高中英語新高考-英語作文批改的重點：邏輯和地道(兩篇學生作文批改的展示)

1、 高中英語新高考-英語作文批改的重點：邏輯和地道（兩篇學生作文批改的展示）【作文展示一】（加 As, 首先保證語法正確）we can see from the diagram, we have 28000 sharedcars in 2016, 42000 in 2017, andthe number is expected to increase rapidly inthe following years. （圖表描述非常簡潔，完全符合目標。）Car-sharing, in my opinion, will benefit us in many ways. Firstly , it s ve

2、ry convenient, （ because, 兩個句子之間需要有連接詞）you just open a car-sharingapp, pay for a ride, go to the nearest parking lot and then you can getinto acar and go anywhere you want （這么多動詞在一起，不是太好，改為：with just acar-sharing app to pay for your ride, you can go wherever you like） .Secondly ,car- sharing means a

3、n （加一個extra ） alternative for those who have shortageof cars （不存在這個詞塊，直接用 without cars 即可 ）, thus （這是副詞，但可以改為so） ,they will （ 加 no） longer worry about their long-distance and direct travels. Thirdly , car-sharing means less cars used, less pollution produced and less energy wasted, which is environm

4、ent-friendly.（這個排比蠻不 錯 的 ， 但 是 感 覺 有 點 頭 重 腳 輕 ， 不 如 改 為 ： car-sharing is undoubted environment-friendly, which means less cars used, less pollution produced and less energy wasted. ）To promotecar-sharing s development,we should make shared cars“ accessible “ （which means they are affordable and eas

5、y to get to use） instead of a sort of “ luxury ” （這個句子已經(jīng)很好了，如果考慮到修辭效果，例如 instead of 后是名詞，前面如果對稱的話，可以這樣：wed better make shared carsa basic affordable necessity instead of a sort of luxury）,and （這個最好另起一句，因為長句太長讓人讀起來不舒服，改為Besides,） laws and regulations related tocar-sharing should be （綜合后面的原因句，應(yīng)該是先確立，加

6、一個drawn up assoon as possible and） taken seriously because car-sharing is a very new concept and people should （ 加一個 be allowed time to） learn to use it properly.（最后一段也很優(yōu)秀，長句不顯得拼湊，主要得力于地道的詞塊）得分： 19 分優(yōu)點：語法基礎(chǔ)很扎實，詞塊積累都很好，而且使用這些詞塊絲毫不顯得局促，有地道之美。更值得稱贊的是，你具備了比較良好的英語寫作思維，即：主題句+ 支撐句，邏輯得當。具體說就是：第一個論點：convenie

7、nt 。作者并沒有一句話結(jié)束，而是具體解釋在哪里方便；第二個論點：an alternative 。 作者然后繼續(xù)寫共享汽車帶來的另外的選擇的結(jié)果是什么；第三個論點：environment-friendly 。作者用了排比手法來解釋原因，讓人佩服。失分就是比較低級的語法錯誤很顯眼，還有有些句子太長了，要學會簡潔，使用介詞短語就是不錯的途徑?！咀魑恼故径縲hich_ Qarn9roecficcfSj, because nanet ev.dr dreonk offeach/ng.out fullest potentiol Hovueer, w&卬which_ Qarn9roecficcfSj, b

8、ecause nanet ev.dr dreonk offeach/ng.out fullest potentiol Hovueer, w&卬g_talWay- Huw to母匕加吃生媽t. Ui? shoull rectch ft. thamah. tobu叁定持去贅智叫一-and.neer gixe up7dream in. Complete ttirnpstne* ? U/e a/1 uuant -to beJ,加 uinced -that ue are capable of qreat feasts, of一切ata E q power fu/ My dreo/n.is become

9、an oxcetiof economist.-that % .力emtjs attuinabJe as Jung 心 工 summit mysdf toJt,V-H&u/ ma/iy drenms have told us to catch thcttionE 料 q剛 jEflcnb dntamers nre . fKi .apntenf. wriha.* #這篇作文是模仿美文來寫的，因此讀者可以看出來，句式比較優(yōu)美。但是往往我們學生的問題就在這里：美則美矣，卻顯得實質(zhì)內(nèi)容不足。譬如本篇光知道寫漂亮的句子，忽略了邏輯得當，以及犯了意義重復的毛病。優(yōu)秀美文展示：People make happ

10、iness a priority in their life but in different ways. For example, many people believe that holding a high position in the government is happiness. But happiness for me means doing something meaningful with a deep sense of achievement and satisfaction in ourselves. It is not just a headlong charge t

11、owardswhatever makes us feelpleasure. Below are some simple yet specific steps you can take tocultivatehappiness.Being grateful for what you have and it can improve your outlook on life . Slow down and enjoy the scenery. Be spontaneous.Happiness is perching onyour windowsill, invite it in. If you ca

12、n grab every single morsel of happiness which comes your way, you will owna heart full of grace and asoul generated by love.Perform random acts of kindness, anonymous or not. Life is a reciprocalexchange . To move forward you have to give back.Happiness is contagious, so surroundyourself with positive,life-affirming people . They can help you channel your grief and pain intoanact of grace.Embrace change. Think big in the long run, but think small in the short run . It is adv