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續(xù)寫2017.6月浙江卷
Onabright,warmJulyafternoon,MacHollan,aprimaryschoolteacher,wascyclingfromhishometoAlaskawithhisfriends.Oneofhisfriendshadstoppedtomakeabicyclerepair,buttheyhadencouragedMactocarryon,andtheywouldcatchupwithhimsoon.AsMacpedaled(騎行)alongalone,hethoughtfondlyofhiswifeandtwoyoungdaughtersathome.Hehopedtoshowthemthisbeautifulplacesomeday.ThenMacheardquickandloudbreathingbehindhim.“Man,that'sabigdog!”hethought.Butwhenhelookedtotheside,hesawinstantlythatitwasn’tadogatall,butawolf,quicklycatchingupwithhim.2017.6月浙江卷
Mac’sheartjumped.Hefoundouthiscanofhearspray.Withonehandonthebars,hefiredthesprayatthewolf.Abrightredcloudenvelopedtheanimal,andtoMac'srelief,itfellback,shakingitshead.Butaminutelater,itwasbyhissideagain.ThenitattackedthebackofMac'sbike,tearingopenhistentbag.Hefiredatthewolfasecondtime,andagain,itfellbackonlytoquicklyrestartthechase(追趕)。Macwaspedalinghardnow.Hewavedandyelledatpassingcarsbutwascarefulnottoshowdown.Hesawasteepuphillclimbbeforehim.Heknewthatoncehehitthehill,he’dbeeasycaughtupandthewolf’steethwouldbetearingintohisflesh.2017.6月浙江卷
Atthismoment,PaulandBeekyweredrivingtheircarontheirwaytoAlaska.Theydidn’tthinkmuchofitwhentheysawtwocyclistsrepairingtheirbikeonthesideoftheroad.Abitlater,theyspottedwhatthey,too,assumedwasadogrunningalongsideamanonabike.Astheygotcloser,theyrealizedthatthedogwasawolf.Macheardalargevehiclebehindhim.Hepulledinfrontofitasthewolfwascatchingupfast,justadozenyardsawaynow.注意:1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段,每段的開頭語已為你寫好;Paragraph1Thecarabrubtlystoppedinfrontofhim.
Paragraph2Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.梳理故事情節(jié)
whoMacHollan,hisfriends,awolfwhenOnabright,warmJulyafternoonwhereFromhishometoAlaskawhatAwolfwascatchingupwithhimhowHefiredthesprayatthewolf首句的解讀
從兩段續(xù)寫的首句Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim和Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived中,我們可以推斷出∶第一段重點(diǎn)應(yīng)該放在Paul對(duì)Mac是否施以援手或如何救上。果第—段中Paul幫助了Mac,那么第二段的發(fā)展方向可能是Mac和后來趕到的朋友就剛發(fā)生的驚險(xiǎn)一刻的交流互動(dòng)或仍未完成的旅行展開;如果第一段中Paul并未出手相救,那么第二段可能會(huì)是來自friends°的幫助使Mac脫離險(xiǎn)境,或者另一種可能會(huì)是Mac雖未得到幫助但通過自身努力擺脫了險(xiǎn)境。Theothertwocyclists不應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)在第一段中。寫作思路
思路1Mac擋在車前,Paul也從剛才的所見所聞中意識(shí)到了Mac的危險(xiǎn)境遇,出于熱心對(duì)Mac伸出援手。Mac成功獲救,之后與朋友會(huì)合。思路2Paul雖然意識(shí)到了剛才自己見到的"狗"其實(shí)是"狼"",但考慮到自身的能力和安全并未施以援手,但Mac利用Paul出現(xiàn)的時(shí)機(jī)爭取到了時(shí)間和機(jī)會(huì),并想辦法撐到了朋友的到來,最后在他們的幫助下脫險(xiǎn)。寫作思路微技能之G-N策略
運(yùn)用Given-New策略,我們根據(jù)原文文本和首句(Giveninformation)提供的信息,采用圍繞中心詞和一些相關(guān)問題、回答問題(Newinformation)的方法,拓展我們的思路和角度,最終形成合理的故事情節(jié)線。從續(xù)寫第一段首句
我們可以設(shè)問:①DidPaulandBeckyofferhelp?②WhatdidPaulandBeckydotohelpMacout?③Howdidthewolfreact?④WasMacrescuedatlast?⑤HowdidMacfeel?第一段成段
Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.“Comeon,getinthecar,"shoutedPaul.Macjumpedofhisbicycleanddashedintothecarasthewolfwasabouttotearhisfleshintopieces.ThoughMacwassafe,hisheartbeatwildly,withhislegstrembling.第二段提問
根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段首句
我們可以這樣設(shè)問:①Aftertheirarrival,howdidtheyreact?②Weretheygratefultothelifesavers?③DidtheycontinuetheirbiketriptoAlaska?第二段成段
Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.TheywereshockedtofindthatMacwasjustlikeadrownedmouse.Andtheywereevenmoreshockedtolearnthathemetawolf.Afterashortrest,Macwasmuchbetter.SotheythankedPaulandBeckyanddecidedtocontinuetheirtriptoAlaska.微技能之準(zhǔn)確的動(dòng)作神態(tài)描寫:恐懼心理篇
讀后續(xù)寫的評(píng)分原則之一是“內(nèi)容的豐富性”。所謂“內(nèi)容的豐富性”,就是要求續(xù)寫部分詳細(xì)、生動(dòng)地描述情景、態(tài)度和感情等。上面這一段文字情節(jié)完整,但是存在著字?jǐn)?shù)不足、信息量不夠、表達(dá)干癟的缺點(diǎn),無法準(zhǔn)確傳達(dá)故事類文章的情感因素。我們?cè)诿鑼懬楦械淖兓瘯r(shí),關(guān)注名詞、動(dòng)詞、形容詞、副詞等在文本和續(xù)寫作文中的使用,還可以通過面部
表情、體態(tài)語言、虛擬語氣、直接引語和修辭手法等體
現(xiàn)心理。微技能之準(zhǔn)確的動(dòng)作神態(tài)描寫:恐懼篇
一.詞的積累動(dòng)詞fear,scare,dread,shock形容詞afraid,scared,dreadful,frightened,frightful名詞fear,scare,dread副詞alone,fondly,instantly,quickly,hard微技能之準(zhǔn)確的動(dòng)作神態(tài)描寫:恐懼篇
二.詞塊和句的積累1.Asnakecameoutofthebrushwoodandscaredmetodeath.2.Theexplosionreallyfrightenedthepantsoffme.3.Thathorrormoviemademyhairstandonend.4.Iwasscaredstiff/silly.5.MyheartstoodstillwhenIsawthelittlebabywastofallfromthesecondfloor.微技能之準(zhǔn)確的動(dòng)作神態(tài)描寫:恐懼篇
二.詞塊和句的積累6.Lastnight,Idreamedaboutbeingchasedbyanangrydog.Ireallyhadmyheartinmymouth.7.Thatloudnoisescaredmeoutofmywits.8.Afloodoffearwelledupinhim.9.SallysaidIshouldtryBungee,butIhadcoldfeet.10.Sheshookallover,feelinglikesittingonpinsandneedles.牛刀小試
①Failingtogettheprey,thedisappointedwolfleft,______.(運(yùn)用連動(dòng)句句型)②Failingtogettheprey,thedisappointedwolfleft,______.(運(yùn)用非謂語動(dòng)詞結(jié)構(gòu))2.一想到那只狼的血盆大口,Mac幾乎嚇暈過去。①M(fèi)acwasnearlydeadwithfright_______.(運(yùn)用時(shí)間狀語從句)②,Macwasnearlydeadwithfright.(運(yùn)用非謂語動(dòng)詞結(jié)構(gòu))牛刀小試
3.這只狼怒火中燒,開始咆哮并用爪子猛烈地拍擊車窗。①______thatitroaredandsmackedthewindowviolently.(運(yùn)用so?that..句型)②______,thatitroaredandsmackedthewindowviolently.(運(yùn)用倒裝結(jié)構(gòu))4.過了很長時(shí)間這只狼才意識(shí)到想要抓到Mac是不可能的。Itwasquiteawhilebeforethewolfrealized______.(運(yùn)用賓語從句)牛刀小試
5.他們驚訝地發(fā)現(xiàn)Mac的自行車橫躺在路上,而Mac看上去也是一副狼狽模樣。①Theyweresurprisedtofind________andMacwaslikeadrownedmouse.(運(yùn)用賓語從句)②Theyweresurprisedtofind____________andMacwaslikeadrownedmouse.(運(yùn)用非謂語動(dòng)詞結(jié)構(gòu))6.是的,如果沒有他們的及時(shí)幫助,我早已經(jīng)是狼的盤中餐了。①Yes,_______,I__________thefoodofthewolf.(運(yùn)用if引導(dǎo)的虛擬語氣)②Yes,_______,I__________thefoodofthewolf.(運(yùn)用隱含條件的虛擬語氣)牛刀小試
7.漆黑的雨夜,風(fēng)雨交加,電閃雷鳴,我全然被這種力量鎮(zhèn)住了。Thedark,rainyevening,thewind,thethunderingclouds________________.(運(yùn)用擬人的修辭手法)8.①仿佛世界末日來了。Itseemedasif________________.(運(yùn)用asif的非虛擬用法)②他看上去命不久矣。Itseemed________________.(運(yùn)用asif的非虛擬用法進(jìn)行仿寫)9.你無法想象狼向我逼近時(shí)我是多么的恐懼。①Youcannotimagine________________,(運(yùn)用how引導(dǎo)的賓語從句,approach作名詞)②Youcannotimagine________________.(運(yùn)用how引導(dǎo)的賓語從句,approach作動(dòng)詞)牛刀小試
10.雖然被嚇了個(gè)半死,Mac還是掙扎著爬起來用盡全力把他的自行車朝狼扔去。①________________,Macstruggledtocrawlupandthrewhisbicycleatthewolfwithallhisstrength.(運(yùn)用分詞作狀語)②________________,Macstruggledtocrawlupandthrewhisbicycleatthewolfwithallhisstrength.(運(yùn)用倒裝句)參考范文1
Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim."Comeon,getinthecarquickly!”Paulyelled.Withoutanyhesitation,Macjumpedoffhisbicycleanddashedtothebackdoorofthecar.Itwaslocked!Thinkingofthewolf'sbloodymouth,Macwasnearlydeadwithfright.Hecouldevenimaginethewolf'steethtearingintohisflesh.Justatthatmoment,thedoorwasunlockedbyBeckyandthefrightenedmandivedin,shuttingthedoorjustbeforethewolfpouncedonhim.Soangrywasthewolfthatitkeptroaringandsmackingthewindowviolently.Luckily,thecarwasstrongenoughtoprotectthem.Afterquiteawhile,realizingwhateverhedidwasinvainandthatitwasimpossibletocatchMac,thedisappointedwolfleft,disappearingintothewoodseventually.Macsatinthecar,hisheartstillflutteringwithfear.
Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.TheyweresurprisedtofindMac‘sbicyclelyingontheroad,histentbagtornandMacjustlikeadrownedmouse.“Mac,whatonearthhashappened?””Iwasalmostkilledbyawolf!”WhentoldaboutMac’sthrillingexperience,theycouldn‘thelpcryingout,“Whatanarrowescape!””Yes,withouttheirtimelyhelp,I’dhaveendedupinthewolf‘sstomach!“Mac’sfriendswerealsogratefultoPaulandBecky.Afraidthattheremightbemorepotentialdangersahead,PaulandBeckyofferedtodrivethemtoAlaska.Wouldtheyenjoytherestofthejourney?OnlyMaccouldtell.參考范文2
Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.PaulshoutedatMac”Getinthecarquickly!”Withoutthinkingtwice,Macpedaledtowardsthecarasfastashecould.Fiveyards,fouryards,threeyards..Maccouldfeelthethumpingofhisheartagainsthischestandsweatdrenchhisclothes.SuddenlythebicyclewastrippedandMacthrewhimselfdownonthegroundheavily.ThewolfcaughtupanditsmurderouslookandbloodymouthseemedtotellMac‘sfate.Scaredtodeathashewas,Macstruggledtocrawlupandthrewhisbicycleatthewolfwithallhisstrength.Meanwhile,Paultriedhonking
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