CET寫作典型例文精彩點(diǎn)評(píng)

1、作文題目： “Women in the Modern World”提綱：1. Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today._2. With the changes in their social role, womens position in the family has been improved as well. _3. In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized._例1 （2分

2、段）Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. Long age, women only did something in the kitchen or at home. Now many of them have serious jobs to serve for people. What men can do so can women.With the changes in their social role, womens position in the family has been improv

3、ed as well. Today in the family, the wife often lots her husband to do something at home bat ago, only women did something. Men are foned of doing something at home.In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Sometimes, the matter, the husband hitting has wel

4、f, often happened. In the factory the wonmen to as much as the men, but they are paid less than the men. Some people have not completely realized the liberation of women.點(diǎn)評(píng)：條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，有的甚至影響理解。具體問題剖析：(1)缺乏邏輯，東一句西一句，沒有圍繞中心論述，如第一段就沒有展開論述婦女社會(huì)角色的轉(zhuǎn)變，說得太籠統(tǒng)而缺乏說服力。（2）用漢語思維，句子有明顯的漢語痕跡，如“What men can

5、 do so can women.”，應(yīng)改為“Women can do what men can do”。（3）銜接不自然，沒有用適當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)聯(lián)詞，如“Sometimes, the matter, the husband hitting has welf, often happened”，應(yīng)改為“The case that husband hits his wife often happens. ”（4）拼寫錯(cuò)誤很多，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤。例2（5分段 ）Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. In tod

6、ay, many women have a work. They worked as well as men playing an important part in factories. There are many women in government also. They lead other people country, and make out plans. There are many scientist slso. They event new things to improve our life.With the changes in their social role,

7、womens position in the family has been improved as well. In ancient, womens position in family is pity. They had to looks after their children, did every how husband ordered her to do. But now it is changed. They are equal to her husband. They have the right of speaking of idea, discussion thing wit

8、h her husband, do what she wants to do.In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. We also should realize, women likerty are limited. For example, many factories want men become its workers but the chance of women is less than men. Everyone should do their be

9、st to change this condition. Im sure, the liberation of women would be increased.點(diǎn)評(píng)：基本切題。但表達(dá)思想不清楚，連貫性差。有較多的嚴(yán)重語言錯(cuò)誤。具體問題剖析：（1）各段圍繞中心句論述不深入，沒有說服力。（2）銜接不自然，沒有用適當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)聯(lián)詞，如第一段幾個(gè)句子之間可以用一些“besides”、“on the other hand”、“furthermore”、“in addition”等。（3）語言錯(cuò)誤較多，很多句子不通順，如“In today, many women have a work.”應(yīng)改為“Today,

10、 many women get a job.”(濫用介詞)；“In ancient, womens position in family is pity”中pity應(yīng)改為pitiful（詞形誤用）；“They had to looks after their children, did every how husband ordered her to do.”中every 改為everything，how改為what（代詞錯(cuò)誤）；“They have the right of speaking of idea, discussion thing with her husband, do wha

11、t she wants to do.”應(yīng)改為“They have the right to express ideas, discuss things with their respective husband, and do what they want to.”(人稱代詞前后不一致)。 例3（8分段）Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. Many Women today are playing an important part at works that was thought only co

12、uld be done by the men before. For an example. Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become manager of a company.With the changes in their social role, womens position in the family has been improved as well. In the world today, more and more women have their own job. They get the

13、ir own salary, and become more independent from their husband. With the economic situation improved, their family position is improving.In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Many husbands only want his wife to stay at home, and do house works or do some

14、 shopping. They only want their wife to be a housewife, but not a manager of a company.點(diǎn)評(píng)：基本切題。有些地方表達(dá)思想不夠清楚，文字勉強(qiáng)連貫；語言錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多，其中有一些是嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。具體問題剖析：（1）論證不夠深入，缺少事例，缺少說服力。（2）文字缺連貫、且顯累贅，如第二段可以把各句再改得簡(jiǎn)練一點(diǎn)并且有適當(dāng)?shù)霓D(zhuǎn)承詞。（3）語言錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多，如“For an example”，“Some women are not secrtary in the office, instead, they become mana

15、ger of a company.”應(yīng)改為“Some women are on longer secretaries in the office, instead, they become managers of the companies.”（單復(fù)數(shù)）例4（11分段）Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. More and more women go to work to earn money instead of keeping the house or looking after the chi

16、ldren. Women have entered many fields of society including scientific field. As we know, many women sports teams have won the worlds champions such as Chinese womens Volleyball Team.With the changes in their social role, womens position in the family has been improved as well. Husbands are not the m

17、asters of wives in many places. Husbands and wives are equal now. They join together to overcome difficulties and share happiness.In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. Also in some places. Women are considered being “thing” belong to men. They have litt

18、le chance to find jobs. They dont get equal pay for equal job. This is a problem must be solved not only by society but also by women themselves. 點(diǎn)評(píng)：切題。表達(dá)思想清楚，文字連貫，用詞比較準(zhǔn)確，但有少量語言錯(cuò)誤，如“Also in some places. Women are considered being “thing” belong to men”，應(yīng)改為“Also in some places，women are considered be

19、ing the “things”that belong to men”例5（14分段）Women are playing an increasingly important part in society today. In Many countries, more and more women are acting as workers, farmers, scientists and even leaders. We can say that almost all jobs which men can do are done perfectly by women. Women are no

20、 longer looked down upon by society.With the changes in their social role, womens position in the family has been improved as well. Husband and wife are now equal in the family. They cope with problems of daily life together, and share happiness with each ther. Also, you can hardly find out that in

21、todays families, women are being busy with dinners, whereas men comfortably sitting in armchairs, reading newspapers.In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. A number of m

22、en still jealously guard their rights, and regard women as incapable creature. Few women are allowed to attend important international meetings dominated by men. Thats really the problems we should solve immediately. 點(diǎn)評(píng)：切題。論證充分，有說服力，論證手段豐富（舉例、正反）表達(dá)思想清楚，語言流暢，詞匯豐富，連貫性好。用詞準(zhǔn)確，僅有個(gè)別小錯(cuò)誤。p.s. 由于一些例文錯(cuò)誤較多，點(diǎn)評(píng)中

23、只是列舉了部分的典型錯(cuò)誤，而且為了保持原文面貌，編輯沒有做過多的改動(dòng)，所以歡迎大家一起來挑錯(cuò)，有問題和小水一起討論。2003年9月考試四級(jí)作文題：The Day My Classmate Fell Ill (or Got Injured)提綱：1.簡(jiǎn)單敘述一下這位同學(xué)生病（或受傷）的情況2.同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的3.人與人之間的這種相互關(guān)愛給我的感受是例1 （2分段） One day, we are all in classroom. Wang fang said, Oh! We all see her and found that she was crying! Teacher t

24、urned to ask her what was wrong. She said, I do got a fever, my head is very hot! Feng Gang sent she to hospital, we all followed they. In the hospital, doctor Wang give a inject to her, she gradually calm and not hot as before. We all thanked the doctor.點(diǎn)評(píng)：未能按照題目要求寫，沒有著重寫同學(xué)、老師和我是如何幫助他/她的 人與人之間的這種相互

25、關(guān)愛給我的感受是。條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有錯(cuò)誤，有的甚至影響理解。原文修改后： One day, when we were all in classroom., Wang fang Suddenly cried, Oh! We all looked at her and found that she was groaning. Teacher turned to ask her what was wrong. She said, I have got a fever, my head is very hot! Immediately, our teacher sent her to

26、hospital, and we all followed them. In the hospital, we asked doctor Wang to give an injection to her, and she gradually became calm and not as hot as before. We all thanked the doctor. The day has passed, but it is clearly in my mind. I think if we can do things like that in the incident, the socie

27、ty will be better, and the relationship between people will be better as well!例2（5分段） Last week, li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining said to me that he had a headache .I asked he to see doctor. he said it was not bad. After 5 miniuts, lining sai to me his headache very serious. So I

28、 helped him go to hosptial. Students and teacher heard lining went to hosptial, all of them went to the hosptial. Some teacher asked lining dont worry, it will be good .Some students asked lining take care of himself. lining said that he was very moved. Thought this things, I think a lot .The world

29、is beautiful, because the love filled in it .people can help each other when who are in trouble. 點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題。語句銜接不自然，簡(jiǎn)單句使用得太多，有些表達(dá)不太準(zhǔn)確，有明顯的中文痕跡。要加強(qiáng)銜接詞的運(yùn)用，單復(fù)句的轉(zhuǎn)換，句式的多樣化，還有語言基本功的訓(xùn)練。原文修改后： Last week, Li ning and I studied in classroom. Suddenly, lining told me that he had a headache. I asked him to see t

30、he doctor. he said it was not so serious. After 5 minutes, Lining told me that his headache became worse. So I helped him go to hospital. When Students and teachers heard that Lining had gone to hospital, all of them went to the hospital. Some teachers asked Lining not to worry and to take care of h

31、imself. Lining said that he was very moved. Throught this, I think a lot.The world is beautiful because it was filled in love-people help each other in trouble. 例3（8分段） One day there is a student who was isolated for infectious disease. We and our teachers are concerting about his situation. But he

32、must be isolated from us for relivesing measure. In this important period, we telephoned to him, we also told him that he had a good rest time. we suggested that he call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burden study and read some books which he enjoys but have no time to read .At

33、 last we told him that he must get over this fell . I think we should love each other .when somebody needs help we should lend our one hand to him. 點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文基本切題，也有必要的細(xì)節(jié)描述。但有的地方表達(dá)不清楚。有比較多的語言錯(cuò)誤。要注意連接詞的使用和句式多樣化，長(zhǎng)短句可以間隔使用，使用長(zhǎng)句時(shí)注意語法、力求表達(dá)清楚。具體問題剖析：(1)全文時(shí)態(tài)不統(tǒng)一（舉例略）。（2）第二段語句銜接不自然，句式重復(fù)，且長(zhǎng)句組織起來顯得有點(diǎn)凌亂，語法錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多。在原文基

34、礎(chǔ)上修改如下：In this important period, we telephoned him, and told him to have a good rest.Besides, we advised him to call up his friends who were not kept in touch because of burdensome study ,on the other hand, to read some books which he enjoyed but had no time to read. At last we told him that he must

35、 overcome this ill.例4（11分段） In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold. First day when he came to school, we found that his eyes were red and his sound was rough. The second day, his cold was too bad that he couldnt go to school. At that time, there was a serious ill called SARS in o

36、ur country. Its just like badly cold and can infected others easily. But our classmates didnt go away from him. They seemed more close to him. Our classmates helped him to take back breakfast. Our teacher came to see him with his notes book. He helped him to study in order that he didnt drop behind

37、my classmates For he was my best friend, I just sat on his bed and do my best to comfort him. Althought there was SARS around us, but I felt very warm from this thing. It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. An

38、d not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. How happy we were! 點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文切題，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字比較連貫, 但有一些語法錯(cuò)誤。具體問題剖析：全文有一些語法、語言錯(cuò)誤，如In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold.應(yīng)改為In 1 April 2003,one of my classmates got serious cold.（時(shí)態(tài)）；First day when he came to

39、 school,應(yīng)改為The first day when he came to school,（介詞遺漏）；his sound was rough.應(yīng)改為his voice was rough.（用詞）；Althought there was SARS around us, I felt very warm from this thing.應(yīng)把but去掉（連詞）； It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult.應(yīng)改為It told me that the love from true h

40、eart could help come across any difficulties.（時(shí)態(tài)、詞性錯(cuò)誤）；We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family.應(yīng)改為We are so lucky that we live in a big warm family.（詞性）。例5（14分段） During the SARS period in this spring, the year of 2003, one of my classmates, Li ming, was struck down by the virus and was i

41、mmediately sent to hospital. The news spread quickly on campus. At first, we were terrified and wondered if we were infected too. However, through our governments publicity on mass media, we gradually conquered the fear and set out to try out best to help her. Some teachers provided darly necessitie

42、s while some students recorded the English class contents for him so that Li ming could not be left behind. With our care and concern, Li ming recovered quickly. Such an incident teaches us a good moral. Our society is full of love, warm and peaceful, in which people-from man to woman, from individu

43、al to individual-lend others a hand. Just like a famous song goes, the world will turn itto heaven only if everyone contributes a little. and I do believe that its my great honor to live in this love-filled paradise!點(diǎn)評(píng)：本文切題，論證豐富生動(dòng)，表達(dá)思想清楚，文字通順，連貫性較好。基本上無大的語言錯(cuò)誤，僅有個(gè)別小錯(cuò)誤。p.s. 由于一些例文錯(cuò)誤較多，點(diǎn)評(píng)中只是列舉了部分的典型錯(cuò)誤，

44、而且為了保持原文面貌，編輯沒有做過多的改動(dòng)，所以歡迎大家一起來挑錯(cuò)，有問題和小水一起討論。2003年9月六級(jí)考試作文題：圖表作文，關(guān)于一個(gè)美國(guó)大學(xué)圖書館的圖書流動(dòng)量（pop fiction, general nonfiction, science, art等），給出他們的流動(dòng)比例對(duì)比，說明原因，并說明你自己喜歡閱讀什么樣的書。例1 （2分段）此分段標(biāo)準(zhǔn)為條理不清，思路紊亂，大部分句子均有嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。（為了不影響市容，給大家造成負(fù)面影響，故此處略去100字）例2（5分段） From the novel, we can see that the students like read(reading)

45、 novel, at the same time, only (a) small part of students like read(reading) science and art. The reason to(for) this is novel is intereting(interesting), students like reading it. Most of the students read too much(many) major books when they have classes, so they want to read some(something) inter

46、esting (when) they have time. Novel can let them relax(relaxed). So they choose novel. I like read(reading) novel, by reading it I know a lot of things, I also relax my brains. So I choose the novel. 點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)基本切題。(2)表達(dá)思想不清楚，連貫性差。(3)有較多的嚴(yán)重語言錯(cuò)誤。（4）字?jǐn)?shù)不夠，要酌情扣分。例3（8分段） We can know from the picture that mos

47、t of students like reading popular novel instead of reading science, poetry. From this we can know different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books. Different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books. They read different books just to meet their different needs. B

48、ecause different people have different meets to read the different kinds of books. From this we can also see that different people have different intentions and notions. So they choose the different things to meet their needs in every facet in life. I like reading poetry because I think poetry can m

49、ake me calm, pleased, comfort(comforted), (and) I can see many beautiful thing(things) in the poetry. 點(diǎn)評(píng)：(1)基本切題。(2)第二段表達(dá)有點(diǎn)亂。（3）語言錯(cuò)誤相當(dāng)多，其中有一些是嚴(yán)重錯(cuò)誤。例4（11分段） Book is the source of life. When we read a book, we should not only linger on the surface of a book, but also we should(刪掉) master its intrinsic

50、. As is charted in the blank, we can see clearly that a majority of the university students in America are addictet(addicted) to the popular fiction, and a minority of student like reading the science, poetry. Why do they like reading popular novels? In my opinion, popular novel books are usually in

51、teresting, earthly, close to our lives. In contrast, science, poetry books are usually serious, dull and difficult. Therefore, most of the students prefer the popular novels. I like reading the since book（science books）. For one thing, it can make me enhance my speciality knoweledy(specialized knowl

52、edge); In addition, it can help me know the frontier about my speciality and master the newest things in since(science); thirdly, it can give a good chance to know a lot and can help me to study the useful subject when I graduate from the university.點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）本文基本切題，表達(dá)思想清楚。（2）文字連貫，語言通順。（3）有一些語言錯(cuò)誤。例5（14分

53、段） It can be discerned that the American students prefer to read the popular novel rather than other kind of books, such as the nonpopular (unpopular) novel, the books of technology, poem and so on. The percentage of the popular novel current(currently) is about 68.2%. Other kind of novels current(c

54、urrently) is, reletively (relatively), about 16.8%, 8.3%, and 5.2%. It is not hard to think out why the popular novels can attract so many students. The popular novel is interesting, and not so abstract as books that full of the mathmatic formulate(mathematic formulae). However, as university studen

55、ts, study is the first task for us to do. So we should pay more attention to the books about our major. Fictions may color our life, but it can not be the key part of our studying life. Personally, I would like to spend my free time in reading books about my major, such as technology digests, comput

56、er newspaper. Because I want do to(刪掉) a good job in my subjects. Fortunately, my dreams come true, meanwhile, I ve gained other things-I found（have founded） a solid basic knowledge about my major(加破折號(hào))make me feel easy to contrive the electronic circuit which have to be done during our bachelor yea

57、rs. Thanks to those books!點(diǎn)評(píng)：（1）切題。（2）論證比較有力，表達(dá)思想清楚。 （3）文字通順，連貫性較好，但有個(gè)別語言錯(cuò)誤。注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯(cuò)誤，括號(hào)里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對(duì)于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動(dòng)。2003年6月考試四級(jí)作文題：An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident假設(shè)你在某日某時(shí)某地目擊一起車禍，就此寫一份見證書。見證書須包括以下幾點(diǎn)：1、車禍發(fā)生的時(shí)間及地點(diǎn)；2、你所見到的車禍情況；3、你對(duì)車禍原因的分析。例1 （2分段） At 9:00, Jan. 20, 2003, I eye-witness a traffic accident in Dongfa