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503CarolMeetsthe503CarolMeetstheRealCarol:Isthatthemailman?Wasthatthemailmanleaving?Mike:What!Notevenahello,foryourdearsweetbrother?Carol:Hello!Wasthatthemailmanleaving?Mike:Carol,yourlackinsinceritywoundsme.Carol:Mike,where'sthestinkingmail?Mike:It'srightoverthereonthecounter!Carol:It'snothereagain!It'snothere!Mike:Welldon'tworry,Carol.Maybetomorrowyou'llgetthatletterfromerr...ahundredandsixteenthonBroadway,NewYorkCity,OnedoubleOtwoseven.Carol:Youhaveit.Mike:AlotofwomensayCarol:Mike,givememyletterfromMike:Wait,youmeanColumbiaSchoolofBroadcasting?NotaffiliatedwiththeCBSnetworkoritsownunoperatedstations!Carol:Where'stheletter,headMike:Oh,you'retalkingaboutColumbiaUniversity!Theonlycollegethatyouappliedto!Theplaceyouhaveyourover-workedheartseton,right?Carol:I'mgettingaMike:OK,OK.OK,whatifIhaveseenthisallegedletter...Carol:Thickorthin?Mike:YouortheCarol:Mike!Wastheletterthin,likeathanksbutnothanksrejection,orthick,likewe'llseeyouinthefallacceptance?Ha!Mike:What,notevenathankCarol:Thankgoodness;thicklikeyourhead,likeanacceptancetoarealschool.WannasmellitMike,Imeanthisistheclosestyou'llgettotheIvyLeague.(Readingfromtheletter)"Welcome,CarolSeaver,totheColumbiaUniversityClassofnineteenninetythreeandahalf.YourfreshmanorientationbeginsDecembertwentythird,nineteeneightynine."Decembertwentythird?Ohno!!It'snotfall,that'sMike:Andthat'sarealJason:(Readingfromtheletter)"So,duetohighenrollmentwe'reforcedtodeferacertainamountoffreshman,untilthewintersemester."Maggie:Howdaretheydefermybrightestchild?Mike:I...Iamintheroomhere.Jason:Weknowthat,Mike.Maggie,don'tworryaboutit.It'sonlyforonesemesterandit'snottheendoftheworld.Mike:It'snotwhatyourbrightestchildsaid.Ifyouwantmeoutofhere,justthe1JasonandMaggie:TheJasonandMaggie:TheMike:Alright,ohandlook,bytheway,ifyou'regonnagoupstairstocheerupCarol,Iadviseyounottousewordslike,"reject","loser"or"bellyup."Kitchen,Maggie:PoorJason:Honey,IthinktheimportantthingforCarol,istounderstandhere,isthatthislittlehitchhere,isjustoneofthosebumpsintherockyroadoflife,whichoverthelonghaulmakesusabetterdriver-confidentwecanhandleourrig.Maggie:Jason,Idon'tthinkCarol'sgonnahaveanyusefortrucktalk.WhatCarolneedsisgoodold-fashionedstraight-talkinglogic,fromasensibleparent.I'lltalktoCarol.Whydon'tyougrabacupo'Joeandgasupyourrig.Maggie:Carol,thisisnotimeforemotion.Youmustforceyourselftolookatthisanalytically,sojustdryyoureyes...They'redry!Carol:YousoundMaggie:Ye...Imean,no.Imean,withyoubeingCarol:Rejected.YoucansayitMom,let'snotrunfromit.Imean,it'stimeforgoodold-fashioned,straight-forwardlogic,don'tyouthink?Maggie:Whi...whichiswhyIwanttoremindyouthatyouhavebeentoCarol:Whichisnosmallachievement.Maggie:Whichisnosmallachievement.Carol:Whichisjustoneofthosebumpsintherockyroadoflife,that'llmakeabetterMaggie:Confidentthatyoucanhandleyourrig.Carol:Whatrig?Maggie:Sweetheart.What'simportanthereisthatyoudon'tfeellikeareject,andaloserwhowentbellyup.Notthatanyoneelseisthinkingthat.Carol:Mom,everything'sgonnabefine.Maggie:You'renotjustsayingthat?Carol:WaittillyouhearhowI'mgonnaspendthenextthreemonths!MatriculatingatAlfLandenJuniorCollege.AndI'lltakeadoublecourseload,'causetheworkcouldn'tbeverychallenging...Mikegoesthere.Andthatway,evenifonlyhalfmyAsaretransferable,I'mdoingjustfine.Maggie:So,youdon'tneedmeatallfortCarol:OhMom,isthatwhyyoucameuphere?Maggie:Kindof.Carol:Well,wannalayonthebedandkickourfeetlikeDebraWingerandShirleyMcLeanin"TermsofEndearment"?Maggie:No!...maybejustforaBen:Ijustdon'tseewhatthebigdealis.Imean,Carolshouldbegladshe'sgettinganextralongsummervacation.Jason:WellBen,itallcomesdowntoexpectations.Imean,there'sCarol,straightAstudent,andwhenshedoesn'tgetwelcomed,withopenarms,tothecollegeofherchoice,wellit'ssurprising.Mikeontheotherhand;supposeMike2hadbeenturnedhadbeenturneddownbyanIvyLeaguecollege,wellnobodywould...Couldyoupassthemustardthere.Carol:HelloSeaverJason:Carol,Ididn'texpecttoseeyousobubbly.Ben:Hellofatub!Carol:Well,whatcanIsay?I'mresilient.Jason:Well,Iseeyoutalkedtoher.Carol:Thisisjustpartofmyjourneydownlife'srockyroad.Jason:Iseemyadviceworkedout.Maggie:Really,Ididn'tuseawordofit.Jason:Yeah,right.Carol:Mike,doyouhavethenewLandencoursecatalogue?Mike:Yeah.ButI'musingit.Carol:Forwhat,tokeepyourtablelegsMike:Err...wellCarol:Well,I'vedecidedtotakesomecoursestherethissemester.Mike:Yeah,right.Carol:I'mseriousMike.YouandIwillbothbematriculatingatAlfLandenMike:Shh!Carol:Itmeans,goingthere.Maggie:She'snotkidding,Mike.Jason:She'snot?Carol,whywouldyougothere?Mi...I'msorry,Mike.ImeantoinsultyourMike:Carol:Itmeans,yourschool.Mike:Oh.Oh!Carol:Mike,don'tworry.I'llonlybethereforafewmonths,andthenyou'llhaveyoursevenoreightyearstheretoyourself.Mike:Well,Idon'tfeellikehavingyoumatriculatingalloverCarol:Dad,I'llgrantyouIwon'tlearnmuch,butI'llpileupsomecreditsfornextJason:Well,thatmakesalotofsense...asBen:Ijustwantsomeonetoexplaintome,howcomeafterallthoseyearsofMikedoingnothingandCarolworkingher...workinghard,howtheycouldbothendupatthesameschool?Imean,thisisn'tgivingmemuchofanincentive.Maggie:WellBen,therereallyisaverysimpleanswer,andit'sonethat...errm...yourfatherwouldbehappytoexplain.Jason:Yes,well,Ithinkthatonceagain,thisjustcomesdowntoexpectations.And...err...franklyI...err...wasn'texpectingtoanswerthisquestion.Ithinkwhatyourmotherwantedtosayhere,andshewouldhavesaidit,ifshehadthethoughts...not...not...andshethinks,andshethinksthatthereisacollegeforeveryone.AndAlfLandeniscertainlyagreat...youknow...getreadyforcollege,kindof3Mike:A"getreadyforcollege,kindofJason:Mike,Mike:A"getreadyforcollege,kindofJason:Mike,Mike,I'mnotsayingthatit'snotarealcollege;itiscredited,ithasfreestandingbuildings,buterr...Ben:So,you'resaying,allCarol'shardworkgotherUniversity...eventually.AndMike,ifyouhadworkedjustalittlebitharder,youwouldn'tbegoingtothat...fineinstitution.Ben:So,you'resayingthatbothMikeandCarolaregoingtherebecausethey'reJason:Yes!!No!!No,I'mnotsayingthat.I'mnot,I'msayingthatAlfLandenisa...it'saplacethat'ssuitableformanyofthetravelersdownlife'srockyroad.Maggie:Nice,Jason!!Whipouttherockyroadthingagain.Jason:Maggie,comeon!!I'mjustsayingthatourkids,eachofthem,knowsinsidethemself,deepdown,exactlywhythey'rethere,right?Mike:Well,yousaidifIdidn't,you'draisemyCarol:Ican'tgotothatbozoplace!I'vebeenkiddingmyself!WhatamIgonnaMaggie:Carol!Jason:Carol!Mike:Ohfine.Fine,no-onestayhereandconsoleme.Ben:Istayed.Mike:Yahoo.Carol:Idon'twannatalkaboutJason:Well,wewanttotalktoyouaboutCarol:EventhoughI'mareject,aloserwhowentbellyup!Jason:Whosaidthattoyou?Carol:Maggie:Carol,letmecommunicateasenseofperspectivehereand...Jason:IthinkwhatyourMomistryingtosayCarol...Carol:YoutooDad.ThereisnothingthatanybodycansayordoformeJason:Nothing?Carol:Nothing.Maggie:CanIbringyouupyourlunch.Carol:Yes...andaSaltlakeSoda.Maggie:Withalemon?Carol:OhMom.Jason:Carol,ontheinterstateofCarol:You'resorightaboutwhatyousaiddownstairs.Imean,howcouldIgotoaschoolthathasanexchangeprogramwithaprison?Jason:Lookhere,that'sawork-studyprogram,andfromwhatyourbrothertellsme,alotofthosegirlshavebeenabletoturntheirlivesaround.Carol:ButIgotgoodgrades,Dad!Perfectgrades!Imean,thisisn'tfair,I4likethereislikethereisnothingIcandowithmyliferightnow!It'sover!Finished!Theendoftheline...forCarolAnneSeaver!Allmyplans,gonewiththewind!Jason:Sweetheart,aren'tyoubeingatad,overCarol:Overdramatic!Overdramatic!Wellexcuseme,Imean,whatistheacceptableresponsetowhenone'slifehasbeensnuffedout?Jason:Ohcomeonhoney!Imean,it'sonlyforthreeCarol:Forthreemonthswithoutpapersortestsorhomework;withoutthejealousyofmypeers!!Jason:Youknowthereisalife,outsideofschool.Carol:Dad,stoptalkingcrazy!Jason:Well,Carol,youknow,there'sgonnacomeatimeinyourlife,whenschoolisn'tpartofit.Carol:Jason:Well,whatdoyouplantodoafterColumbia?Carol:Gotograduateschool.Jason:Yeah,andafterthat?Carol:Getmydoctorate.Jason:AndthenCarol:Adoctorate'snotenoughforJason:Ihaveanidea,Carol.IthinkIknowexactlythebestwayforyoutospendthenextthreemonths!YoushouldbegoingtothebiggestuniversityintheCarol:Ohio,State?Jason:No,theworkplace!Carol:Where'sthat?Jason:It'sallaroundyou,Carol:Dad,you'retalkingcrazyJason:Carol,no,I'mtalkingabouttheUniversityofLife.Carol:Isthisareligiousinstitution?Jason:Carol,getajob!Carol:Ajob?Jason:Yes!Comeon!It'stimeyoulearntalittlebitabouttheworldoutsidetheclassroom;thereisone,youknow!Carol:I'drathergotoAlfJason:Hey,whatareyouafraidof?It'sonlyforonesemester.Havesomeguts!Beaquitter!Dropoutofschool!!Comeon!ThemindcanbeabeautifulthingtoMaggie:Imissedanawfullot,didn'tEmploymentAgent:So,MissSeaver,tosumup,you'veneverhadapart-timejob,you'veneverhadasummerjobandyouhavenojobskillsatall,isthatCarol:Well,Ididsomebabysittingonce...twice,really.EmploymentAgent:Twice.Carol:OK.Once.Twiceisnotreallytrue.Imean,theydidn'tpayme'cause5kidtookoff.Hewasfinethough,oncetheygotthepaintoff.EmploymentAgent:Letmecheckkidtookoff.Hewasfinethough,oncetheygotthepaintoff.EmploymentAgent:Letmechecktheunskilled,miscellaneousjobs.Carol:What'sthematter?EmploymentAgent:Oh,Ialwayshavetroublegettingbacktothemainmenu.Carol:There.EmploymentAgent:Areyoufamiliarwiththisprogram?Carol:No,butthisisasimple,binarylanguage.EmploymentAgent:Aha.Nowcouldyoupunchup,skilledjobs?Carol:There.EmploymentAgent:Anothersubheading,wordprocessing.Carol:Sure.Whatarewelookingfor?EmploymentAgent:Ajobforsomeoneveryskilledwithcomputers.Carol:But,Ithoughtwewerelookingforajobforme.Oh!Jason:Oh,you'regonnaloveit,you'regonnaloveBen:Didyouhavetodothatwithmetoo,Mike:NoBen,wehadtostopyoufromgnawingyourfootMaggie:Carol'sonherwaydown,andIwantyouboystobeverysupportive.Mike:GivemeaC!GivemeanA!Jason:Subtler,Mike.Mike:GivemeanR.Maggie:Waittillyouseetheoutfit,IboughtCarol.Carol:Hi.Jason:I'veneverseenanythinglikeMaggie:Carol,Icanjusttellthatyouaregonnahitthatcompanylikeatonofbricksandknowthepublishingworldonitsear.Mike:Benny,IgotthebestjokerightnowandIcan'tdoathingaboutit.Carol:Mom,it'snotevenanentryleveljob.Jason:Well,justremember,fromlittleacornsdothemightyoaksgrow.Carol:Well,beforeanybodysaysanythingelsesupportive,let'sjustseeifIgetthroughoneday.Jason:YouMaggie:Absolutely.You'refatherandIaresoproudofyou.Carol:Yeah.Butyou'reproudofMiketoo.Let'sgo.Ben:She'sgotaBoss:AsIsaidbefore,I'monlygonnasaythisonce-Ilikemypageendings,neatandclean.Carol:NeatandBoss:Splitaword,loseyourjob.Welcomeaboard.Carol:Yessir.Andwhataboutthepunctuation?Boss:Ah.Thatisnotourbusiness.Thatbelongstothosepunksinthepunctuationdepartment...period.ForgetIsaidthat.Now,youwillsitherewithourotherpagebreakingpersons;Theydon'tlikemesayingladiesanymore,sinceBigAljoinedthegroup...BigAl:6Boss:ThisisBoss:Thisisyourworkstation;nodecorations,nophotographs,nomementos,nothingofwonderorbeautywhatsoever.Carol:Gee,he'stough.Isheasmeanasheseems?BigAl:Hedoesn'tscareme.Carol:(inherhead)Myhandsareshaking;whydoIcareaboutthisjob?Iftheworstcomestoworst,I'llgetfired,thenI'lljustgoto...Ican'tgoanywhere.I'vegotnoplacetogo.Boss:Pagefiftytwo?Threehoursandyou'reonlyonpagefiftytwo?Carol:I'msorry,I'mreadingasfastasIcan.Boss:Reading?!WhathaveItoldyoupagebreakersahundredPagebreakers:……NoCarol:BigAl:Eversinceyougothere,thisplacehasgottenreallyCarol:(inherhead)Thisisthefirsttimeintwelveyearsofschool,I'veeverhadateacheryellatme.waitaminute,he'snotmyteacher,he'smyboss.Oh,ifthiskeepsuphe'sgonnafailmeforsure.Worker:Lunch,dear,lunch.Carol:Oh,sorry.BigAl:WannahavelunchwithCarol:Oh,IpromisedmyMom,we'dhavelunch.BigAl:Great,let'sgo.Carol:No,Imean,mymom,notBigAl:Oh.SeeyouinhalfanCarol:Good,right.Wait,weonlygetahalfhourforlunch?BigAl:Ouioui.Maggie:(onthephone)Hello,MaggieMalone.Carol:HiMom.Maggie:Oh,Carol,great!I'vebeenwaitingforyoutocall.How'sitgoing?Carol:Fine,justfine.Imean,soIworkforatyrant!SoIstareatwordsI'mnotaloudtoread!SoI'msittingnexttoaguynamed,BigAl...who'swavinghiseggatme!Maggie:BigCarol:Mom,Igottago,Ionlygottwentyeightmoreminutesofmylunchhour.Makethattwentyseven.Maggie:Somebody'swavinghiseggatmyCarol:(inherhead)Onemorehour,andI'mthroughmyfirstmiserableday.Onlyeightyninemoretogo.BigAl:Areyouinsane?You'reCarol:Well,Ifoundamistake!Readit.BigAl:Idarenot.Carol:Whocaresifthepagebreakisrightandthetextiswrong?Boss:Ido!BigAl:WecouldhavebeensodamngoodBoss:You'restanding.You'renotsupposedtobestanding.Istherea7Carol:Noproblem.Boss:Good.BigCarol:Noproblem.Boss:Good.BigAl:SmartCarol:Yes,thereisaproblem.Idon'tcareifyoufireme,butyesI'vebeenreading.Wellit'shardtostopwhenyou'vebeendoingitsinceyou'vebeenfouryearsold.Boss:LikeIalwayssay-I'monlygonnasayCarol:Lookatthis!Righthere;theterm"macroeconomics"isbeingmisused.Theauthor'swritingaboutthebuyingpowerofseniorcitizens,andeverybodyknowsthat'smicroeconomics.Andhe'saveryintelligentwriter,soithastobeatypo.Oh,right,maybenotveryintelligent,Imean,thesupplysidetheorywassupportedwithveryweak...Boss:I'mcallingtheproofreadingroom.BigAl:You'redead.Boss:I'veb
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