英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)及翻譯

1、英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)及翻譯Distance from the accidentA carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six and one half inches"."What? How come you are so sure of that distance?", as

2、ked the judge."Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.距事故的距離一個(gè)木匠為一個(gè)目擊的事故做證詞.法官問(wèn)他與事故發(fā)生地方的距離有多遠(yuǎn).這個(gè)木匠回答道:"27英尺6.5英寸遠(yuǎn).""什么?你怎么對(duì)這個(gè)距離如此肯定?"這個(gè)法官問(wèn)道."噢,我知道有些白癡會(huì)問(wèn)我,所以我測(cè)量了一下."這個(gè)木匠回答道.稱(chēng)重An irritated woman burst into the baker's

3、shop and said:"I sent my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales."The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied:"Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your son."一個(gè)女人怒氣沖沖的闖進(jìn)面

4、包店，說(shuō)：“今早上我讓我兒子買(mǎi)了2磅的餅干，但是當(dāng)我稱(chēng)它們的時(shí)候卻只有一磅了。我覺(jué)得你的稱(chēng)有問(wèn)題”。面包師鎮(zhèn)定的看了看女人，說(shuō)：“女士，我覺(jué)得您該回去稱(chēng)一稱(chēng)您的兒子”Trouble you again A robust-lookinggentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, &quo

5、t;how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?""I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter."Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid

6、I'll have to trouble you again."再次麻煩你 一個(gè)看起來(lái)很健壯的紳士在一個(gè)很貴的餐廳吃完精致的早餐并且喝了一些拿破侖白蘭地。然后他叫來(lái)服務(wù)生領(lǐng)班，“你還記得嗎？”他愉快的說(shuō)道，“大概一年以前，我在這里像這樣就餐，然后因?yàn)槲腋恫黄饚?，你把我想乞丐一樣扔進(jìn)排水溝里” “非常抱歉先生”后悔的服務(wù)生領(lǐng)班說(shuō)道。 “噢，那非常不錯(cuò)”這個(gè)客人道，“但是 我恐怕還得再麻煩你一次?！痹~匯：1、gutter n.排水溝，臭水溝；2、bum n. 二流子，乞丐；3、headwaiter n.領(lǐng)班丈夫和妻子Wife: You tell a man something,

7、it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.Husband: You tell a woman something. It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.妻子：你給男人說(shuō)點(diǎn)事，他左耳朵進(jìn)，右耳朵出。(轉(zhuǎn)身就給忘了)丈夫：你給女人說(shuō)點(diǎn)事，她兩個(gè)耳朵都聽(tīng)進(jìn)去了，可是從嘴里出來(lái)了。 你吹牛吧！The little John taught his parrot to speak "follow me to say that I can walk.""I can wa

8、lk." said the parrot following."I can speak.""I can speak." The parrot simulatedas almost the same as he did."I can fly." "You talk big." The parrot said without thinking for a while.You talk big小約翰教他的鸚鵡說(shuō)話(huà)“跟我說(shuō)，我會(huì)走路.""我會(huì)走路”鸚鵡跟著說(shuō)?！拔視?huì)說(shuō)話(huà)?！薄拔視?huì)說(shuō)話(huà)?！丙W鵡模

9、仿的和他說(shuō)的幾乎一模一樣?！拔視?huì)飛?！薄澳愦蹬０?。”鸚鵡不假思索地說(shuō)。相關(guān)詞匯解析：1.parrot n.鸚鵡；2.simulate vt.模仿 Five years experience and imaginationSeveral weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office."What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for

10、 the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.""Well," the young man said, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."5年經(jīng)驗(yàn)和豐富想像力只上了幾周班的年輕人被叫到了人事主管的辦公室。“這是什么意思？”主管問(wèn)到“你應(yīng)聘這從份工作的時(shí)候，你告訴我們，你

11、有五年的經(jīng)驗(yàn)?，F(xiàn)在我們確發(fā)現(xiàn)，這是你的第一份工作?！薄笆堑摹薄Ｄ贻p人說(shuō)，“你在應(yīng)聘廣告中說(shuō)到，你想要的是一個(gè)有想像力的員工呀！”P(pán)roposalAn enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal."Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend."Your chances ar

12、e better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."求婚一位非常富有的男人在他65歲的愛(ài)上了一位20歲的年輕女孩，他打算向她求婚?！澳阏J(rèn)為如果我告訴她我現(xiàn)在45歲她會(huì)答應(yīng)嫁給我嗎？”他問(wèn)他的一個(gè)朋友。 他的朋友回答：“如果你告訴她你現(xiàn)在90歲的話(huà)，你成功的機(jī)率會(huì)更大。”相關(guān)詞匯解析：1.proposal n.求婚；（還有建議，提案等，之前有學(xué)過(guò)了，大家還記得嗎？） 2.enormouslyadj.巨大的，龐大的； .contemplate vt. 預(yù)期，計(jì)劃We Left NothingMrs B

13、rown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door:NOBODY HOME. DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING.When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:THANKS! WE HA

14、VEN'T LEFT ANYTHING!We Left Nothing布朗太太這天出門(mén)，走之前在門(mén)上訂了個(gè)便條給送奶工：屋里沒(méi)人，什么都不用留。晚上當(dāng)她回家的時(shí)候，她發(fā)現(xiàn)她的門(mén)已經(jīng)被砸開(kāi)，屋子被洗劫一空。在她留的便條上，她發(fā)現(xiàn)被加一行留言：謝謝！我們什么都沒(méi)留下！遲了四十年An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggeredoff the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman."Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house.""Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy as