高分滿分作文借鑒

PAGEPAGE4名校高分滿分作文借鑒話題一：旅游／風(fēng)俗習(xí)慣外國(guó)友人來(lái)信咨詢?cè)诒本┮⒁獾娘L(fēng)土人情和文化習(xí)俗，請(qǐng)你寫一封回信介紹并提醒他在北京需要注意的風(fēng)俗習(xí)慣并如何得體的表現(xiàn)，包括打招呼、餐桌禮儀及家庭法則。提示詞：Greetingtablemannershomerules范文一：（101中學(xué)15分）Howtobehavewhenwearetravelling Nowadays,moreandmoreChinesepeopleprefertotravelaroundtheworld.TheybringtheChinesetraditionalvirtueabroad,butatthesametime,someoftheirbehaviorsreallydamageChinesereputationintheworld.It’snecessaryforustolearnhowtobehavewhenwe’retravelling. Aboveall,we’resupposedtobecivilizedwhilevisitingfamousplaces.Insteadofdoingboringthingslikecuttingnamesonhistoricalsites,listeningtotheguidesareencouragedinordertoshowourrespectforthecountry.It’salsoabadbehaviortotakephotossecretlywithoutpermission.Intherestaurant,it’simpolitetotalkwithfriendsloudly,whichmayannoyothers.Whydon’twelearnsomepolitewordsinforeignlanguageandtrytocommunicatewithlocalpeople?Thisreallyhelpsustohaveabetterunderstandingaboutdifferentcultures. Whyarewesupposedtodoso?Goodmannersmakeourtourmorecomfortableandpleasant.Asweallwanttohaveaharmoniousenvironmenttolivein,politebehaviorsleaveagoodimpressiononeverybody’sheart.OurcoursesaresymbolofChina,andeachChineseshouldpayhisowneffort.（189字）點(diǎn)評(píng)：整體看，作者運(yùn)用長(zhǎng)句的能力很強(qiáng)，而且文章的組織性很強(qiáng)，內(nèi)容很充實(shí)，全篇無(wú)語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤再加上高級(jí)的長(zhǎng)句運(yùn)用，當(dāng)然必須滿分。開(kāi)篇內(nèi)容很充實(shí)，有標(biāo)黃長(zhǎng)句，用詞地道，搭配貼切，給評(píng)委很好的第一印象。中間標(biāo)紅句子運(yùn)用without這一小詞非常地道。結(jié)尾部分也有標(biāo)黃長(zhǎng)句，再次形成前后呼應(yīng)，開(kāi)頭結(jié)尾都有高級(jí)長(zhǎng)句坐鎮(zhèn)，所以文章從內(nèi)容從形式上都是一流水準(zhǔn)。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：bringtheChinesetraditionalvirtueabroad把中國(guó)美德帶到國(guó)外damageChinesereputationintheworld破壞中國(guó)在國(guó)際上的名聲haveabetterunderstandingof…更好掌握…it’salsoabadbehaviorto…=wearenotsupposedto…不建議做某事wanttohaveaharmoniousenvironmenttolivein想要有一個(gè)和諧的生存環(huán)境besymbolofsth.是某事的象征sth.leaveagoodimpressiononeverybody’sheart.某事在某人心中留下好的印象insteadofdoingsth,doingsth.isencouragedinorderto…與其做某事（不好的事）…做某事（好事）是值得鼓勵(lì)的，因?yàn)檫@樣可以（后加好處）范文二：（101中學(xué)15分）Howtobeacivilizedtourist FromtimetotimeitwasreportedthatChinesetouristbehavebadlywhentravelling.Itseemsparticularlyimportanttotelleveryonehowtobeacivilizedtouristnow.Firstofall,weareobligatedtoactproperly,orrather,bepoliteandfollowlocalruleswhentravelling.Obviously,litteringanddamaginghistoricalsitesbyengravingletters,whicharecommonamongtourist,arehateful.Wearedefinitelynotsupposedtodoso.Tobecivilized,weshouldbehavepolitely.Aswell-educatedpeople,touristarenotsupposedtotalkloudlyinpublic,whichisreallyannoying.Inaddition,Isuggestlearningsomelocalcustomsbeforewegotravelling,sothatwewon’tbreaktherulesunconsciouslywhentravelling.Thelocalswillbegladtoseeusbehaveintheirwaysandwe’llfeelalotmorerelaxedtoenjoyourtrip,avoidingthecaseswhenwe’reblindabouthowtobehaveproperlyandpolitely.Theseareallabouthowtobecivilizedtourists.Andweshouldneverignorethatourbehaviorsnotonlyrepresentourpersonalqualitiesandmanners,theyalsosymbolizethequalitiesofweChinese.（185字）點(diǎn)評(píng)：這篇文章沒(méi)有上一篇好，原因在于沒(méi)有分段。層次性不夠強(qiáng)。句型相對(duì)比較單一，長(zhǎng)句結(jié)構(gòu)不夠豐富使用的高級(jí)詞匯以及地道用法也不如上一篇多但這篇還是得到滿分的主要在于無(wú)語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，表示建議類的句型比較豐富，并且句型在使用的時(shí)候比較地道的體現(xiàn)在于有插入語(yǔ)的運(yùn)用。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：Itseemsparticularlyimportantto…做某事看起來(lái)尤其重要tobeacivilizedtourist做一個(gè)文明的游客weareobligatedtoactproperly我們有責(zé)任舉止妥當(dāng)breaktherulesunconsciously無(wú)意中沒(méi)有遵守規(guī)則Thelocalswillbegladtoseeusbehaveintheirways按照當(dāng)?shù)厝说淖鍪嘛L(fēng)格來(lái)做會(huì)讓他們很開(kāi)心。（此處如果能引用DoasRomansdo也不錯(cuò)。）representourpersonalqualities代表我們的個(gè)人品行symbolizethequalitiesofweChinese.代表我們中國(guó)人的品行（注意這里兩個(gè)代表“represent”和“symbolize”體現(xiàn)詞匯的豐富性）范文三：（101中學(xué)14分）work.Notonlyisshearesponsibleperson,butalsosheisveryoptimisticandoftenencouragesustoworkharderwhenwefeeldown.Lastbutnotleast,sheisthoughtfulandpatientandisalwaystheretohelpuswhenwecomeacrossproblemseitherwithourstudiesorwithourlives. Forexample,onceIgotveryanxiousbeforethefinalexambecauseIalwaysmadesmallmistakesinmytasksandhomework.Aftershelearnedaboutthis,sheinvitedmetositnexttoherandspentalongtimetalkingwithmeandgivingmeadviceonhowtokeepcalm,whichhelpedmefacetherealityandimprovemyselfmorequickly. Fromher,Ihavelearnedbothknowledgeandgoodvirtues.Herbehavioralwaysremindsmetobeoptimisticinfaceofdifficultiesandtobepatientwiththepeoplearoundme.Fortheseresons,sheiswithoutdoubtthebestheroinmyheart.（203字）點(diǎn)評(píng)： 這篇文章之所以成為人大附的高分范文，最主要的原因在于作者能夠很好的將要點(diǎn)融入到高級(jí)的長(zhǎng)難句當(dāng)中，并且全文無(wú)語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，通讀下來(lái)十分流暢，思路清晰，層次分明，表達(dá)高級(jí)。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：IhavealwaysregardedmyEnglishteacherasmyherobecauseofherpatientandkindness.我總是把我的英語(yǔ)老師當(dāng)成我的英雄，因?yàn)樗哪托暮陀押谩otonlyisshearesponsibleperson,butalsosheisveryoptimisticandoftenencouragesustoworkharderwhenwefeeldown.不僅因?yàn)樗且粋€(gè)負(fù)責(zé)的人，還因?yàn)樗龢?lè)觀的態(tài)度并且經(jīng)常在我們失落的時(shí)候鼓勵(lì)我們。（此句以notonly開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)法上需要倒裝，后面butalso運(yùn)用正常語(yǔ)序即可，并且作者并不滿足于知識(shí)套用這個(gè)句型而是繼續(xù)把句子寫長(zhǎng)加上了when引導(dǎo)的時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句）sheisthoughtfulandpatientandisalwaystheretohelpuswhenwecomeacrossproblemseitherwithourstudiesorwithourlives.她思慮周全又有耐心，還經(jīng)常在我們遇到學(xué)習(xí)或生活中的困難時(shí)幫助我們。（此句又是一個(gè)成功的長(zhǎng)句，首先是thoughtful和patient這些小詞用的精準(zhǔn)貼切，其次是不僅運(yùn)用when引導(dǎo)時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)從句還有either…or…和準(zhǔn)確運(yùn)用。）infaceofdifficulties面對(duì)困難Sb.iswithoutdoubt…某人毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)是…范文二：（人大附12分） Everyonehashisheroinhisheart.Myheroismyteacher－Ms.Gao.Sheiskindandhelpful.AndIstillremembertheexperiencethatmademegetbackmyconfidenceinthenation-wideEnglishspeechcompetitionlastyear. Atfirst,Ididn’tknowwhattowriteformyspeech,butaftertalkingtomyteacherandreadingsomebooks,IhadsomeideasandwithMs.Gao’shelp,Ipracticemyspeechmanytimes.Onthedayofthecompetition,Isawmanypeoplethereandthismademefeelverynervous.IstartedtoworrythatIwouldforgetmyspeech.ThenIrememberwhatMs.Gaotoldme－closemyeyesandtakedeepbreaths.Ididthatanditmademefeelmuchbetter.Whenmyturncame,Igavemyspeechwithconfidence.IwaitedanxiouslyfortheresultandwhenIheardthatIwasthefirstpricewinner,Ijumpedupanddowninjoy. Inaword,sheisaniceandhelpfulteacherinmyheart.Sheisarealheroinmyheart.（186字）點(diǎn)評(píng)：這篇文章首先比較好的一點(diǎn)是內(nèi)容完整，講述的故事的闡釋力比較強(qiáng)，但是沒(méi)有能上一檔文的一個(gè)重要原因在于寫的比較保守，詞匯運(yùn)用比較簡(jiǎn)單，短句較多，讓人眼前一亮的長(zhǎng)句少，幾乎沒(méi)有。結(jié)尾也比較簡(jiǎn)單。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：Istillremembertheexperiencethatmademegetbackmyconfidenceinthenation-wideEnglishspeechcompetitionlastyear.我依然記得的一次經(jīng)歷是去年國(guó)家級(jí)英語(yǔ)演講比賽時(shí)讓我重拾信心。（作為這篇文章中僅有兩個(gè)好句中的一個(gè)長(zhǎng)句，首先由that定語(yǔ)從句，后面還加上了地點(diǎn)和時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)）IwaitedanxiouslyfortheresultandwhenIheardthatIwasthefirstpricewinner,Ijumpedupanddowninjoy.我焦急地等待結(jié)果，當(dāng)我聽(tīng)到自己獲得第一名的時(shí)候高興得跳起來(lái)。Jumpupanddowninjoy開(kāi)心地跳上跳下話題三：你是否符合“文明之星”范文一：（101中學(xué)12月考15分） Ithinkmybehaviorsurelymeetthestandardofbeing“astarstudentofcivility”.Iampoliteandmodestallthetime.Ihavenevertalkedbacktomyparentsathomeeveniftheyarestronglyagainstmyidea.Besides,Ineverbreakinwhiletheyarevoicingtheiropinions.What’smore,Ineverfailtokeepawayfromdirtywords.Indeed,Ineverinsultorlookdownuponothers.Inaddition,Ilovehelpingothers.I’malwayseagertohelppeoplearoundmewhentheyhavedifficulties.Onweekends,Ialsotakeoversomehouseworkfrommyparents,likesweepingandmoppingthefloor. I’mwillingtobelikethatanddothesethings.Politenessisanobvioussymbolofcivilizationandtherewillbenodifferencesbetweenhumansandanimalsifeveryoneisrude.IalsoconsiderhelpingothersawonderfulthingwhenothersbenefitfrommyhelpandIgetgreatpleasureatthesametime.Helpingothers,ashaslongbeenpraisedasamorality,playsanindispensableroleincivility. Ineverfeeltiredorfed-upwhenIdosuchthings,thoughsometimesthey’reexhaustingorevenpains-taking.I’mhappytobelikewhatIamtodayandthemoreI’mpoliteandhelpful,themoreIgetencouragedtocarryon.Ireallyenjoycivility. IthinkI’mqualifiedtobea“starstudentofcivility”,Iwouldbeverygladifyouchooseme.Thanksalot.(246字)點(diǎn)評(píng)：這篇文章從整體，從每一句話的細(xì)節(jié)上都有可圈可點(diǎn)的地方，唯一的一個(gè)小瑕疵就是字?jǐn)?shù)偏多，應(yīng)該控制在215字左右會(huì)更佳。整篇文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，思路完整，內(nèi)容豐富，搭配和表達(dá)都很地道，很多長(zhǎng)句很高級(jí)并且包含很多高級(jí)詞匯，是一篇難得的佳作。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：meetthestandardof…符合…的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)againstone’sopinion反對(duì)某人的建議eagertohelppeoplearoundmewhentheyhavedifficulties.渴望幫助我身邊的人，當(dāng)她們遇到困難的時(shí)候。takeoversomehousework掌管一些家務(wù)活likesweepingandmoppingthefloor.比如掃地拖地。playsanindispensablerolein...在…中扮演不可或缺的角色I(xiàn)neverfeeltiredorfed-upwhenIdosuchthings,thoughsometimesthey’reexhaustingorevenpains-taking.當(dāng)我做這些事的時(shí)候我從來(lái)不會(huì)覺(jué)得累或者厭倦，雖然這些事有時(shí)候令人疲倦甚至煞費(fèi)人苦心。Carryon繼續(xù)bequalifiedto…有資格做某事IalsoconsiderhelpingothersawonderfulthingwhenothersbenefitfrommyhelpandIgetgreatpleasureatthesametime.我把幫助別人看成是一件很美妙的事情，當(dāng)我能幫助他們獲益并且我自己也能從中收獲快樂(lè)。話題四：假期生活及新學(xué)期打算范文一：人大附 ThissummervacationIwenttoKenyawithmyfather.Itisabeautifulcountrywhichhasalotofwildanimals.Wetookacarandsawagreatnumberofgnusandelephantseatinggrass.Thefoodtherewereverydelicious.WetriedmanykindsoftraditionalEnglishdinerinKenya.Afterdinnerwealwaystookawalkaroundthehotelandenjoyedtheviewoftheskywhichwasfilledwithstars.Inaword,IhadaverygoodtimeinKenya! Asforthenewterm,Ihavealreadymadeseveralplans.Letmetellyousome!Firstly,I’mgoingtolearnwaterpainting.Ithinkit’llbeabitdifficultforme,butIdecidetohaveatry.What’smore,IplantoreadafantasticEnglishbooknamedJaneEyre.ItwillhelpmeimprovemyEnglish. Howaboutyou?Wheredidyougoonyousummervacation?Doyouhaveanyplanforthenewterm?Writetomesoonandtellmesomeofyourplans.(176字)點(diǎn)評(píng)：這篇范文很突出的一個(gè)點(diǎn)在于語(yǔ)言表達(dá)的自然流暢，前后銜接過(guò)渡好，具備良好的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)能力，并且有運(yùn)用長(zhǎng)句的意識(shí)，全文三個(gè)部分層次分明，內(nèi)容充實(shí)。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：enjoytheviewofsth.欣賞…的美景takeawalk散步fantastic極好的Afterdinnerwealwaystookawalkaroundthehotelandenjoyedtheviewoftheskywhichwasfilledwithstars.晚飯后，我們總是在酒店附近散散步，欣賞繁星滿天的美景。話題五；向外國(guó)人介紹中國(guó)禮儀whatareyousupposedtodowhenyoumeetsomeoneforthefirsttime?whatshouldyoudowhenolderpeopleareatthedinnertable?Whatdoyouusuallydotobepoliteathomeandatschool?WhatisthemostimportanttogetalongwithpeopleinChina?范文一；（人大附） AsthemannersinAmericaisnotexactlyparalleltooursinChina,it’smypleasuretoinformyouofourcustoms.Whenwemeetforthefirsttime,it’sacceptabletoshakehandswitheachother.We‘renotsupposedtohavemealsuntilolderpeoplestarttoeat,andatthesametime,wechildrenshouldlowerourcupsabitasamarkofrespect. Besides,wekeeppolitebothathomeandatschool.Insteadofaskingparentsforhelpfromtimetotime,servingthemacupofteamaybeofhelptodriveawaytheirtiredness.Peopletalkingbacktotheirparentsareconsideredasimpoliteguys,andwealwaysvolunteertotakeonhouseworkduringourfreetime.Atschool,werespectaltheclassmatesandteachers.Andevenifweshineatsomething,we’reexpectedtobemodestallthetime,whichisseenasatraditionalvirtue. Doyoufeeluneasywhilereadingtheseendlessmanners?Actually,thelocalpeopleareveryeasytogetalongwith,aslongasyou’repoliteandfriendly,whichisthemostimportant. ApleasantlifeinBeijingishand-in-handwithyourgoodbehaviors.Isuggestyoufollowthesecustoms.Iguessthereliesmydutytohelp! Ihopeyou’llenjoyyourselfinBeijing.（221字）點(diǎn)評(píng)：這篇范文最突出的特點(diǎn)就是能夠熟練套用各類建議類的句型且無(wú)語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，句型多樣。此外整篇文章的銜接自然，思路層次比較清晰，內(nèi)容完整，表達(dá)流暢，有很強(qiáng)的借鑒性。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：beparallelto與…平行it’sacceptableto…做某事是可接受的sb.supposedto…某人應(yīng)該做某事asamarkof…是…的標(biāo)志insteadofdoingsth,doingsth.maybeofgreathelpto…與其做某事，不如做某事來(lái)…beconsideredas被認(rèn)為是sb.suggestssb.(should)dosth.建議某人做某事Actually,thelocalpeopleareveryeasytogetalongwith,aslongasyou’repoliteandfriendly,whichisthemostimportant.事實(shí)上，當(dāng)?shù)厝硕己芎孟嗵帲灰隳軌蛴卸Y貌并且友好，這才是最重要的。范文二：（人大附） I’mgladtohearfromyou.WelcometoBeijing.IamgladtotellyousomeimportantmannersinChina. Tobeginwith,it’salwaysimportanttogivepeopleagoodfirstimpression,sowearesupposedtogreetpeoplebyshakinghandsinsteadofhugging.Besides,wearenotexpectedtocallsomeone’snamedirectly.Thereisalsosomethingyouneedtorememberwhenolderpeopleareatthedinnertable.It’snecessaryforustostarteatingafterolderpeople.Inaddition,wearesupposedtoholdourcupslowerthantheolderpeople’swhenwecheertogether. Iholdtheviewthatitisimportantforustobepolitebothatschoolandathome.Asforme,Ineverfailtogreetteachersnomatterwearefamiliarornot.What’smore,Ialwayshelpclassmatesinneedforthat’swhatfriendshipreallymeans.Besidesthat,I’mgladtohelpmyparentstodohouseworkathome,foritcanreleasetheirpleasurefromwork.Lastbutnotleast,Inevertalkbacktomyparentsathome. Tosumup,IbelievethemostimportantthingtogetalongwithChinesepeopleistorespectthem.Chinesepeoplearequietwarm-heartedandifyouhaveanydifficulties,don’tbenervoustoaskforhelp. IhopeyouenjoyyourselfinBeijing.(227字)點(diǎn)評(píng)：首先這篇范文最好的一個(gè)值得其他考生學(xué)習(xí)的一個(gè)點(diǎn)在于它的銜接詞，非常豐富并且符合語(yǔ)境，上文中標(biāo)紫色的均是（tobeginwith;besides;inaddition;asforme;what’smore;besidesthat;lastbutnotleast;tosumup）此外對(duì)于同一語(yǔ)意，作者也盡量多用不同的表達(dá)法，例如Ibelieve和Iholdtheviewthat…,并且還有表示建議類的多種表達(dá)法的句型課參照下面。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：wearesupposedtogreetpeoplebyshakinghandsinsteadofhugging.我們應(yīng)該在與人問(wèn)候時(shí)握手而不是擁抱。（這句話與一般同學(xué)寫的weshouldshakehandswithothers要高級(jí)的地方在于首先“應(yīng)該”換成了besupposedto其次后面還有一個(gè)insteadof加長(zhǎng)句子）beexpectedto=besupposedto=itisnecessaryto這三個(gè)表達(dá)法都可以運(yùn)用到建議類的書寫中sb.neverfailto…某人從不錯(cuò)失機(jī)會(huì)去…tosumup=inconclusion=allinall=inone/aword表示總結(jié)的段落可以用這幾個(gè)開(kāi)頭。warm-heartedr熱心的話題六：最喜歡的禮物范文一：2中14分 Ihavereceivedalotofpresentsbutmyfavoriteoneisanice-creamcakewhichwassentbymybestfriend. WegotinafightonedayandIwasverysad.Ithoughtshewouldnevertalkwithme.Buttomysurprise,shecametovisitmeandbroughtmeanice-creamcakewhichwaswithcookiesandchocolatesonit.ThecakewaslovelyandIwasmoved.Wesharedthecaketogetherandwhenthesmoothandfrozenice-creamrushedintomymonth,IthoughtIhavetastedthefriendship. Thecakeismyfavoritegiftever.（102字）點(diǎn)評(píng)：這篇文章最好的一個(gè)點(diǎn)在于取材，內(nèi)容很感人，書寫流暢，無(wú)語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，所以讀過(guò)來(lái)十分享受的同時(shí)，作者又很好地闡釋啦自己最喜歡的禮物，美中不足的是字?jǐn)?shù)相對(duì)較少，內(nèi)容上應(yīng)該再多一些擴(kuò)充，特別是最后的感想關(guān)于友誼的部分可以再展開(kāi)。實(shí)用借鑒詞組及句型：getinafight鬧別扭toone’ssurprise讓某人吃驚的是tas