們和奶奶在追趕冰激淋車途中的疲憊。擬人明晃晃的太陽(yáng)用盡全力地炙烤他們身上的每一滴水分,刺痛他們的頭頂,消磨他們的意志?!拔易卟粍?dòng)了!”Charley忍不住哀嚎,他弓著背,雙手撐在膝蓋上,似乎要融化了。Theblazingsunjustwouldn’tleavethemalone.Itsuckedeverydropofthesweatdry,beatdownuponthemandworndowntheirwillpower.“Ican’twalkanyfurther!”Charleywhined,archedhisback,proppedhishandsontheknees,asifmeltingdown.途徑3:有的放矢,輔修辭手法達(dá)成小目標(biāo)目的:突出孩子們和奶奶在追趕冰激淋車途中的疲憊。對(duì)比孩子們已經(jīng)走得歪歪扭扭了,終于跌坐在路邊,熱氣把他們身上最后一絲力量都抽走了;反觀奶奶,額頭的汗水流進(jìn)了她眼窩里,襯得她的目光更為堅(jiān)定了。Thechildrenstaggeredon,thelasttraceofdeterminationextractedfromtheirbody,andfinallyparalyzedthemselvesontotheground.Theirgranny,however,stoodevenmorefirmthoughhersweatsweredrippingdownandflowingintohereyesockets.ForyourreferenceSoMaxandCharley,accompaniedbymymom,begantheirmission.Followingthewaythesoundofthetruckreceded,withthecravingfortheyummyicecream,thetwoboyssetoffatabriskpaceahead,andmymombroughtuptherear.However,aftertheytrottedforthreeblocksintheblazingsun,therewasstillneitherhidenorhairofthetruck.Theoncecozybeachagainthotpanforthem,theydraggedalongwhileheatrosesluggishlyfromtheirfeet,blisteredtheirskinanddiscouragedtheirmorale.Theirgranny,however,stoodevenmorefirmthoughhersweatsweredrippingdownandflowingintohereyesockets.“Nevergiveup,”camemymom’ssoftbutresolutevoiceasalways,“I’veaskedthepassers-by,andthevendormustappearbeforelong.”MaxandCharley,encouragedbymymom,walkedanotherthreeblocks.Allatonce,thefamiliarclangcametotheirearslikeaspringoffreshwaterinadesert.Beltingforward,thistime,theydidn’tmissthevendor.Lickingthehard-earnedicecream--asheerblissonahotsummerday,theboyschuckledandgobbleddown.Throughthesetangibleexperiencesindailylife,hersimplephrasehastakenitsrootinourmind,galvanizingoureffortstochallengethedestiny.05動(dòng)作鏈的實(shí)踐以23.1浙江真題“蜂鳥(niǎo)的報(bào)恩”為例
Iwasinvitedtoacookoutonanoldfriend’sfarminwesternWashington.Iparkedmycaroutsidethefarmandwalkedpastamilkinghousewhichhadapparentlynotbeenusedinmanyyears.Anoiseatawindowcaughtmyattention,soIenteredit.Itwasahummingbird(蜂鳥(niǎo)),desperatelytryingtoescape.Shewascoveredinspider-webs(蛛網(wǎng))andwasbarelyabletomoveherwings.SheceasedherstruggletheinstantIpickedherup.Withthebirdinmycuppedhand,Ilookedaroundtoseehowshehadgottenin.Thebrokenwindowglasswasthelikelyanswer.Istuffedapieceofclothintotheholeandtookheroutside,closingthedoorsecurelybehindme.WhenIopenedmyhand,thebirddidnotflyaway;shesatlookingatmewithherbrighteyes.Iremovedthestickyspider-websthatcoveredherheadandwings.Still,shemadenoattempttofly.Perhapsshehadbeenstrugglingagainstthewindowtoolongandwastootired?Ortoothirsty?
原題
AsIcarriedheruptheblackberry-linedpathtowardmycarwhereIkeptawaterbottle,shebegantomove.Istopped,andshesoontookwingbutdidnotimmediatelyflyaway.Hovering(懸停),sheapproachedwithinsixinchesofmyface.Foraverylongmoment,thistinycreaturelookedintomyeyes,turningherheadfromsidetoside.Thensheflewquicklyoutofsight.Duringthecookout,Itoldmyhostsaboutthehummingbirdincident.Theypromisedtofixthewindow.AsIwasdeparting,myfriendswalkedmetomycar.Iwasstandingbythecarwhenahummingbirdflewtothecenterofourgroupandbeganhovering.Sheturnedfrompersontopersonuntilshecametome.Sheagainlookeddirectlyintomyeyes,thenletoutasqueakingcallandwasgone.Foramoment,allwerespeechless.Thensomeonesaid,“Shemusthavecometosaygood-bye.”Para.1Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.Para.2Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.原題動(dòng)作鏈場(chǎng)景1:“我”回到農(nóng)場(chǎng),回想舊日時(shí)光【潤(rùn)色】Ireturnedtothefarmwithafeelingofnostalgia.【目的】凸顯“我”對(duì)農(nóng)場(chǎng)時(shí)光留戀?!靖暮蟆縁eelingasurgeofnostalgiabrewinginside,Ishovedasidethewoodenfenceofthefarmandtookastepinside.Passingbythemilkinghouse,Ihalted.Itobviousybroughtbackmymemorywiththelittlecreature,whichstirredandtumbled
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