優(yōu)秀作文選二(初三)

1、作文題目:描述一件令你感到開心(或激動、遺憾、傷心、憤怒、失望等的事情。請在作文中描述事情發(fā)生的過程、當時的情感,以及此事對你的影響。寫作要求:1.根據(jù)提示,用英語寫一篇60字的短文。2.請在空格線上答題;每格寫一個單詞,標點可不占格。3.作文評分依據(jù):語言、結構、內涵和文采。讀題分析該作文題要求學生記敘身邊所發(fā)生過的一件事,這件事情令你激動、遺憾、傷心、憤怒、失望等。學生可以選擇自己獨特的角度去描述,發(fā)揮空間很大,可以選取的寫作素材也非常多,因為每一個個體的經(jīng)歷都是有別于其他人的。相信他們一定會發(fā)現(xiàn)有事可記敘,有話題可說。參賽考生如能將文章篇幅的80%用語描述,20%用于談此事對作者的影響,

2、這樣寫就達到寫作要求,不會偏離本主題。記敘文是以寫人、敘事為主要內容的一種文體,也是英語作文中最普遍、最基本的文體。一般說來,有時間、地點、人物、時間、原因和結果六要素。記敘文的重點在于“述說”和“描寫”。一篇記敘文只要把這些要素寫清楚,文章就會內容具體、眉目清晰、中心意思明確。寫人時,要注意介紹人物的身世、經(jīng)歷和事跡等;敘事時,要寫清事情發(fā)生于發(fā)展的過程以及事情法傷的前因后果等。記敘文的寫作特點如下:(一人稱:英語的記敘文一般是以第一或第三人稱的角度來敘述的。(二時態(tài):記敘文一般分為事實記敘文和想象記敘文。事實記敘文是寫已發(fā)生的真實事情,常用一般過去時;想象記敘文是寫虛擬的故事,常用一般現(xiàn)在

3、時及將來時。本題目要求以事實敘述為主來寫作。(三敘述順序記敘文寫作最常用的敘述順序有以下幾種:1.以時間為線索,按時間順序展開;2.以地點為線索,以地點的轉移為順序展開;3.以事件發(fā)展的過程為線索,或以人物出現(xiàn)的先后順序展開。(四敘述的過渡過渡在上下文中起著承上啟下、融會貫通的作用。過渡往往用在地點轉移或事件、事件轉換以及由概括說明到具體說敘述。(五敘述與對話引用故事情節(jié)中主要人物的對話是提高記敘文表現(xiàn)力的一種好方法。適當?shù)赜弥苯右Z代替間接的主觀敘述,可以客觀生動地反映人物的性格、品質和心理狀態(tài),使記敘生動、有趣,使文章內容更加充實、具體。佳作展評習作一:To keep or notSome

4、thing changed my life several years ago. My mum asked me whether I wanted a little brother. I was still very young at that time and was sulky because mum didnt buy me a doll. Ithought that if I had a baby brother, he could be my toy. So I said. “Why not?” And the next thing I knew was my mother was

5、pregnant! For Chinese children today, it isnt common to have a sibling, but I do, and I love it. I waited for ten months until my mum was sent to hospital. I waited worriedly, crying for my mother and my baby brother. My eyes were swollen. When mum came home, I purred what an adoring thing!Up to thi

6、s day, I still do not regret my decision, even though my brother has already grown up and is not a cure little baby anymore.綜合點評:該文從選材敘述的角度上獨樹一幟。文章一開頭就開門見山,以“Something changed my life several years ago”一句話告訴讀者,她母親懷孕要給她再生一個弟弟的消息。此事對于絕大多數(shù)中國獨生子女的初中生來說,絕對是一個引人入勝的好故事,選材真實可信。她聽到母親懷孕時的喜出望外,和等待她母親和弟弟回家的心理活動

7、,這些描述都自然可信。此文把她對她母親的擔心和對弟弟的愛寫得很感人。文章結尾簡潔,但是令人回味無窮。把弟弟當做玩具享用到真心喜歡弟弟的姐弟之情在結尾句中自然流露。習作二:It was the most inspiring thing that has ever happened in my life. I was fascinated by the drums when I was eight. I was imaging if I could have a set of real drums, I would be able to play in a band. But its only a

8、 dream for me. I pretended to play real drums when I was at home alone. I enjoyed waving my hands, hitting some books with chopsticks and making different sounds. Suddenly, my parents appeared at the door. They were surprised and I felt extremely embarrassed. Then they smiled. I was so anxious at th

9、at time that I didnt say a word. However, I received a present from my parents a week later. It was a set of drums! They encouraged me to keep on playing drums. They also told me to chase dreams and I was greatly inspired by my parents. I never doubt there is always possibility for things to happen.

10、綜合點評:此文記敘了作者如何夢想成真的一段經(jīng)歷。文章的開頭告訴人們,“我”的生活中一件最令人鼓舞人心的事是有夢想就要追逐,永不放棄,就會夢想成真。作者的選詞用句豐富,非謂語動詞運用熟練。下劃線部分為表述不妥,或可以改進的地方。修改1:has 改成had修改2:Suddenly, my parents appeared at the door.改為One day my parents appeared at the door suddenly.修改3:They were surprised and 改為Seeing their surprised eyes I修改4:anxious改為embar

11、rassed修改5:didnt 改為couldnt修改6:However 改為Surprisingly修改7:最后一句改為Now I never doubt that impossible is nothing if we keep on chasing our dreams.習作三:At the news that my grandfather was in hospital because of tuberculosis, I stared blankly at my mother, wishing her to say something else, something nice. Bu

12、t she wiped the corner of her eyes and stormed into her room, slamming the door with a resounding crash behind her. I picked up the notice form the hospital, wanting to tear it into pieces. How could such a thing ever happen? Suddenly, over the course of one night, my loving grandfather was sent to

13、hospital, having water extracted out of his lungs, and he might be lying on his deathbed. It was almost too much for me. The shock was so great but I didnt even cry, just standing beside the breakfast table, looking at the sun rays slanting downwards through the French windows. I loved my grandpa, a

14、nd I wanted him to be lying on the balcony, healthy, joyful. I wanted to hold his dried, weathered hands. It was then that the teas crashed out of my eyes.綜合點評:此文描述作者得知祖父得病后,她母親一連串的動作和她本人當時的心理活動。作者用詞自然真實準確,所選的詞匯很好地表述了她母親的悲痛心情。如“wiped the corner of her eyes and stormed into her room, slamming the doo

15、r with a resounding crash behind her.”這篇文章主題鮮明,構思新穎,描寫細致,運用了很多富有表現(xiàn)力的動詞,使得文章非常有感染力。作者細膩傳神的心情活動和描寫值得初中生借鑒學習。文末最后沒有談及此事對自己的影響。不過本文的用詞用句值得初中學生借鑒學習。習作四:I still remember how happy I was when I crossed the finishing line. Last Tuesday, our P.E. teacher said we would have a 100-meter test. Glancing at other

16、 students, they were all smiling at me. The reason is very simple: Im famous for my weight! I must attend the test. “Run!” With the sharp word, I began to run. At first, I was in the middle of the line, thinking I wasnt too fat. But then, more and more students left me behind. I felt hopeless and ve

17、ry tired. My legs moved more slowly, and I even wanted to stop. Suddenly, some words that my mum always tells me came into my mind: “You can do it, my boy! You can!”“Yes, I can!” I shouted! I wanted my arms crazily and ran faster and faster. I crossed the finishing line! I did it! I was so happy! Fr

18、om then on, I know that nothing is impossible.綜合點評:文本內容很完整,“事情發(fā)生的過程、當時的情感,以及此事對本人的影響”,都寫得頭頭是道;初中學生比較容易犯的“時態(tài)、語態(tài)”方面的錯誤,本文基本沒有出現(xiàn);語言生動,比如“Run!” With the sharp word, I began to run.語句之間借助連接詞,承接自然,如:At firstBut thenSuddenlyFrom then on此外,短文還運用了現(xiàn)在分詞作狀語的句子,如:I was in the middle of the line, thinking I wasnt

19、 too fat.修改建議:Glancing at other students, they were all smiling at me是個現(xiàn)在分詞做狀語的句子,不過現(xiàn)在分詞短語Glancing at other students邏輯主語和主句的主語they不一致,應修改為: When I was glancing at other students, they were all smiling at me.習作五:“Come on, you can do it,” I mumbled to myself over and over again before going onto the s

20、tage. Ismiled nervously at the audience below and started, “Good morning. Im here to eelect the new chairperson.” I paused and my mind has gone blank. I couldnt remember the speech that I had prepared for a long time. I rushed down the stage trying to find a place to hide. After a while, I calmed do

21、wn and recollected myself. I thought about my previous horrible speech. Actually, the main reason of my failure was nervousness and too much pressure I wanted this position too much. Though slightly upset and disappointed with myself, I made up my mind to try once more. At last, I succeeded. From th

22、en on, whenever I felt distressed, I would tell myself to calm down. Nothing really matters that much. Just be ourselves.綜合點評:總體印象:語法基本正確;標點符號使用規(guī)范;描述生動,如: “Come on, you can do it,” I mumbled to myself over and over again before going onto the stage.又如: “Good morning. Im here to ee lect the new chair

23、person.” I paused and my mind has gone blank.作者善于使用復合句,如現(xiàn)在分詞作狀語的句子:I rushed down the stage trying to find a place to hide. 過去做讓步狀語的句子:Though slightly upset and disappointed with myself, I made up my mind to try once more.本文在時態(tài)上有一些小問題。句子“ I paused and my mind has gone blank.”應改為:I paused and my mind

24、went blank.習作六:Say GoodbyeGolden leaves shuffled as autumn wind whispered softly. The setting sun sank to the horizon, painting the sky with a dark glow. Jack had been my best friend for five years, which made saying goodbye far too difficult for both of us. “Jack?”“Yes?”“Will you write letters? Or

25、just send an email?” Jack broke into a smile. “Of course I will.” Silence fell again as we realized the hardest time had come. “Jack,” I stood up, “youll always be my best friend.” Jack gave me a hug. Ill never forget that hug, because that was when two breaking hearts stayed the closest. “Ill miss

26、you.” And then he was gone. Thus I had experienced the first heartbreaking moment in my life, but I also learned: youll never say goodbye to your friends, because theyll always live in your heart.綜合點評:1、一切景語皆情語,開篇的景色描寫秋風、落葉、黃昏,與作者將要展現(xiàn)的惜別之情相映成趣。2、分詞伴隨狀態(tài)和非限制性定語從句的熟練使用展現(xiàn)了作者的英語應用能力。習作七:The Most Exciting

27、 ThingWhen it comes to the most exciting thing in my life, I will definitely choose the group singing at the school art festival, which adds a brilliant touch to my memory.As the school art festival approached, we four girls decided to sing a song, but trouble came one after another. Mistakes, argum

28、ents and conflicts almost separated us. However, strong mindsbrought us together and made us more determined to reach the success. We, four girls, sang hear and soul in pursuit of a perfect performance. Finally, when we stood confidently in the spotlight and sang the song we had practiced for hundre

29、ds of times, cheers rose from every corner of the theatre.In fact, its more than a performance. Its a dream of our girls. It will always impress the best upon my mind.綜合點評:本篇短文具有以下三個特點:1、語言能力突出。語言能力之運用語言做事的能力,涉及語言、技能和話題。如:首段的地道語言When it comes to, definitely choose, adds a brilliant touch to 和精湛的表達技能

30、運用復合句,即第一段為完整的一個句子,以及準確把握話題描述一件令人感到開心的事。2、彰顯文化能力。文化能力指跨文化交際的能力,包括文化知識、文化行為和文化意識。本篇短文的英語表達能支撐語言思維,體現(xiàn)在語言得體、有效、理性等,如第二段的語言運用art festival approached, trouble came one after another, mistakes, arguments and conflicts,以及However, strong minds brought us together and made us more determined to reach在文化意識上所體

31、現(xiàn)出的價值觀和包容態(tài)度。3、體現(xiàn)了多維思維方式。思維方式是文化的本質內涵,具體分反思性思維、批判性思維和創(chuàng)造性思維。反思性思維重點在于自我反省;批判性思維在于客觀評估;創(chuàng)造性思維在于創(chuàng)新意識。如最后一段In fact, its more than a performance. Its a dream of four girls. It will always impress本篇作文對中學生的寫作啟示是:語言、文化、思維是相互依存、相互關聯(lián)的整體,寫作時應關注這三個維度。習作八:My educational trip to Hawaii has left a deep impression on

32、 me. During last winter vacation, I flew to Hawaii and stayed with my host family for a week. I really had the time of my life there. What impressed me most was making cookies. With my host mums help, I mixed flour, butter, sugar and milk powder together and baked according to the cookbook. Those co

33、okies were served as desserts the other day. I was so proud when everyone enjoyed my “work.”Ever since then, I have been keen on trying new things. I am easily getting afraid of failure, however, a little step can ease me and, after I finished a single step, I had a sense of achievements which encou

34、raged me to start the next one. Life is made up of small paces, too. Whenever the trouble comes, it reminds me of that cookie-making experience.綜合點評:首先,本文寫作思路清晰、內容充實、結構完整。本文根據(jù)寫作提示描述了一件令他/她感到開心的事情,夏威夷之旅軼事在主人家做甜餅。文中不僅簡要描述了制作甜餅的過程,以及大家喜歡甜餅給作者帶來的愉悅和自豪心情,而且還詳細介紹了此事對他/她生活的態(tài)度產(chǎn)生的積極影響。其次,語言表達準確,但詞語和結構卻并不復雜。如

35、:開篇首句中的has left a deep impression on me. 第二段中的Those cookies were served as desserts the next day, I was soproud when everyone enjoyed my “work.”第三段中的 I had a sense of achievements 和 whenever the trouble comes, it reminds me of that cookie-making experience. 習作九： The first time to beach is something

36、made me feel quite excited and unforgettable. Although Im definitely a Shanghainese, I dont think Ive been to the real golden beach and the great blue sea until last summer, in Qingdao. For the very first time, I touched the smooth sand and took a close view of the sea. Things there appealed to me s

37、o much that I thought how gorgeous it would be for a person to live by, with the refreshing, salty smell of sea water. I stayed there for quite a long while, watching diamonds of water drops skipping on the surface, wandering around at the beach. When facing the endless sea horizon, I felt we human,

38、 are just a tiny part of this fantastic planet. We cant say that were the greatest creatures, but respect all the creatures around us equally. 綜合點評： 盡管開篇首句有基礎語法錯誤， 但本文仍是一片佳作。 本文能緊緊圍繞語用目的 “描 述一件令你感到開心的事” ，描述了令他/她激動和難忘的青島海濱之旅。對旅行的場景和過 程的描寫細致入微，如：the real golden beach and he great blue sea, touched the

39、 sand and took a close view of the sea. 之后， 作者觸景生情， 浮想聯(lián)翩， 如： Things there appeared to me so much that I thought how gorgeous it would be for a person to live by, with the refreshing, salty smell of sea water最后， 作者由衷地發(fā)出感嘆： When facing the endless sea, I felt we human beings are just a tiny part of th

40、is fantastic planet,并呼吁大家要關愛生命（respect all the creatures around us equally） 。文章雖短，但是體現(xiàn)了作者對生活的熱愛，對生命的關愛，所以其思想內涵較為 豐富。通過上述簡析不難看出，本文頗具散文的韻味。 本篇作文對中學生的寫作啟示為：只有通過有效閱讀才能用英語表達自己的觀點和想 法，才能寫出有文采、得體的文章。 習作十： An embarrassing experience The most embarrassing thing of me happened in an English demonstration clas

41、s, which took place in a grand hall, where hundreds of teaching specialists and teachers gathered to watch. That was during my voice-changing period, and my voice was always heard in an unconfident and odd way. My teacher certainly didnt realize that, in face, he seemed fix-minded in asking me quest

42、ions, either short responses, or long opinion talking. My voice was founded awkward, and somehow I heard the laughing and whispering from teachers. I wished that I could be invisible, and vanish at once. But all I could do is to control my voice, although that didnt work. I was truly embarrassed as

43、well as having butterflies in my stomach. Years passed, when I thought about the embarrassing bygone. I assumed that things are as they are, dont shed over the, dont be embarrassed facing them! 綜合點評： 這篇文章行文流暢、結構清晰，詳略得當。從一個參與公開課學生的角度，讓我們關 注到了一個在公開課上常被大家忽視的方面：學生內心的感受。文章心理描寫細膩動情，過 程具體真實。通過 invisible 和 vanish 等詞讓我們浮想當時的情景。能從細節(jié)著手，有聽課 老師的聲