高三英語(yǔ)下學(xué)期寫(xiě)作點(diǎn)評(píng)

作文點(diǎn)評(píng)

一、用詞達(dá)意二、結(jié)構(gòu)完整三、格式標(biāo)準(zhǔn)四、行文連貫

【優(yōu)秀答卷一實(shí)錄】

DearEditor,I’mwritingtotellyouaboutthediscussionwe’vehadaboutwhetheranentrancefeeshouldbechargedforparks.About60%ofmyclassmatesthoughtitunsuitabletochargetheentrancefee.Intheiropinion,parksarebuiltforthepeopletohaveagoodrestaftertheyfinishtheirwork.Ifthefeeischarged,thentheentrancedoorisneeded;asaresult,lesspeoplewillgotherefrequentlyandweshouldsaythecityisnotasbeautifulandcomfortableasbefore.Butagainsttheiropinion,thereststudentsthoughtthatthelowpricewasacceptable.“Wecouldn’tletthegardenerworkforusallforfree!〞partofthemsaid.Andafewofthemevenconsideredtheproblemofpayingforthenewplantsinthefuture.

Yourstruly,LiHua

【優(yōu)秀答卷一點(diǎn)評(píng)】

本文覆蓋了所有要點(diǎn)，語(yǔ)言豐富，文筆流暢，用詞恰當(dāng)、精彩，駕馭語(yǔ)言的能力很強(qiáng),特點(diǎn)：

1．

語(yǔ)言豐富多樣。文中的unsuitable,asaresult,frequently,comfortable,against,acceptable,forfree,partof,evenconsideredtheproblemofpayingfor….以及inthefuture都是該文語(yǔ)言豐富的“點(diǎn)金〞之筆。

2.連詞用得很恰當(dāng)。文中的if…,then…;asaresult;as…asbefore;But…;And…這些連詞的使用使得文章流暢、連貫。3.復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)和長(zhǎng)句用得多且地道。如：第一句中的it代替不定式短語(yǔ)tochargetheentrancefee作形式賓語(yǔ)。第二句中的forsbtodosth結(jié)構(gòu)。第三句中的If引導(dǎo)的條件狀語(yǔ)從句，以及and連接的并列句和that引導(dǎo)的賓語(yǔ)從句〔that已被省略〕。第四句中的that引導(dǎo)的賓語(yǔ)從句。末句中的動(dòng)名詞結(jié)構(gòu)payingfor…等都用得很好，成為文章的亮點(diǎn)！4．直接引語(yǔ)“Wecouldn’tletthegardenerworkforusallforfree!〞的應(yīng)用使得文章更具活力，更傳神！5.againsttheiropinion用來(lái)表達(dá)比照關(guān)系，用得恰當(dāng)、自然，很精彩！6．靈活運(yùn)用語(yǔ)言的能力強(qiáng)。如：文章并未直接說(shuō)“會(huì)影響城市形象〞，而是換了一種方式把它表達(dá)了出來(lái):…andweshouldsaythecityisnotasbeautifulandcomfortableasbefore.值得肯定。缺點(diǎn)：文章未分段。語(yǔ)言問(wèn)題:〔1〕冠詞掌握得不好。第二句中forthepeopletohave…和末句中的payingforthenewplants中的兩個(gè)冠詞the都應(yīng)去掉，此處只表示泛指的概念?！?〕少數(shù)詞使用不當(dāng)。如：Thereststudents應(yīng)換作therestofthestudents或者只用therest表示?！?〕lesspeople不是太好。因?yàn)閘ess的后面一般跟不可數(shù)名詞，如：lessmeat/lessbeer等，此處最好使用fewerpeople來(lái)表示。本文得分：24分?！緝?yōu)秀答卷二實(shí)錄】

DearEditor,

I’mwritingtotellyouaboutthediscussionwe’vehadaboutwhetheranentrancefeeshouldbechargedforparks.Generallyspeaking,ourclasshadtwoopinions.Mostofthemwereagainstit.Sixtenthsofthestudentsthoughtparkwasapublicplaceforpeopletohavearest,wehadnorighttochargeforparks.Andifwebuiltwallsandagateforcharge,itwilldamagethebeautifulpictures.However,theothersthoughtasfollows:Anentrancefeeshouldbecharged,butthepricemustbelow.Themoneycollectedwillbeusedfordispensingtotheworkersaswages,andalsousethemtobuysomenewkindsofplants.Sotheparkwillalwaysbeinterestinginsteadoftiresome!

YourstrulyLiHua

【優(yōu)秀答卷二點(diǎn)評(píng)】

全文要點(diǎn)齊全，用詞范圍大，語(yǔ)言表達(dá)靈活，條理清晰，文筆流暢，有扎實(shí)的語(yǔ)言功底。特點(diǎn)：

1.本文用了大量的高級(jí)詞匯。如：Generallyspeaking,damage,asfollows,dispensingtotheworkersaswages,insteadof,tiresome等。

2．用了很多的復(fù)雜結(jié)構(gòu)。如：第三句中的賓語(yǔ)從句中含有不定式復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)。第四句中的if從句。第五句中的asfollows和其后的but連接的并列句，以及第六句中的動(dòng)名詞短語(yǔ)dispensing等。可以說(shuō)：句句出彩，有水平！

3．使用了關(guān)聯(lián)詞generallyspeaking,however,asfollows,so等使文章緊湊、連貫。4.分詞用得好。Themoneycollected…中的collected用得好，用得靈活。動(dòng)名詞dispensingtotheworkersaswages的使用展現(xiàn)出作者深厚的語(yǔ)言功底和很大的知識(shí)面，因?yàn)閐ispense和wages根本不是中學(xué)的詞匯！5.表達(dá)靈活。作者不用60%，而是用了sixtenths來(lái)表達(dá)，用得活!如果用sixinten,sixoutoften也會(huì)有異曲同工之妙！缺點(diǎn)：1.文章未分段。2.句子結(jié)構(gòu)不完整。倒數(shù)第二句中的andalsousethemto…應(yīng)改為canalsobeusedto，因?yàn)榫渥拥闹髡Z(yǔ)是Themoneycollected，所以只能用被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)。3.用詞問(wèn)題，如：〔1〕

冠詞：…parkwasapublicplace中的park前應(yīng)有不定冠詞a〔2〕用詞不當(dāng)。如：“形象〞不宜用picture最好用appearance/image/scenery/form/figure等詞。〔3〕ifwebuiltwalls中的built應(yīng)改為build，此處不能用一般過(guò)去時(shí)態(tài)，因?yàn)楹缶溆玫氖且话銓?lái)時(shí)態(tài)?！?〕末句起到了歸納的作用，并有強(qiáng)烈動(dòng)感情色彩，但用interesting和tiresome不太貼切。本文得分：24分?！緝?yōu)秀答卷三實(shí)錄】

DearEditor,

I’mwritingtotellyouaboutthediscussionwe’vehadaboutwhetheranentrancefeeshouldbechargedforparks.Sixtypercentofstudentsthinkthatanentrancefeeshouldnotbecharged.Theysaidtheparkistheplacebuiltforthepublic.Peoplehavetheirrightstotakearestthere.Iftheparkchargedtheentrancefee,manyparkgatesandguardwallswillbeneeded.Itjustdestroysthebeautifulsceneryofthecity.Buttherestofthestudentshavedifferentview.Theythinkanentrancefeeshouldbechargedsothattheparkmanagercanpaythegardenersandmorenewplantscanbebought.Buttheysaiditshouldbelow.

Yourstruly

LiHua

【優(yōu)秀答卷三點(diǎn)評(píng)】

文章包含全部要點(diǎn)，表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確，書(shū)寫(xiě)流暢、清晰，語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力嫻熟。特點(diǎn)：1．

用詞的范圍不是很大，沒(méi)有很多的高級(jí)詞匯，但很地道。如:builtforthepublic，havetheirrights，parkgates，justdestroys，sceneryofthecity，differentview等。2．

被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)的使用使文章增色不少，如：shouldnotbecharged,willbeneeded,canbebought等。3．

Itjustdestroys中的just和theparkmanager的使用是作者的“點(diǎn)石成金〞之筆。展現(xiàn)了作者嫻熟的語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力。缺點(diǎn)：

文章未分段。冠詞的使用有問(wèn)題。Sixtypercentof之后要用定冠詞the。3.圍墻的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)法為：wall,enclosure或enclosingwall一般不用guardwalls。4．differentview最好改為：theirdifferentview或adifferentview或differentviews。該文得分:25分。Onmysix-year-oldbirthday,myfatherboughtmeaballoonagift.DaddyblewuptheballoonformeandIsawtheballoongetbigandthepatternonitwasclear.Ilikeditverymuch.Afterthankedmyfatherforthegift,Itookitoutandplayedtogetherwithotherchildren.Whenseeingmyballoon,theyallsaiditwasverybeautiful.Theireyesarefullofadmiration.Ifeltveryproudofmyself.Butlater,amanwhoismyfather’sfriend,walkedtomeandthen“Bung!!〞.Myfavoriteballoonwaspuncturedbythatman.IwasscaredbythatloudnoiseIcriedout.Iwasveryangryeventhoughthemansaidsorry.Untilnow,Ireallyangersomeoneteasechildren!(Achildhoodexperience)Onmysix-year-oldbirthday,myfatherboughtmeaballoonagift.DaddyblewuptheballoonformeandIsawtheballoongetbigandthepatternonitwasclear.Ilikeditverymuch.Afterthankedmyfatherforthegift,Itookitoutandplayedtogetherwithotherchildren.Whenseeingmyballoon,theyallsaiditwasverybeautiful.Theireyesarefullofadmiration.Ifeltveryproudofmyself.Butlater,amanwhoismyfather’sfriend,walkedtomeandthen“Bung!!〞.Myfavoriteballoonwaspuncturedbythatman.IwasscaredbythatloudnoiseIcriedout.Iwasveryangryeventhoughthemansaidsorry.Untilnow,Ireallyangersomeoneteasechildren!Onmysixthbirthday,myfatherboughtmeaballoonasagift.DaddyblewuptheballoonformeandIsawtheballoongetbigandthepatternonitwasclear.Ilikeditverymuch.Afterthankingmyfatherforthegift,Itookitoutandplayedtogetherwithotherchildren.Whenseeingmyballoon,theyallsaiditwasverybeautiful.Theyarefullofadmiration.Ifeltveryproudofmyself.Butlater,amanwhoismyfather’sfriend,walkedtomeandthen“Bung!!〞.Myfavoriteballoonwaspuncturedbythatman.IwassoscaredbythatloudnoisethatIcriedout.Iwasveryangryeventhoughthemansaidsorry.Untilnow,Iamreallyangrywithsomeonewhoteaseschildren!(2)ADiaryTodayIwenttotheparkwhichwasnotfarfrommyschoolat9o’clocktojoinavoluntarylabor.Allthestudentsinmyclasswentthere,too.Weweredividedintothreegroups.Iwasingrouptwo.Studentsingroupsoneplantedtreesaswellaswateredtheflowers.Iwasuptothestudentsingrouptwotopickupthelitterthrownbytourists.Inaddition,theywouldcleanthechairsinthepark.Thestudentsingroupthreehadaneasierjob.Thatis,cleantheequipmentofchildren’splayground.Everybodysparednoefforttowork.Wereallydidawonderfuljob.人大附中高三〔9〕班于懋(2)

date?weather?

TodayIwenttothepark,whichwasnotfarfrommyschoolat9o’clocktojoin

avoluntarylabor.Allthestudentsinmyclasswentthere,too.Weweredividedintothreegroups.Iwasingrouptwo.Studentsingroupsoneplantedtreesaswellaswateredtheflowers.Iwasuptothestudentsingrouptwotopickupthelitterthrownbytourists.Inaddition,theywould

cleanthechairsinthepark.Thestudentsingroupthreehadaneasierjob.Thatis,cleantheequipmentofchildren’splayground.Everybodysparednoefforttowork.Wereallydidawonderfuljob.(2)10January,2004Snow

TodayIwenttothepark,whichwasnotfarfrommyschoolat9o’clocktojoinin(takepartin)

avoluntarylabor.Allthestudentsinmyclasswentthere,too.Weweredividedintothreegroups.Iwasingrouptwo.Studentsingroupsoneplantedtreesaswellaswateredtheflowers.Iwasuptothestudentsingrouptwotopickupthelitterthrownbytourists.Inaddition,theycleanedthebenchesinthepark.Thestudentsingroupthreehadaneasierjob,thatis,toclean

theequipmentofchildren’splayground.Everybodysparednoefforttowork.Wereallydidawonderfuljob.(3)Forme,dictionariesareliketeachers.Ioftentakeadvantageoftheminmanyways.Firstofall,Ilookupdictionariesforwordstoknowtheirmeaningsandhowtousethemcorrectly.Thatmakesmeremembernewwordseasily.Besides,somedictionariesevenintroducetheoriginalsofwords,soIcanlearnmoreaboutthem.Istillliketoreaddictionariesastoreadstoriesbecausetheydon’tprovideknowledgeinlanguageonly,butofferlotsofeverydaysenseaswell.Abovetheallthings,bycheckingoutwordsinthedictionary,IhavedevelopedahabittosearchinformationIneedonmyself.Tosumup,dictionarieshelpmealotthatIcannotlivewithoutthem.Forme,dictionariesareliketeachers.Ioftentakeadvantageoftheminmanyways.Firstofall,Ilook

updictionariesforwordstoknowtheirmeaningsandhowtousethemcorrectly.Thatmakesmeremembernewwordseasily.Besides,somedictionariesevenintroducetheoriginalsofwords,soIcanlearnmoreaboutthem.Istillliketoreaddictionariesastoreadstoriesbecausetheydon’tprovideknowledgeinlanguageonly,butofferlotsofeverydaysenseaswell.Abovetheallthings,bycheckingoutwordsinthedictionary,IhavedevelopedahabittosearchinformationIneedonmyself.Tosumup,dictionarieshelpmealotthatIcannotlivewithoutthem.Forme,dictionariesareliketeachers.Ioftenusetheminmanyways.Firstofall,Iconsultdictionariesforwordstoknowtheirmeaningsandhowtousethemcorrectly.Thathelpsmememorizenewwordseasily.Besides,somedictionariesevengivetheoriginsofwords,soIcanlearnmoreaboutthem.Ialsoliketoreaddictionariesasiftheywere

storiesbecausetheynotonlyprovideknowledgeinlanguage,butofferlotsofcommoninformationaswell.Aboveallthings,bycheckingwordsinthedictionary,IhavedevelopedahabitofsearchinginformationIneedonmyown.Tosumup,dictionariesaresoimportanttomethatIcannotlivewithoutthem.(4)給報(bào)社寫(xiě)篇短文談沙塵暴環(huán)境治理Deareditor,Inthepastmyhometownusedtobeabeautifulplace.Thereweretalltreesandthickforestsalmosteverywhere.Andwiththedevelopmentofindustryandagriculture,peoplebegantoburndownforeststomakeroomforfactoriesandfarms.Pooranimalshadtorunthroughfiresmokestolookforbetterworld.Thusafteryearsandyearsofgrowingacertaincornswithoutanychanges,thelandbecamepoorerandpoorer.Sonowhereyouwillseenothingbutwasteland.Andwhenthewindblows,thesandstarts.Peoplepaceheavilyagainstthesand.Whatasadsight!Fortunately,thegovernmenthasnoticedtheproblemandwasthinkingofwaystodealwithit.Yourssincerely,QiXiaoluo(4)Deareditor,Inthepastmyhometownusedtobeabeautifulplace.Thereweretalltreesandthickforestsalmosteverywhere.Andwiththedevelopmentofindustryandagriculture,peoplebegantoburndownforeststomakeroomforfactoriesandfarms.Pooranimalshadtorunthroughfiresmokestolookforbetterworld.Thusafteryearsandyearsofgrowingacertaincornswithoutanychanges,thelandbecamepoorerandpoorer.Sonowhereyouwillseenothingbutwasteland.Andwhenthewindblows,thesandstarts.Peoplepaceheavilyagainstthesand.Whatasadsight!Fortunately,thegovernmenthasnoticedtheproblemandwasthinkingofwaystodealwithit.……

Yourssincerely,QiXiaoluo(4)Deareditor,Inthepastmyhometownusedtobeabeautifulplace.Thereweretalltreesandthickforestsalmosteverywhere.Butwiththedevelopmentofindustryandagriculture,peoplebegantoburndownforeststomakeroomforfactoriesandfarms.Pooranimalshadtorunthroughfiresmokestolookforbetterworld.Thusafteryearsandyearsofgrowingacertaincropwithoutanychanges,thelandbecamepoorerandpoorer.Sonowhereyouwillseenothingbutwasteland.Andwhenthewindblows,thesandstormstarts.Peoplepaceheavilyagainstthesandstorm.Whatasadsight