CET-4寫(xiě)作中的亮點(diǎn)意識(shí)

1、CET-4寫(xiě)作中的“亮點(diǎn)”意識(shí)大學(xué)英語(yǔ)四級(jí)作文要拿高分，學(xué)生就要了解評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。CET-4作文評(píng)分分 五個(gè)檔，標(biāo)準(zhǔn)如下：2分：條理不清，思路紊亂，語(yǔ)言支離破碎或大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，且多數(shù) 為嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤；5分：基本切題，表達(dá)思想不夠清楚，連貫性差，有較多的嚴(yán)重語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤；8分：基本切題，表達(dá)思想比較清楚，文章尚連貫，但語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤較多，其中 有少量的嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤；11分：切題，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字連貫，但有少量語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤；14分：切題，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字通順，連貫性較好，基本上無(wú)語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。 字?jǐn)?shù)不夠扣分（各段已給出的主題句均不得計(jì)入）。段落不夠扣分。對(duì)于四級(jí)作文的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，還有一個(gè)更為形象的說(shuō)法。這五個(gè)檔次依次是

2、： 一塌糊涂；糊里糊涂；馬馬虎虎；清清爽爽；漂漂亮亮。實(shí)際上，要想四級(jí)作文清清爽爽乃至漂漂亮亮，使分?jǐn)?shù)處于11分和14檔，作文中必須有亮點(diǎn)。亮點(diǎn)可以體現(xiàn)在不同的層面：選詞層面上的亮點(diǎn)，如要多用動(dòng)作動(dòng)詞代替抽象動(dòng)詞，避免相同詞語(yǔ)無(wú)意義的重復(fù)使用；句法上的亮點(diǎn)，多變的句型，一定的修辭手段，以及一些英語(yǔ)特有的警句和格言；段落層面和全文 結(jié)構(gòu)上的亮點(diǎn)，主要體現(xiàn)在 行文的自然流暢和段落的合理銜接”上，當(dāng)然也包括 整體風(fēng)格的一致。作文評(píng)分范例下面我們通過(guò)比較兩篇四級(jí)作文（注：每段的首句題目已給出）來(lái)了解評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)以及作文中亮點(diǎn)的重要性。I. Women are playi ng an in creas in

3、 gly importa nt part in societytoday.Many wome n today are play ing an importa nt part at works that was thought only could be done by the men before. For example, some wome n are not secretary in the office, in stead , they become man ager of a compa ny.1With the changes in their social role, woman

4、' s position inthe family has been improved as well. In the world today, more and more wome n have their own jobs. They get their own salary, and become more in depe ndent from their husba nd. With the econo mic situati on improved, their family positi on is impro ving.In spite of these cha ng e

5、s, the liberati on of woma n has not been completely realized. Many husbands only want his wife to stay at home, and do some works or do some shopp ing. They only want their wife to be a housewife, but not a man ager of a compa ny.該作文為8分作文?；厩蓄}，思想表達(dá)尚清楚，基本連貫，有個(gè)別嚴(yán)重的語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤及用詞不當(dāng)，但可以理解。另外，文章中無(wú)論詞語(yǔ)和句子層面都沒(méi)有亮點(diǎn)

6、。文中除了 in depe ndent from外，沒(méi)有亮點(diǎn)詞匯。句式 結(jié)構(gòu)單調(diào)，文中除了一個(gè)包含定語(yǔ)從句的復(fù)合句 Many women today are play ing an importa nt part at works that was thought only could be done by the men before之外，其他的都是簡(jiǎn)單句。II.Women are playing an increasingly important part insociety today. In many countries, more and more women are acting

7、as workers, farmers, scie ntists and eve n leaders. We can say that almost all jobs which men can do are done perfectly by wome n. Wome n are no Ion ger looked dow n upon by society.With the changes in their social role, womenn in s positiothe family has been improved as well. Husband and wife are n

8、ow equal in the family. They cope with problems of daily life together,2and share happ in ess with each other. Also, you can hardly find out that in today ' families, women are being busy with dinners, whereas men are comfortably sitting in armchairs, reading n ewspapers.In spite of these cha ng

9、es, the liberati on of woma n has not been completely realized. A number of men still jealously guard their rights, and regard wome n as in capable creature. Few wome n are allowed to atte nd importa nt intern atio nal meet ing domin ated by men. That ' s really the problems we should solve imme

10、diately.該作文為14分作文。切題，文章通順，語(yǔ)言規(guī)范。句法有一定變 化，用詞適當(dāng)。有個(gè)別小錯(cuò)，但不影響理解。文中有如下亮點(diǎn)。詞匯層面： act as look down upon， cope with， share with， be busy with，jealously， guard, in capable creature domin ate 等詞語(yǔ)的使用恰如其分；eve n, perfectly， comfortably，still，immediately這些副詞的使用準(zhǔn)確而又形象地體現(xiàn)出了 作者的語(yǔ)氣和態(tài)度。句式層面：句式結(jié)構(gòu)多樣：簡(jiǎn)單句：Women are noIon ger

11、 looked dow n upon by the society.復(fù)合句： We can say that almost all jobs which men can do are done perfectly by women.并歹U復(fù)合句： Also, you can hardly find out that in today ' families, women are being busy with dinners, whereas men are comfortably sitting in armchairs, reading newspapers.這些亮點(diǎn)都使文章增色不少

12、。從以上兩個(gè)例子，我們很容易發(fā)現(xiàn)這兩篇文章為什么在分值上會(huì) 有如此大的差異。真題作文評(píng)析筆者擬對(duì)教學(xué)實(shí)踐中收集到兩篇學(xué)生寫(xiě)的四級(jí)真題作文進(jìn)行點(diǎn)評(píng)并修改。2009 年 12 月作文題目 Create a Green Campus提綱：1）建設(shè)綠色校園很重要2）綠色校園不僅指綠色的環(huán)境3）為了建設(shè)綠色校園，我們應(yīng)該學(xué)生作文： Create a Green CampusThe campus in university is the place where students live, study and play. A good environment is necessary but not al

13、l. In general, green campus includes not only a good environment, but also an atmosphere of study, to compete, to help each other.A clean, tidy campus can make people comfortable to live in. And it is a factor to attract excellent professors to come and work. In the same way, an atmosphere of study

14、and competition can motivate the students p'otential, they will learn more and make more friends. So it is crucial to create a green campus.As far as I am concerned, we can make a green campus if we follow the tips. First, clean up the campus, plant trees and flowers. Second, give the students m

15、ore freedom. Let them do whatever they want if that is beneficial. Third, hold some classes which tell students how to deal with others, to teach them teamwork.If we can do this, the green campus is on the way.And in the near future, it will come true.點(diǎn)評(píng)：該作文為 8 分檔作文?；厩蓄}，思想表達(dá)尚清楚，基本連貫， 有一些語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤及用詞不當(dāng)，

16、但可以理解。 語(yǔ)言使用過(guò)于平淡， 在措辭 和句式方面亮點(diǎn)不足。 如：第一段中， not all 意思表達(dá)不夠到位 ,若改 為 sufficient 則更為貼切； includes 使用不夠恰當(dāng)， 若改為 entails 更符合 作者的表達(dá)意圖。 這些詞語(yǔ)的恰當(dāng)使用將會(huì)是文章的亮點(diǎn)所在。 文章中 句式單一，全文只有三個(gè)復(fù)合句，而且都非常簡(jiǎn)短。如果能將簡(jiǎn)單句、 復(fù)合句、并列句、并列復(fù)合句糅合使用，文章將增色不少。修改后作文：Create a Green CampusThe concept of a green campus is not new. But what is a green campu

17、s? From my viewpoint, it entails not only a beautiful scenery, but also an atmosphere of diligence, competition, cooperation and sincerity.Undoubtedly, a clean and tidy campus is an attraction. But the atmosphere of study and competition of a“green” campus is more appealing as it is this atmosphere

18、that helps bring out both the teachers'and students'potential. Teachers can thus teach better and students learn more.Then how to create a green campus? The following tips are practicable. First, clean up the campus, plant more flowers and trees. Second, give teachers and students more freed

19、om.Let them do whatever they want as long as it is beneficial.Last but not least, give students lectures at intervals on how to deal with people, how to develop teamwork spirit, how to compete properly and how to achieve all-round development.If we can act on the suggestions, a green campus is well

20、round the corner. Everyone will benefit.點(diǎn)評(píng) : 修改后的作文觀點(diǎn)表達(dá)更為清晰 , 句式和詞匯使用方面增加了亮點(diǎn)。 句式方面，包含了短句和長(zhǎng)句，簡(jiǎn)單句、并列句和復(fù)合句，使用了特 殊句式強(qiáng)調(diào)句，還使用了排比的修辭手法。詞匯方面，措辭恰如其分， 如 entail， bring out，at intervals 等; 為避免同義詞語(yǔ)的無(wú)意義重復(fù)， 文 章分 別 使 用了 “ an attraction ” 和 “ appealing”，“ tips ”和“suggestion£ , “follow ”和 “act on” 來(lái)表達(dá)相同的意思。2009年

21、 6 月作文題目 Free Admission to Museums 提綱： 1）越來(lái)越多的博物館免費(fèi)開(kāi)放的目的是什么2）也會(huì)帶來(lái)一些問(wèn)題3）你的看法學(xué)生作文： Free Admission to MuseumsAn increasing number of museums are free for visiting.The reason for this phenomenon lies in motivating citizens to gain more knowledge of history, culture or something significant. It contribut

22、es to improving the quality of people's spare time.However, free opening also brings serious problems. Some administrations ignore the protection of things on display. Thus, quite a part are damaged. During the process of exhibition, visitors can not avoid touching or taking photos. This account

23、s for the quick damage of some priceless antiques. So, precious exhibits are suffering a lot from careless treatment. While people are charged, the money can be used to build relative plans for repairing the unique existences. Only in this way can more people have access to them.To sum up, the disad

24、vantages weigh more than the advantages. Priority should be given to protecting the cultural relics in the museums.點(diǎn)評(píng)： 該作文為 11 分檔作文。切題，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字連貫，表達(dá)有 一些亮點(diǎn)，但有少量語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤。亮點(diǎn)體現(xiàn)如下：lie in , motivate, con tribute to, on display等詞匯和倒裝句的使用。略加修改，文章會(huì)有很大改進(jìn)。 修改后作文：Free Admission to MuseumsAn increasing number of mu

25、seums are free of charge for visiting, the purpose of which is to motivate citizens to gain more knowledge of history, culture or something significant. It contributes to improving the quality of people's spare time.However, free opening also brings about serious problems. Some administrations i

26、gnore the protection of items on display. And in the process of exhibition, visitors'article touching and photo taking is unavoidable, which accounts for the damage of some priceless antiques. If people are required to pay some admission fee, the money can be spent on the protection and maintena

27、nce of the unique existences.Only in this way can more people have access to them in the future.To sum up, the disadvantages weigh over the advantages. Priority should be given to protecting the cultural relics in the museums.美文亮點(diǎn)賞析筆者從全新版大學(xué)英語(yǔ)綜合教程 4第四單元 Text A America as a Collage 中選了最后三個(gè)自然段供欣賞和模仿。Wh

28、at is the common aim that harmonizes competing cultures in one place?It is not only the better living standard. What attracts immigrants to America is the essential characteristic of American culture: the chance to try. There is a combination of two things that are important: culture and space. The culture allows you to try to be somebody to find yourself, your place, your status. And there is space not only in a geograp