孔雀東南飛-英語搞笑短劇劇本

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)劉蘭芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’smother(jmforshort)劉母lunch’smother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)強盜burglars(abandc)prologue序幕(j作被打狀跑上臺,內砸出一卷紙筒,j被打中,狼狽不堪)j:everybodysaysthati’mhenpecked,butinfact,i’mastrongtiger,(小聲)whilemywifeiswusong.譯：人人都說我怕老婆，實際上我是老虎，（小聲）我妻子是武松。(指著上臺處的門大聲道)i’mnotafraidofyou!譯：我才不怕你呢！(內砸出一臉盆,j接住當成盾牌護著頭)then,i’mafraidofwhom!mywifelunchiisthemostfamouswomanintheneighborhood.sheisbraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.allthisidonotcare.ionlywanthertobetendererthanme.butsheisnot!havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!譯：誰怕誰??！在鄰里中，我妻子是最有名氣的。她比我勇敢、比我聰明、比我強壯。我也不在乎這些。我只覺得她該對我溫柔些，但是她卻不懂溫柔！有這樣的太太就像活在地獄中??！(內又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中j)mygod!whocanhelpme?(下)譯：我的天！誰來救救我啊？act1第一幕(序幕結束時,jm作竊聽狀)jm(拄拐棍上):ican!(對門內)lunch!lunch!whereareyou?l(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):i’mhere!what’sup，mum?jm:ihavetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law”.l:ok.mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?jm:sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,solazy……l:but……jm:neverinterruptme!l:neverinterruptme!sinceimarriedyourson,thatterriblejohnny,ihavebeenworkinghardalldaylong,cookingandwashing.ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchickenand……jm:butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!l(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(開始解圍裙)goandaskyourson.i’mleaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在jm的臉上,下)act2(lm坐在臺上打毛線,l拿著鍋鏟上)l:mum,i’mback!lm:youareback?why?whathappened?l:iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.lm(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):see!ihavealreadytoldyou!whenyouinsistedonmarryingthatterriblejohnny,itoldyouthatheisugly,stupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlistentome.lookatyourself……l:but,mum……lm:neverinterruptme!l:mum,i’mnotinterr