新高考讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)高分素材-微技能之細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)

新高考讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)高分素材--微技能之細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)新高考讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)高分素材--微技能之細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)60/60PAGE60新高考讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)高分素材--微技能之細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)新高考讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)高分素材--微技能之細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)新高考讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)高分素材--微技能之細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)微技能之細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)1高考中續(xù)寫(xiě)的文體主要為記敘文。顧名思義，記敘文主要以記敘事件為主，因此需要用到許多的細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)以使文章生動(dòng)，言之有物。不少學(xué)生語(yǔ)言功底不錯(cuò)，但是續(xù)寫(xiě)始終得不了高分，其中一個(gè)原因可能就是細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)的缺乏。那么，續(xù)寫(xiě)該如何寫(xiě)呢？我們應(yīng)該做到兼顧概括描述和細(xì)節(jié)描述，而且要多用細(xì)節(jié)描述。所謂概括描述是指對(duì)一個(gè)事件的總體描述，而細(xì)節(jié)描述則是對(duì)事件的具體描述，來(lái)對(duì)之前的總體描述進(jìn)一步解釋說(shuō)明，這樣能夠使得描述更加生動(dòng)，有畫(huà)面感。

舉例：如表達(dá)一個(gè)人的疲累時(shí)，可用概括描述：shefeltexhausted.同時(shí)輔以細(xì)節(jié)描述Shefeltexhaustedandsatbythestream,restingherachingfeet.如果大家注意這些細(xì)節(jié)的描述，一定會(huì)為你的記敘文續(xù)寫(xiě)增色！“感到害怕”的細(xì)節(jié)描述當(dāng)看到那只兇惡的狼時(shí)，我感到很害怕。1、大家可以先嘗試用概括描述，先將意思表達(dá)清楚。

______________________________________2、請(qǐng)你在此概括描述的基礎(chǔ)上增加細(xì)節(jié)描述，注意邏輯關(guān)系以及語(yǔ)意的合理。

1）_______________________________________2）_______________________________________3）_______________________________________

參考答案：1.Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Ifeltveryscared.2.

1）Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,Ifeltsoscaredthat

mythroattightenedandmykneesfelt

weak.

(嗓子發(fā)緊，膝蓋發(fā)軟)2）Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,I

frozewithterror,tooscaredtomoveaninch.(嚇呆了，不敢動(dòng)彈)3）Atthesightoftheferociouswolf,I

wasseizedbyastrongsenseofhorrorandmypalmsweresweating.

(被深深地恐懼感所控制，手心出汗)

表感到興奮thrilled當(dāng)主持人宣布她獲獎(jiǎng)時(shí)，她興奮極了。1、大家可以先嘗試用概括描述，先將意思表達(dá)清楚。

_____________________________________2、請(qǐng)你在此概括描述的基礎(chǔ)上增加細(xì)節(jié)描述，注意邏輯關(guān)系以及語(yǔ)意的合理。1）_______________________________________2）_______________________________________3）_______________________________________

參考答案：1.Whenthehostannouncedthatshewontheprize,shefeltthrilled.2.

1)Whenthehostannouncedthatshewontheprize,

hereyestwinkledwithexcitement.（激動(dòng)得兩眼放光）2)Whenthehostannouncedthatshewontheprize,

herheartwasthumpingwithexcitement.

(激動(dòng)得心砰砰跳)3)Whenthehostannouncedthatshewontheprize,

awideexcitementtookholdofher.

(興奮不能自已)感到悲傷”的細(xì)節(jié)描述一聽(tīng)到那個(gè)壞消息，她悲傷不已。1、大家可以先嘗試用概括描述，先將意思表達(dá)清楚。

_____________________________________2、請(qǐng)你在此概括描述的基礎(chǔ)上增加細(xì)節(jié)描述，注意邏輯關(guān)系以及語(yǔ)意的合理。

1）_______________________________________2）_______________________________________3）_______________________________________

參考答案：1.

Uponhearingthebadnews,shefeltextremelysad.2.

1）Uponhearingthebadnews,

herheartached,tearsstreamingdownhercheeks.

(心痛，眼淚直流)2）Uponhearingthebadnews,she,

numbwithgrief,hadtroublespeaking.

(悲傷到失去知覺(jué)，不能開(kāi)口說(shuō)話)3）Uponhearingthebadnews,she

feltseizedbyaburstofsadness

andcouldn’thelpcryingbitterly.(被一股悲傷之感控制，忍不住哭泣)“感到開(kāi)心”的細(xì)節(jié)描述當(dāng)媽媽親吻他時(shí)，小baby開(kāi)心極了。1、大家可以先嘗試用概括描述，先將意思表達(dá)清楚。

______________________________________2、請(qǐng)你在此概括描述的基礎(chǔ)上增加細(xì)節(jié)描述，注意邏輯關(guān)系以及語(yǔ)意的合理。1）_______________________________________2）_______________________________________3）_______________________________________

參考答案：1.Whenhismotherkissedhimonthecheek,thebabywashappy/delighted/fullofjoy.2.1)

Whenhismotherkissedhimonthecheek,itseemedasifthebaby

wereontopoftheworld.

(非常開(kāi)心)

2)

Whenthemotherkissedthebabyonthecheek,

hisface

beamedandhisbrightsmilelituptheroom.

(眉開(kāi)眼笑；笑容照亮房間)

3)

Whenthemotherkissedthebabyonthecheek,

hiseyesdancedwithjoyandsweetness.

(歡欣雀躍)"感到羞愧"的細(xì)節(jié)描述她感到非常羞愧。1、大家可以先嘗試用概括描述，先將意思表達(dá)清楚。___________________________________________________________________________(答案見(jiàn)底部Key1)2、請(qǐng)你在此概括描述的基礎(chǔ)上增加細(xì)節(jié)描述，注意邏輯關(guān)系以及語(yǔ)意的合理。1）_________________________________________________________________________2）_________________________________________________________________________3）_________________________________________________________________________(答案見(jiàn)底部Key2)參考答案：Key1:

Shefeltashamed.Key2:1)

Shefeltsoashamed

that

she

could

feel

her

faceburning.(臉上滾燙)2)

Soashamedwasshethatshecould

feel

thebloodrushto

her

face.

(血液涌上臉頰)3)

Soashameddidshefeelthatshe

wasclosetotears.

(快哭了)“感到生氣”的細(xì)節(jié)描述Sheldon感到非常生氣。1、大家可以先嘗試用概括描述，先將意思表達(dá)清楚。

______________________________________2、請(qǐng)你在此概括描述的基礎(chǔ)上增加細(xì)節(jié)描述，注意邏輯關(guān)系以及語(yǔ)意的合理。1）_______________________________________2）_______________________________________3）_______________________________________參考答案：Key1:Sheldonfeltveryangry.Key2:1)Sheldonfeltsoangrythathe

stormedoutoftheroom,slammingthedoorfuriouslybehindhim.

(沖出房間；狠狠摔門(mén))2)

Boilingwithrage,Sheldon

shookhisfistatme.3)

Filledwithfury,Sheldonwas

unableto

utterasingleword.

(充滿(mǎn)憤怒；說(shuō)不出話)“感到絕望”的細(xì)節(jié)描述Tony感到很絕望。1、大家可以先嘗試用概括描述，先將意思表達(dá)清楚。

______________________________________2、請(qǐng)你在此概括描述的基礎(chǔ)上增加細(xì)節(jié)描述，注意邏輯關(guān)系以及語(yǔ)意的合理。1）_______________________________________2）_______________________________________3）_______________________________________參考答案：Key1:Tonyfelthopeless/desperate.Key2:1)

Astheresultofanaccident,

Tony

wassuddenlythrowninto

aworldofdarknessandsankintohopelessness.

(被投入黑暗之中；陷入絕望)2)

Tony

feltleftout

andwasgettingdesperatewithloneliness.

(感覺(jué)被遺忘、忽視)3)Tony'sbeliefsinlookingforwardandseeingthepositiveineverything

deserted

him.

“人的行走之態(tài)”細(xì)節(jié)描述1、踉踉蹌蹌

________________________________________2、悄悄地走_(dá)_______________________________________3、猛沖________________________________________(答案見(jiàn)底部)Keys:

1.

Theplayerlosthisbalance,

staggeredback

and

toppledover.

這個(gè)運(yùn)動(dòng)員失去了平衡，向后趔趄摔倒了。2.

She

slipped

outofbedand

tiptoed

tothewindow.她溜下床，踮起腳尖走向窗戶(hù)。3.

Theminion

madearushforthedoor

andescapedfromthescene.小黃人向門(mén)沖去，逃離了現(xiàn)場(chǎng)。人的說(shuō)話方式”細(xì)節(jié)描述說(shuō)話的方式多種多樣，如果都用talk就顯得索然無(wú)味，也不夠準(zhǔn)確，所以要多積累各種各樣的表達(dá)。1、說(shuō)長(zhǎng)道短；八卦

________________________________________2、小聲咕噥________________________________________3、嚎叫________________________________________(答案見(jiàn)底部)Keys:1.

Thewholecompanyis

gossipingabout

thereasonforhisdismissal.

整個(gè)公司都在談?wù)撍幻饴毜脑颉?.

He

murmuredagainst

thestrictrulesoftherealityshow.

他私下低聲抱怨真人秀的嚴(yán)苛規(guī)則。3.

Treatedsounfairly,she

howledinpainandanger.

被如此不公正地對(duì)待，她痛苦而又憤怒的嚎叫。細(xì)節(jié)描述之“思考”如何表達(dá)一個(gè)人暗自思索時(shí)的樣子對(duì)學(xué)生來(lái)說(shuō)是很困難的，大多數(shù)情況下，學(xué)生往往會(huì)選擇避開(kāi)，但是，人無(wú)時(shí)無(wú)刻不在思考，強(qiáng)行避開(kāi)會(huì)使得故事內(nèi)容上有些不銜接。所以，今天我們就一起來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)一下如何表達(dá)一個(gè)人的思考神態(tài)。1.

得知問(wèn)題所在之后，他的大腦開(kāi)始急速運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)，想要想出一個(gè)好的解決方案。________________________________________________2.獨(dú)自一人時(shí)，他總是會(huì)想到那可怕的經(jīng)歷。________________________________________________3.

在他洗澡時(shí)，突然想到了一個(gè)好主意。________________________________________________(答案見(jiàn)底部)Keys:1.

Afterheknewwhattheproblemwas,

hismindbegantorace,tryingtothinkofagoodsolution.(大腦飛速運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn))2.

Whenleftalone,hewouldalways

behauntedby

thathorribleexperience.([不好的回憶](méi)縈繞心頭揮之不去)3.

Whenhewastakingashower,abrilliantideasuddenly

crossedhismind.(突然閃過(guò)某人的腦海)細(xì)節(jié)描述之“describeapeacefulscene”今天，我們來(lái)看看該如何描述安靜祥和的場(chǎng)景。1.

享受陽(yáng)光__________________________________________2.山間有小屋和田地__________________________________________3.

入暮時(shí)分，蘆葦隨風(fēng)飄揚(yáng)__________________________________________(答案見(jiàn)底部)Keys:1.

WhenI

wasbathedin

thesunlight,itfeltlike

theamber-likesunshinewaskissingeveryinchofmyskin.(沐浴在陽(yáng)光下；琥珀色的陽(yáng)光親吻著全身的肌膚)2.Mist-coveredmountains

weredottedwith

smallfarmsandvillages.(點(diǎn)綴著)3.

Thesoundofmyfootstepswasaccompaniedonlyby

thegracefullywavingreeds.

(優(yōu)雅地隨風(fēng)飄揚(yáng)的蘆葦)細(xì)節(jié)描述之“describestormyweather”今天，我們來(lái)看看該如何描述風(fēng)雨交加的天氣。1.

烏云密布__________________________________________2.勁風(fēng)惡浪肆虐__________________________________________3.

暴雨疾風(fēng)__________________________________________(答案見(jiàn)底部)Keys:1.

Theskyis

overcast,

darkenedwithgloomyclouds.(烏云密布；黑云壓頂)2.Onthatdarkandstormynight,

thewaves

were

crashingandthewindswerehowling.

(海浪肆意拍打；勁風(fēng)咆哮)3.

Therain

came

pouringdown,thestreamsrose,andthewindsblewand

beatagainst

thehouse.(暴風(fēng)驟雨)

讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)對(duì)話中的常見(jiàn)誤區(qū)1

廢話連篇，無(wú)助推動(dòng)情節(jié)發(fā)展，刻畫(huà)人物性格?！癏ey,howareyou?”“I’mfine,howareyou?”“Howistheweather?”“Terrific!Nicedayforawalk,isn’tit?”評(píng)析：這樣的對(duì)話在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中很真實(shí)，但是小說(shuō)畢竟是藝術(shù)加工，無(wú)助情節(jié)推動(dòng)的，不能刻畫(huà)人物性格的日常寒暄和偏離文章主線的對(duì)話絕對(duì)不用。2追求花哨，過(guò)度使用對(duì)話標(biāo)簽dialoguetags“Thatisfantasticnews,”hesaidhappily.評(píng)析：此句中完全沒(méi)有必要加上一個(gè)happily來(lái)表達(dá)說(shuō)的方式，因?yàn)榫渲械膄antastic一詞足以說(shuō)明說(shuō)話人了表情，過(guò)度強(qiáng)調(diào)dialoguetags

會(huì)讓讀者的注意力集中在“說(shuō)話的方式”而不是“說(shuō)話的內(nèi)容”。建議改為：“Thatisfantasticnews！”hesaid/screamed/exclaimed.(一個(gè)感嘆號(hào)和一個(gè)fantastic已經(jīng)足以讓讀者想象當(dāng)時(shí)的情景。適當(dāng)?shù)摹八囆g(shù)留白”也是需要的，這樣會(huì)留給讀者想象的空間。還有一種避免過(guò)度的dialoguetags的方法是運(yùn)用“動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)”來(lái)取而代之。如：Hereyesreflectedthecandlelightasshesmiledatherson.“Everyoneisunique.Justfollowyourheartandbeyourself!”3

用詞不當(dāng)，錯(cuò)誤使用對(duì)話標(biāo)簽dialoguetags"Ican'tbelieveit,"Emmagasped."That'shilarious,"Henrychuckled.評(píng)析：以上兩句話也是我在大量的學(xué)生習(xí)作甚至是范文中發(fā)現(xiàn)的。這里把動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)和dialoguetags

混淆了，試想誰(shuí)能gasp（喘息）、chuckle（輕笑）出一句話？除非他或她有特異功能。糾正方法如下："Ican'tbelieveit,"Emma

saidwithagasp.

（Questiontag+with介詞短語(yǔ)）Emmagasped.

"Ican'tbelieveit."

（動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)+句號(hào)）"Ican'tbelieveit."

Emmagasped.

（對(duì)話句斷+動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)）"That'shilarious!"

Henry

chuckled.

（感嘆句結(jié)束+動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)）"That'shilarious,"Henry

said,chuckling.

（Questiontag+

分詞做伴隨狀況）請(qǐng)?zhí)貏e關(guān)注以上對(duì)話的標(biāo)點(diǎn)。4

多此一舉，對(duì)話對(duì)象十分明確，仍使用對(duì)話標(biāo)簽“Itoldyoualready,”Isaid,glaring.評(píng)析：此句貌似豪華，其實(shí)對(duì)話中的主語(yǔ)“I”已經(jīng)清晰地說(shuō)明了說(shuō)話者，完全沒(méi)有必要用questiontag“Isaid”

來(lái)說(shuō)明說(shuō)話對(duì)象。糾正方法：加上一點(diǎn)動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)就可以避免這種錯(cuò)誤，并且提升語(yǔ)言的生動(dòng)性。Iglaredathim.

“Itoldyoualready.”5頻用副詞，詞匯貧乏只會(huì)tell不會(huì)show“Howcanyoudothis？”shesaidangrily，lookingatmefuriously.評(píng)析：此句也是貌似“高大上”，使用了大量副詞，并且套用了分詞做伴隨的句型。任何方面都有度，過(guò)之而不及。過(guò)度堆砌辭藻會(huì)讓人生厭，過(guò)度使用副詞也會(huì)讓閱卷老師覺(jué)得你詞匯貧乏，非得用副詞才能表達(dá)出來(lái)。2大糾正辦法：1）積累相關(guān)的

show

的詞匯來(lái)避免過(guò)度使用副詞2）穿插動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)輔助對(duì)話，刻畫(huà)人物心情試比較以下兩句：“That’snotwhatyousaidyesterday,”

shesaid,hervoiceimplyingshewaswithdrawing.“That’snotwhatyousaidyesterday.”

Shehesitated,turnedandwalkedtothewindow.評(píng)析：兩句話粗看都是相當(dāng)不錯(cuò)。無(wú)論從詞匯和語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)的使用似乎都屬于上乘之作。但細(xì)細(xì)琢磨下面這句反而更高一籌。原因是，第一句用了imply

和withdraw

兩詞來(lái)tell說(shuō)話者she的心情，而第二句hesitate

和后面的動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)讓她的猶豫心情躍然紙上。小說(shuō)故事要的就是這種show的方式。分析對(duì)話實(shí)例，揭示對(duì)話秘訣Example1

原文內(nèi)容：作者爸爸在陽(yáng)臺(tái)種植康乃馨，悉心呵護(hù)，作者一家都非常喜歡這些花。爸媽再三強(qiáng)調(diào)不允許作者和他姐姐不能觸碰這些花。

Tooursurprise,Dadwasmadaboutit,yellingatus,“Don’tyouknowtouchingisnotallowed?Whatonearthhaveyoudone?”

賞析：反義疑問(wèn)句和onearth的使用加強(qiáng)了語(yǔ)氣，凸顯了父親的生氣。Example2

原文內(nèi)容：母親去世，哥哥外出。父女相約吃飯，引發(fā)了女兒對(duì)母親和哥哥的思念，父親讀懂了女兒內(nèi)心的想法，安慰女兒。母親在天堂一定希望他們過(guò)得快樂(lè)，現(xiàn)在他們需要做的就是珍惜身邊的人。

Seeingthis,myfatherlovinglyheldmyhands

andsaidtome,“Sweetheart,Ibelieve

yourmother

mustwantyoutolivehappily,sosaygoodbyetothepastandembracethepresent.YourbrotherandIwillalwaysbewithyou.”

賞析：情感類(lèi)的對(duì)話要求感人，觸及內(nèi)心，這點(diǎn)此對(duì)話做的不錯(cuò)。但是小編也要對(duì)此對(duì)話提出點(diǎn)意見(jiàn)1）文中的andsaidtome完全沒(méi)有必要，因?yàn)閷?duì)話對(duì)象非常清楚，肯定和我說(shuō)。2）yourmother顯得太疏遠(yuǎn)，親人間相互稱(chēng)呼用Mom即可，更顯真實(shí)，貼近生活。Example3

原文內(nèi)容：作者家突然停電，雖然弟弟覺(jué)得停電時(shí)間非常無(wú)聊，但是作者卻非常享受停電時(shí)間，享受“沒(méi)有現(xiàn)代電子科技帶來(lái)的干擾”的寧?kù)o片刻。

Bzzz!Thelightsreturn.“Yeah,nomorecandles!”Mymotheryells,pullingmeawayfrommyfantasy.

賞析：對(duì)話簡(jiǎn)潔自然，表達(dá)了說(shuō)話者恢復(fù)用電時(shí)候的興奮，對(duì)話外面的dialoguetag也很出色，分詞的使用既豐富了語(yǔ)言也推動(dòng)了情節(jié)的進(jìn)一步發(fā)展。Example4

原文內(nèi)容：主人公Jenny通過(guò)自身的勞動(dòng)獲得了心愛(ài)的項(xiàng)鏈，形影不離。父親每日給她講睡前故事。父親故意試探女兒，問(wèn)是否可以把項(xiàng)鏈給他。Jenny深?lèi)?ài)爸爸但不舍自己努力得來(lái)的項(xiàng)鏈。

Aweeklater,herfatheronceagainaskedJennyafterherstory.“Jenny,youloveme,don’tyou?Givemeyourpearls,okay?“Daddy,whymustyouaskforthepearls?”Jennyrefusedagain.

“NotonlydidIfinishallthosechores,butalsoIspentthedollarbillgivenformybirthdayjusttopayforit.”Theybothfellintosilence.Thenherfathersmiled，comfortingherwithawarmhug.“That’sokey,darling.Goodnight.”

Severaldayslater,whenJenny’sfathercameintoreadherastoryasusual,hewassurprisedtofindsomethingunderthestorybook,whichturnedouttobethenecklace.“Daddy,nowyoucanhaveit.”Jennyraisedherhead,“Youknow,Iloveyou.”Herfatherwasmovedbeyondwords.Slowly,hepulledsomethingoutofhispocket.Itwasaprettynecklacewithrealpearlsshining.“Themoreyouarewillingtogive,themoreyouarelikelytoreceive.That’stherealmeaningofsharingandgiving.”HerfatherhelpedJennyputonthenecklace.“Youknow,Iloveyou,littleone.”

賞析：此文運(yùn)用了大量的對(duì)話，主要是考慮到與前文的協(xié)同。大量的父女間的對(duì)話穿插一些旁白或動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)很好地刻畫(huà)了人物之間的沖突，細(xì)膩生動(dòng)地刻畫(huà)了人物心情。一般的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)不建議用太多的對(duì)話。適當(dāng)?shù)膶?duì)話可以打破單調(diào)，推動(dòng)情節(jié)，刻畫(huà)人物性格。對(duì)于此文中的對(duì)話，小編也想提出點(diǎn)個(gè)人的意見(jiàn)：1）“NotonlydidIfinishallthosechores,butalsoIspentthedollarbillgivenformybirthdayjusttopayforit.”此句似乎為了使用notonly…,butalso的倒裝句型而寫(xiě)對(duì)話，顯得很不自然。語(yǔ)句太長(zhǎng)反而不能表達(dá)小女孩當(dāng)時(shí)的生氣。建議改為:

“It’smine!Myefforts!”

反而顯得簡(jiǎn)潔自然，同樣達(dá)到了效果，符合人在生氣時(shí)候的說(shuō)話方式：短句！不完整句！2）還有一處標(biāo)點(diǎn)的使用也有誤。請(qǐng)看：Jennyraisedherhead,

此處的逗號(hào)要改為句號(hào)。只能作為動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)，而不是questiontag。Example5

原文內(nèi)容：

這是一個(gè)哲理故事，講述一位商人兒子去向智者尋找快樂(lè)秘訣。智者讓年輕人帶著兩湯勺油繞城一周不能將油灑落。智者待年輕人回來(lái)后問(wèn)他是否欣賞到城堡的美景，年輕人啞口無(wú)言。然后智者重新讓這年輕人帶著兩勺油繞城一周，結(jié)果……

“ButwherearethetwodropsofoilIgaveyou?”askedthewiseman.

Embarrassedagain,theyoungmanapologized,“Ihadforgottenthesptotally.Myonlyconcernwastheattractivesights.”“Butyouhavegotthehappiness.”Smiledthewiseman…

“ButwherearethetwodropsofoilIgaveyou?”askedthewiseman.

Heloweredhisheadandfoundthattherewasnothingleftinhisspoon,astonishedandembarrassed.Thenthewisemansmiledgenerously,

“Idon’tblameyou.Ijustwantyoutorealizethesecretofhappinessyourself.Now,couldyoutellmeaboutyourthoughts?”Theyoungmanthoughtforawhileandslowlyreplied,“thetruthofhappinessisholdingourdreamstightlybutneverfailingtowatchthebeautifulsceneryaroundus.”

賞析：此文的對(duì)話主要是用來(lái)揭示故事的寓意，通常出現(xiàn)在故事的末尾。這樣的對(duì)話一定要寫(xiě)出深度厚度，才能博得老師的高分。建議可以使用強(qiáng)調(diào)句。此文中也有一個(gè)標(biāo)點(diǎn)瑕疵。請(qǐng)看：Thenthewisemansmiledgenerously,

此句的逗號(hào)也要改為句號(hào)，作為動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)穿插其中，而不是questiontag。他山石可攻玉|這些“恐懼”情緒的表達(dá)你都用過(guò)嗎？一篇出自美國(guó)初中生的看圖說(shuō)話與2018年6月浙江英語(yǔ)高考“讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)”酷似！Writeashortstorybasedonthepicturesbelowinnotlessthan100words.Oneweekend,myparentsdecidedtobringmybrotherandItotherecreationaljungle.Wewereveryexcitedaswehadnotbeentherebefore.MybrotherandItalkedaboutallthebears,tigersandreindeerweweregoingtosee.Wereallythoughtthatarecreationaljunglewaslikeanyotherjungle.Whenwearrived,we

dashedintothejungle,wantingto

exploreitslengthandbreadth.We

obediently

followedourparentsatfirstbutfounditboring.Justthen,arabbitrushedout.I

screamed

indelight

andranafterit.Mybrotherfollowed

quicklybehind.Wekeptrunning,always

keeping

oureyeson

therabbit.Therabbitgottiredofrunninganddecidedtohideinits

burrow.Itwasonlythenthatwerealizedthatwedidnotknowwherewewere.Thetreeslookedunfamiliarandtherewerenomorejunglepathsforustofollow.Wewerescared

aswerealizedthatwewerelost.

Nightwasapproachingandthehootingoftheowl

sentshiversdownourspines.IbegantocryasIwasfeelingtired,hungryandsleepy.Mybrothercomfortedmebylettingmesleeponhislap.Isoonfellasleepdreamingofbearswaitingtoeatmeup.Suddenly,Iwokeup.Mybrotherwasshakingmeandtellingthemtogetup.Wecouldhearvoicescomingourway!We

shouted

withallourmight

thatwewerelost.Wesoonsaw

beamsoflight

fromcountlesstorches.Thenweheardourparents'voices.Weweresafe!MybrotherandIrantoourparentsand

embracedthem

emotionally.Weweresohappytoseethemagainthatwe

vowed

weneverwantedtobeseparatedfromthemeveragain.Notes：burrow:

aholeinthegrounddugbyananimalsuchasarabbit,especiallytoliveinsendshiversdownsb'sspines:

tomakesomeonefeelveryfrightenedvow:

tomakeadetermineddecisionStudy

thefollowingthefollowingexamples

andlearnhowtoshowone’s

fearExample1-Fear:

Midnight,andsomeonepoundedonthefrontdoor."Mom?Dad?"Wherewerethey?Themoviegotoutat11.Mollycrawledoutofbedandtiptoeddownstairs.Ashadowyfigureshowedthroughthefrostedglassinthefrontdoor.Fearnibbledathermakingherkneeswobble.

Mom'svoiceechoedinsideherhead."Remember,don'tanswerthedoorwhenwe'reaway."Mollycrouched,backpressedagainstthewall,mouthdry-as-dirt."Please,goaway,"herwordsachokedwhisper.KeyWords

-

pounded,crawled,tiptoed,shadowy,fearnibbled,wobble,echoed,crouched,pressed,dry-as-dirt,choked.Comments：1）例1中大量運(yùn)用了短句，戲劇性的短句能夠增強(qiáng)緊張感2）這些關(guān)鍵字大部分都是強(qiáng)有力且活躍動(dòng)詞。3）簡(jiǎn)短的dialogue有效推動(dòng)了情節(jié)發(fā)展，營(yíng)造了栩栩如生的恐懼的場(chǎng)景。It'sYourturn:Example2-Fear:Icanfeelthesweatdrenchmyskin,thethrobbingofmyowneyes,theringingscreamsvibratinginmyears,andthethumpingofmyheartagainstmychest.Myfingersarecurledintoafist,nailsdiggingintomypalm.Ican'thearmyrapidbreathing,butIcanfeeltheoxygenfloodinginandoutofmylungs.Hesitantly,myeyeslookatthedeadcorpsebeforeme,thepersonIkilled.Feartorturesmyguts,churningmystomachintensecramps.Fearengulfsmyconscience,knockingallotherthoughtsaside.Fearoverwhelmsmybody,makingitdrasticallyexhausted.However,mostofall,thefearismakingmecalmandthatiswhatscaresmethemost.Keywords：_____________________________Yourtreasure:____________________________Example3-Fear

Timepassedslowly.Cathystayedhiddenwithinthedarkness,feelingeverybeatofherheartpoundingonthecoldstoneshelayupon.Thewineandalecellarwasasquietasitwasdark,withonlyonesoundtobeheard;thesoundofherownpulsethrobbinginherears.Suddenly,theserenityofsilencesurrenderedtothedeathlyscreamofhinges,asthedooroppositeherwasslowlypriedopen.Anarrowstreamoflightgracefullymeanderedthroughtheroom,andashadowquicklyfollowed.

Shewasscared.

Cathyheldherbreathe,daringnottomakeasound.Eachsecondseemedtolastaneternityasshelayperfectlystilllisteningtothefootstepsoftheintruder,whichhadmutedthepoundingofherpulse.Keywords：______________________Yourtreasure:_____________________恐懼來(lái)自自身，最大的恐懼其實(shí)就是恐懼本身！讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)微技能|如何讓你筆下的對(duì)話更加準(zhǔn)確傳神對(duì)話（dialogue）是故事角色在整個(gè)故事中對(duì)彼此或?qū)ψ约赫f(shuō)的話。它可以用來(lái)揭示人物的性格和個(gè)性，它也可以用來(lái)推動(dòng)情節(jié)向前發(fā)展，并展示情節(jié)發(fā)展的過(guò)程。

對(duì)話是故事中最重要的元素之一。對(duì)話的語(yǔ)言要避免冗長(zhǎng)的敘述，要避免直接告訴讀者而要通過(guò)其他手段來(lái)展示它們。優(yōu)秀的對(duì)話會(huì)讓你故事中的人物生動(dòng)立體，栩栩如生，將推動(dòng)你的故事進(jìn)展，使其更有樂(lè)趣，而拙劣的對(duì)話將破壞一個(gè)好的故事。11.如何準(zhǔn)確使用對(duì)話中的標(biāo)點(diǎn)請(qǐng)觀察下面的句子。Jackasked,“Doyouthinkitwillraintoday?”“Ihaveanewumbrella,”

explainedEmily,

“andIamexcitedtotryitout.”“Whydon'tyouchecktheweatherforecastonyourphone?”

suggestedCarly.“Itisassimpleasthesmileonyourface,”hesaid.先看一個(gè)如何使用標(biāo)點(diǎn)的視頻英語(yǔ)對(duì)話標(biāo)點(diǎn)使用規(guī)則：第一、

對(duì)話提示詞（Dialoguetags）“Jackasked,”/“explainedEmily,”/“suggestedCarly,”

的位置可以放在引用的對(duì)話前、中、后三個(gè)位置。第二、

對(duì)話中的逗號(hào)，永遠(yuǎn)在引號(hào)里面。對(duì)話提示詞“某某人說(shuō)”構(gòu)成了整個(gè)句子的框架，它和它引用的部分是一個(gè)整體，是完整的一個(gè)句子。這就解釋了很多老師的疑惑，為啥對(duì)話有時(shí)候引用的對(duì)話說(shuō)完了，但是后面卻用逗號(hào)。如：“Itwasashardasarock,”hesaid.

但是：

Hesaid，“Itwasashardasarock.”第三、

整個(gè)對(duì)話（引用部分+對(duì)話提示詞）完整的時(shí)候，才能使用句號(hào)。對(duì)話開(kāi)始首字母大寫(xiě)。如果對(duì)話提示詞是插在一個(gè)完整對(duì)話中間的，

后面需要用逗號(hào)。且后半句話開(kāi)頭首字母要小寫(xiě)。如：“Ihaveanewumbrella,”

explainedEmily,

“andIamexcitedtotryitout.”Exercise1：給下面的句子加標(biāo)點(diǎn)1.There'safiftypercentchanceofrainthisafternoon,reportedEmily.2.Emilyasked,DoyouthinkIshouldtakemynewumbrellatoschool?3.Ofcourseyoushouldtakeittoschool,answeredJack.4.Ifitstartsraining,Carlyadded,youwillbeniceanddry.5.Emilysquealed(尖叫),Iseedarkgraystormcloudsrollingin.6.Ohno!exclaimed(驚叫)Jack.CarlyandIdon'thaveumbrellas.7.Hooray!yelled（喊叫）

Emily.It'sfinallyraining.8.Carlymumbled（咕噥地說(shuō)）,Myhairisgettingsoaked.9.WouldyouandJackliketosharemyumbrellawithme?askedEmily.10.ThankyouEmily,saidCarly.You'remorethanjustafairweatherfriend.2

如何讓你的對(duì)話不平庸對(duì)話的關(guān)注點(diǎn)就是故事中的角色1）對(duì)誰(shuí)說(shuō)了什么話2）說(shuō)話的同時(shí)在做什么3）如何說(shuō)的例1A:

"Givemethe

money,"Katherinesaid.B:"Givemethemoney,"

Katherinesaid,eyesstaring

atthemoneyonthetable。在高考讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的實(shí)際操作中，我們更加鐘愛(ài)B

這種句式，既表明了說(shuō)話對(duì)象，又描述了說(shuō)話的方式，讓讀者更有畫(huà)面感。例2"Givemethattoygun,"Tom

saidangrily.Lucygrinned,hidingitbehindherback.這組對(duì)話中的saidangrily

的使用讓整個(gè)對(duì)話表現(xiàn)平庸。改變這種現(xiàn)狀的辦法有兩種I.

換直接告訴的詞（saidangrily）為展示型詞匯

（如：shouted/screamed/barked）請(qǐng)看下面視頻II．在上下文語(yǔ)境明確的情況下，通過(guò)動(dòng)作和神態(tài)描寫(xiě)來(lái)代替枯燥乏味的sb.said…(對(duì)話提示語(yǔ))。

這樣處理的好處是：1）增加表現(xiàn)力生動(dòng)性

2）避免打斷對(duì)話的語(yǔ)流。如：TomslammedthedollonthegroundandglaredatLucy，"Giveme

thetoy."Lucygrinned，hidingitbehindherback..提示：在讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的創(chuàng)作中，盡量少用副詞來(lái)表述說(shuō)話人講話方式（因?yàn)槟阌昧烁痹~那就是tell而不是show）,特別是你要主要渲染的場(chǎng)景.讓你的對(duì)話有趣逼真有畫(huà)面立體感的是你如何使用show的技能，那就一定要使用一些描繪性的動(dòng)詞。（他們說(shuō)了什么話，說(shuō)話時(shí)同時(shí)在做什么，以及是如何說(shuō)的）拙劣表達(dá)：

"I'mgoingtothestore,"

Sydney

announced

happily.

"Wannagowithme?"上面這個(gè)例子中Sydney的感情是直接告知的，干巴巴的，了無(wú)生趣。優(yōu)秀表達(dá)：

Sydneypulledhisshiny,newdriver'slicenseoutofhispocket.

Thecarkeyswerealreadyinhishandasheflashedthemathislittlesister

andgrinned.

"I'mgoingtothestore,"heannounced."Wanna

gowithme?"第二個(gè)例子中，雖然沒(méi)有用happily一詞，但是Sydney的高興的表情是通過(guò)動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)溢于紙面。這樣的表達(dá)就能博得高考閱卷老師的眼球，從而獲得高分。下面的兩個(gè)例子都是我們需要追求的：“Ijustdon’tknowanymore,”

Maryfoldedherarms.

“IthinkI’mafraidofyou.”Harrysighed.“I’msorry,”

Heshookhishead.

“I’mnotverygoodatthis.”練習(xí)2：試比較體會(huì)下面三句話的優(yōu)劣1.ButIdon'twanttogotosleepyet,"hesaidunhappily.2.ButIdon'twanttogotosleepyet,"hewhined.3.

Hestoodinthedoorwaywithhishandsballedintolittlefistsathissides.Hisred,tear-rimmedeyesglaredupathismother.

"ButIdon'twanttogotosleepyet."Exercise3：(請(qǐng)改寫(xiě)下面的句子使它表達(dá)更生動(dòng)傳神)“Idon’twanttoseeyouagain,”Lilysaid

tonelessly.“Youdon’tmeanthat,”Jacksaid

desperately.“You’reanidiot,”Lilysaid

angrily.對(duì)話并不難寫(xiě)。只要記住在任何時(shí)候都要生動(dòng)逼真。在準(zhǔn)確的對(duì)話格式的前提下，確保你寫(xiě)的所有內(nèi)容都是展示出來(lái)的，不是簡(jiǎn)單直接地告訴讀者在那個(gè)場(chǎng)景中發(fā)生了什么或者說(shuō)了什么。省略副詞或者不要過(guò)度使用副詞。這些簡(jiǎn)單的規(guī)則可以幫助你寫(xiě)出出色的對(duì)話。PossibleanswersforExercise3Lilyturnedawayandcrossedherarms.

“Idon’twanttoseeyouagain.”“Youdon’tmeanthat.”

Jackpushedtohisfeetinarush.Sheglaredathim.

“You’reanidiot.”讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)微技能|氛圍營(yíng)造法之一:8大場(chǎng)景描寫(xiě)技能好的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)必然要有好的故事氛圍。而好的故事氛圍要受到多個(gè)故事元素的影響:

場(chǎng)景、用詞選擇、對(duì)話、獨(dú)白、語(yǔ)言節(jié)奏和修辭法等等。文學(xué)中的（mood）是一種寫(xiě)作的氛圍或普遍基調(diào)，它是讀者在閱讀文本時(shí)候的一種情緒體驗(yàn)，也是作者想要給讀者營(yíng)造的一種故事氛圍。故事場(chǎng)景是情緒體驗(yàn)的核心因素。故事的背景和每一個(gè)場(chǎng)景的視覺(jué),嗅覺(jué)和聽(tīng)覺(jué)等其他感官能夠營(yíng)造出一種特定的氣氛。今天小編就想從場(chǎng)景描寫(xiě)這個(gè)角度來(lái)談?wù)勅绾螤I(yíng)造（mood）。Whattowrite?(寫(xiě)什么？)Wheredidittakeplace?

Whendidithappen?

What’stheweatherlike?

Whatarethesocialconditions?

Whatisthelandscapelike?

Whatspecialdetailstoadd?Howtowritewell?（怎么寫(xiě)？）Technique1:Personification(擬人)Description/purpose:Givesanobjectthecharacteristicsofalivingthing,bringingittolifeExamples：Theflowers

nodded.Snowflakes

danced.Thunder

grumbled.Fog

creptin.Thewind

howled.Thehauntedhouseseemedto

stareat

me,

beckoning

metowardsthedoor.Technique2:simile(明喻)Description/purpose:Similes

likenssomethingtosomethingelsegivingamoredetaileddescriptionExamples：Thenightskywas

asdarkasthedeepestocean.Thestars

sparkledlikediamonds.Thesnake

movedlikearippleonapond.Technique3:metaphor(暗喻)Description/purpose:Metaphorssaythatsomethingissomethingelse,givingthedescriptionmorepowerExamples：Awaveofterror

washedoverhim.Technique4:Vividadjectives(生動(dòng)的形容詞)Description/purpose:Tomakethestorymoreinterestingandvividbyusingmoreimaginativedescriptions,sometimesinalistExamples：Gleaming,

glistening,

whispery

flakesofsnowTechnique5:Negativedescription(否定描述)Description/purpose:Totellthereaderwhatisnotthereisaneffectivewayofshowinghowunpleasant,comfortlessaplaceisExamples：Therewas

nocushion,nocarpet,nowarmth,nolightandnocomfort.Technique6:Camera-panandzoom

(攝影-全景+放大)Description/purpose:Tousetheideaofhowafilmdirectorworks,youcangiveawiderviewthenfocusinononedetailExamples：Fromthewitheringtreeshelookedpastthe

litteredfarmyard,acrosstothedecrepithovel.

Itsdoors

hungsadlyawry,

thehandle

broken.Technique7:Nounsfordetails(細(xì)節(jié)名詞)Description/purpose:Scenesarefilledwiththingsthatweseeandthereforeuseslotsofnouns,evenlistsofnounstoconveywhatisthere.Examples：The

rooms

werecrowdedwith

lanterns

fastenedon

oakpaneledwalls,

tableslaidwith

silvercandlesticks

and

goblets.Technique8:Senses（感官）Description/purpose:Allofoursensesbecomeawareinanewsituationorplace.Yourreaderneedstoknowhowyourcharacterarefeeling.Examples：Waftsofsalt-ladenair

wereinhernostrilsasthe

skitterysandonherfeet

ledhertotheedgeofthewaves.Goodsettingdescriptionforappreciation(佳“景”賞析)1.Thehousesmelledmustyanddamp,andalittlesweet,asifitwerehauntedbytheghostsoflong-deadcookies.

2.Thesunkeptdippingdownintotheoceanandthelightscameonattheharbor,castingsuddenshadowsontheground,illuminatingthefacesthatwerejustasecondagosilhouettes.Theskywasgoldenandpurple,theoceanadarkershadeofviolet.

3.Thesunhadset,butafaintpastelhazelingeredinthemid-summersky.

4.Theyrolledupthepath,treebranchesrakingthewindshieldlikeangrywardens.

5.Outside,theairfilledwithcricketnoise,asthesunreddenedinitsdescent.

6.ArestaurantoverlookingastarlitnightsprangtomyimaginationlikesomethingoutofanilluminatedmanuscriptfromthelateMiddleAges.

7.Themoonwentslowlydowninloveliness;shedepartedintothedepthofthehorizon,andlongveil-likeshadowscreptuptheskythroughwhichthestarsappeared.

8.Allbrightnesswasgone,leavingnothing.Westeppedoutofthetentontonothing.Sledgeandtentwerethere,Estravenstoodbesideme,butneitherhenorIcastanyshadow.Therewasdulllightallaround,everywhere.Whenwewalkedonthecrispsnownoshadowshowedthefootprint.Weleftnotrack.Sledge,tent,himself,myself:nothingelseatall.Nosun,nosky,nohorizon,noworld.

9.Nighthadfallenfastupontheland.Nomorethananhouragotheskywaspaintedwithhuesofred,orangeandpink,butallcolourhadfadedleavingonlyamattblackcanvaswithnostarstobelookedupon.

10．Itwouldbeacoldmoonlessnight.Theskywasdarkandlow,theairsochilledithurttobreathe.Alreadythegroundwaslaidwhitewithfrostandanywaterthathadbeenliquidunderthewintersunhadbecomeice.后續(xù)寫(xiě)微技能|氛圍營(yíng)造法之二|3大高潮營(yíng)造法1Whatisaclimaxofastory?（什么是故事高潮?）文學(xué)故事中的高潮（climax）故事的主要場(chǎng)景（keyscene）也通常是故事的轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)（turningpoint），是指故事達(dá)到最緊張或扣人心弦的那一部分。高潮有時(shí)候是劇情中的"危機(jī)"點(diǎn)。有時(shí)候,它只是達(dá)到關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻或者轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn),發(fā)生了一些事情,或者主角必須做出決定,從而導(dǎo)致一個(gè)結(jié)果或其他。我們?cè)诜治鰯⑹骂?lèi)故事或者小說(shuō)故事的時(shí)候常常用下面的圖表來(lái)表示故事情節(jié)。常見(jiàn)故事高潮示例：1.Alittlegirlhasbeensearchingforherlostdog.Allofasudden,shehearsabarkcomingfromaroundthecorner,andshelooksaroundtosee...

2.Kevinhasworkedveryhardtotryoutforthesoccerteamatschool.Thecoachhaspostedalistofthisyear'steammembersonhisofficedoor.Kevinwalksforwardtolookatthelist....

3.Mary'sparentshavebeendiscussingwhetherornottomovetoanotherstate.TheycallMaryandhersisterdowntotalkwiththemabouttheirdecision...

4.Loishasperformedinthestategymnasticsfinals.Shewaitsanxiouslytohearthenamesofthewinners.Theannouncersays,"Andfirstplacegoesto..."文學(xué)名著中的一些故事高潮1.ThedeathsofRomeo(whokillshimselfbecausehethinksJulietisdead)andJuliet(whokillsherselfwhensheawakesandseesRomeodead).RomeoandJuliet,Shakespeare（羅密歐和朱麗葉，莎士比亞）

2.WhenGastonandthetownspeoplecometoattackthebeast,andBelleadmitsherloveforthebeast.BeautyandtheBeast,Disney（美女與野獸，迪士尼）

3.In"TheThreeLittlePigs,"suspensebuildsupuntiltheconfrontationbetweenthethirdpigandthewolf.Thisconfrontationistheclimax.（三只小豬）2Howtocreateaclimaxofastory?

(如何營(yíng)造故事的高潮？)方法1.增加外部沖突增加外部沖突是一種明顯有效的可以達(dá)到故事高潮的方式。沖突帶來(lái)緊迫感,

將故事推向必要的解決或崩潰。1）角色之間的沖突

(人物觀點(diǎn)差異,

競(jìng)爭(zhēng)需要等)如：2017年11月浙江英語(yǔ)高考：Onthefourthorfifthnight,wehad

trouble

findingahotelwithavacancy.Afterdrivinginvainforsometime,Momsuddenlygotagreatidea:Whydidn'twefindahousewithalikely-lookingbackyardandaskifwecouldsetuptentthere?DavidandIbecamenervous.

開(kāi)車(chē)找旅館徒勞無(wú)功母親建議搭帳篷在他人后院David和我倍感緊張，心有不悅（母子的觀點(diǎn)不一）2)

角色與環(huán)境之間的沖突如：2017年6月浙江英語(yǔ)高考：

ThenMacheardquickandloudbreathingbehindhim.