gmat寫作范文分析

1、gmat 寫作范文分The following appeared as part of an article in a daily newsp r:Mostcompanieswouldagreethatastheriskofphysicalinjuryoccurringonthe job increases, the wages paid to employees should also increase. Hence it makes financial senseforemployerstomaketheworkplacesafer:theycouldthusreducetheirpayr

2、oll expenses and save money.Discusshow wellreasonedyou findthisargument.Inyourdiscussionbesureto yzethelineofreasoningandtheuseofevidenceintheargument.Forexample,you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternativeexplanationsorcounterexamplesmightweakent

3、heconclusion.Youcso discusswhatsortofevidencewouldstrengthenorrefutetheargument,whatchangesin theargumentwouldmakeitmorelogicallysound,andwhat,ifanything,wouldhelpyou better evaluate its conclusion.This argument states that it makes financial sense for employers to make the workplacesaferbecausebyma

4、kingtheworkplacesaferthenlowerwagescouldbepaid toemployees.Thisconclusionisbasedonthepremisethatasthelistofphysicalinjury increases,thewagespaidtoemployeesshouldalsoincrease.However,thereareseveral assumptionsthatmaynotnecessarily applytothis argument.Forexample,thecosts associatedwithmakingtheworkp

5、lacesafemustoutweightheincreasedpayrollexpenses duetohazardousconditions.Also,onemustlookattheplausabilityofimprovingthe workenvironment.Andfinally,becausemostcompaniesagreethatastheriskofinjury increases so will wages doesnt necessarily mean that the all companies which have hazardous work environm

6、ents agree.The issue to be addressed is whether increased labor costs justify large capitalexpenditurestoimprovetheworkenvironment.Clearlyonecouldarguethatifmakingtheworkplacesafewouldcostanexorbitant amount ofmoney incomparisonto leavingtheworkplaceasisandpayingslightlyincreasedwagesthanitwouldnotm

7、ake sensetoimprovetheworkenvironment.Forexample,ifmakingtheworkplacesafewould cost$100millionversusadditionalpayrollexpensesofonly$5,000peryear,itwould makefinancialsensetosimplypaytheincreasedwages.Nobusinessorbusinessowner withanysensewouldpayallthatextramoneyjusttosaveacoupledollarsandimprove emp

8、loyeehealthandrelations.Toconsiderthis,acostbenefitysismustbemade. Ialsofeelthatalthoughacostbenefitysisshouldbethedeterminingfactorwith regardtothesedecisionsmakingfinancialsense,itmaynotbethedeterminingfactor with regard to making social, moral and ethical sense.Thisargumentalsoreliesontheideathat

9、companiessolelyusefinancialsensein ysingimprovingtheworkenvironment.Thisisnotthecase.Companieslookatother considerationssuchasthenegativesocialramificationsofhighon-jobinjuries.For example,Toyotaspendslargeamountsofmoneyimprovingivironmentbecausewhile itsgoalistobeprofitable,italsopridesitselfonhigh

10、employeemoraleandmost perfectly safe work environment. However, Toyota finds that it can do both, as by improvingemployeehealthandemployeerelationstheyareguaranteedamoremotivated staff,andhenceamoreefficientstaff;thisguaranteesmoremoneyforthebusiness as well as more safety for the employees.Finallyo

11、nemustunderstandthatnotallworkenvironmentscanbemadesafer.For example,inthecaseofcoalmining,acompanyonlyhaslimitedwaysofmakingthework environmentsafe.Whilecompaniesmaybeabletoensuresomesafetyprecautions,they maynotbeabletoprovideallthesafetymeasuresnecessary.Inotherwords,amining itcannotcontroltheris

12、kofemployeesgettingblacklung.Inotherwords,regardless of the intent of the company, some jobs are simply dangerous in nature.Inconclusion,whileat itmayseemtomakefinancialsensetoimprovethe safety of the work environment sometimes it truly does not make financial sense.Furthermore,financialsensemaynotb

13、etheonlyissueacompanyfaces.Othertypesof ysesmustbemadesuchasthesocialramificationsofanunsafeworkenvironment and the overall ability of a company to improve that environment (i.e., coal mine). Before anydecisionismade,allthisthings mustbeconsidered,notsimplythereduction of payroll expenses.又，形成了完整的 A

14、RGUMENT，specifically：1、首段再現(xiàn)了原 TOPIC 的推理過程，并其 assumptions 多有不適;尤其令閱卷人高興的ideas 羅列出來，然后在中間三段分別展開，先總后分，一目了然。2、中一的TS“The issuetobeaddressediswhetherincreasedlaborcosts justifylarge capital expenditures to improve the work environment?！笨芍^是一針見血，一 3TS“Thisargumentalsoreliesontheideathatcompaniessolelyuse financial sensein ysing improvingthework environment?！边@可謂是劍走偏鋒，獨(dú)moremoneyforthebusinessaswellasmoresafetyfortheemployees?！蔽也挥傻瞄L(zhǎng)舒一口，人家再次回歸了，又回到了 Topic 中以“Money”為本的推理。4TS“Finally