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Unit5THEMONSTERHewasanundersizedlittleman,withaheadtoobigforhisbody--asicklylittleman.Hisnerveswerehad.Hehadskintrouble.Itwasagonyforhimtowearanythingnexttohisskincoarserthansilk.Andhehadseclusionsofgrandeur.Hewasamonsterofconceit.Neverforoneminutedidhelookattheworldoratpeople,exceptinrelationtohimself.Hewasnotonlythemostimportantpersonintheworld,tohimself;inhisowneyeshewastheonlypersonwhoexisted.Hebelievedhimselftobeoneofthegreatestdramatistsintheworld,oneofthegreatestthinkers,andoneofthegreatestcomposers.Tohearhimtalk,hewasShakespeare,andBeethoven,andPlato,rolledintoone.Andyouwouldhavehadnodifficultyinhearinghimtalk.Hewasoneofthemostexhaustingconversationaliststhateverlived.Aneveningwithhimwasaneveningspentinlisteningtoamonologue.Sometimeshewasbrilliant;sometimeshewasmaddeninglytiresome.Butwhetherhewasbeingbrilliantordull,hehadonesoletopicofconversation:himself.Whathethoughtandwhathedid.Hehadamaniaforbeingintheright.Theslightesthintofdisagreement,fromanyone,onthemosttrivialpoint,wasenoughtosethimoffonaharanguethatmightlastforhouse,inwhichheprovedhimselfrightinsomanyways,andwithsuchexhaustingvolubility,thatintheendhishearer,stunnedanddeafened,wouldagreewithhim,forthesakeofpeace.Itneveroccurredtohimthatheandhisdoingwerenotofthemostintenseandfascinatinginteresttoanyonewithwhomhecameincontact.Hehadtheoriesaboutalmostanysubjectunderthesun,includingvegetarianism,thedrama,politics,andmusic;andinsupportofthesetheorieshewrotepamphlets,letters,books?thousandsuponthousandsofwords,hundredsandhundredsofpages.Henotonlywrotethesethings,andpublishedthem--usuallyatsomebodyelse'sexpense--buthewouldsitandreadthemaloud,forhours,tohisfriendsandhisfamily.Hewroteoperas,andnosoonerdidhehavethesynopsisofastory,buthewouldinvite--orrathersummon--acrowedofhisfriendstohishouse,andreaditaloudtothem.Notforcriticism.Forapplause.Whenthecompletepoemwaswritten,thefriendshadtocomeagain,andhearthatreadaloud.Thenhewouldpublishthepoem,sometimesyearsbeforethemusicthatwentwithitwaswritten.Heplayedthepianolikeacomposer,intheworstsenseofwhatthatimplies,andhewouldsitdownatthepianobeforepartiesthatincludedsomeofthefinestpianistsofhistime,andplayforthem,bythehour,hisownmusic,needlesstosay.Hehadacomposer'svoice.Andhewouldinviteeminentvocaliststohishouseandsingthemhisoperas,takingalltheparts.Hehadtheemotionalstabilityofasix-year-oldchild.Whenhefeltoutofsorts,hewouldraveandstamp,orsinkintosuicidalgloomandtalkdarklyofgoingtotheEasttoendhisdaysasaBuddhistwonk.Tenminuteslater,whensomethingpleasedhim,hewouldrushoutofdoorsandrunaroundthegarden,orjumpupanddownonthesofa,orstandonhishead.Hecouldbegrief-strickenoverthedeathofapetdog,andhecouldbecallousandheartlesstoadegreethatwouldhavemadeaRomanemperorshudder.Hewasalmostinnocentofanysenseofresponsibility.Notonlydidheseemincapableofsupportinghimself,butitneveroccurredtohimthathewasunderayobligationtodoso.Hewasconvincedthattheworldowedhimaliving.Insupportofthisbelief,heborrowedmoneyfromeverybodywhowasgoodforaloan--men,women,friends,orstrangers.Hewrotebegginglettersbythescore,sometimesgrovelingwithoutshame,atotherloftilyofferinghisintendedbenefactortheprivilegeofcontributingtohissupport,andbeingmortallyoffendediftherecipientdeclinedthehonor.Ihavefoundnorecordofhiseverpayingorrepayingmoneytoanyonewhodidnothavealegalclaimuponit.WhatmoneyhecouldlayhishandsonhespentlikeanIndianrajah.Themereprospectofaperformanceofoneofhisoperaswasenoughtosethimtorunningupbillsamountingtotentimestheamountofhisprospectiveroyalties.Noonewilleverknow--certainlyheneverknew--howmuchmoneyheowed.Wedoknowthathisgreatestbenefactorgavehim$6,000topaythemostpressingofhisdebtsinonecity,andayearlaterhadtogivehim$16,000toenablehimtoliveinanothercitywithoutbeingthrownintojailfordebt.Hewasequallyunscrupulousinotherways.Anendlessprocessionofwomenmarchedthroughhislife.Hisfirstwifespenttwentyyearsenduringandforgivinghisinfidelities.Hissecondwifehadbeenthewifeofhismostdevotedfriendandadmirer,fromwhomhestoleher.Andevenwhilehewastryingtopersuadehertoleaveherfirsthusbandhewaswritingtoafriendtoinquirewhetherhecouldsuggestsomewealthywoman--anywealthywoman--whomhecouldmarryforhermoney.Hewascompletelyselfishinhisotherpersonalrelationships.Hislikingforhisfriendswasmeasuredsolelybythecompletenessoftheirdevotiontohim,orbytheirusefulnesstohim,whetherfinancialorartistic.Theminutetheyfailedhim--evenbysomuchasrefusingdinnerinvitation--orbegantolesseninusefulness,hecastthemoffwithoutasecondthought.Attheendofhislifehehadexactlyonefriendleftwhomhehadknowneveninmiddleage.ThenameofthismonsterwasRichardWagner.EverythingthatIhavesaidabouthimyoucanfindonrecord--innewspapers,inpolicereports,inthetestimonyofpeoplewhoknewhim,inhisownletters,betweenthelinesofhisautobiography.Andthecuriousthingaboutthisrecordisthatitdoesn'tmatterintheleast.Becausethisundersized,sickly,disagreeable,fascinatinglittlemanwasrightallthetime.Thejokewasonus.Hewasoneoftheworld'sgreatestdramatists;hewasagreatthinker;hewasoneofthemoststupendousmusicalgeniusesthat,uptonow,theworldhaseverseen.Theworlddidowehimaliving.Whenyouconsiderwhathewrote--thirteenoperasandmusicdramas,elevenofthemstillholdingthestage,eightofthemunquestionablyworthrankingamongtheworld'sgreatmusico-dramaticmasterpieces--whenyoulistentowhathewrote,thedebtsandheartachesthatpeoplehadtoendurefromhimdon'tseemmuchofaprice.Thinkoftheluxurywithwhichforatime,atleast,faterewardedNapoleon,themanwhoruinedFranceandlootedEurope;andthenperhapsyouwillagreethatafewthousanddollars'worthofdebtswerenottooheavyapricetopayfortheRingtrilogy.Whatifhewasfaithlesstohisfriendsandtohiswives?Hehadonemistresstowhomhewasfaithfultothedayofhisdeath:Music.Notforasinglemomentdidheevercompromisewithwhathebelieved,withwhatbedreamed.Thereisnotalineofhismusicthatcouldhavebeenconceivedbyalittlemind.Evenwhenheisdull,ordownrightbad,heisdullinthegrandmanner.Thereisgreatnessabouthisworstmistakes.Listeningtohismusic,onedoesnotforgivehimforwhathemayormaynothavebeen.Itisnotamatterofforgiveness.Itisamatterofbeingdumbwithwonderthathispoorbrainandbodydidn'tburstunderthetormentofthedemonofcreativeenergythatlivedinsidehim,struggling,clawing,scratchingtobereleased;tearing,shriekingathimtowritethemusicthatwasinhim.Themiracleisthatwhathedidinthelittlespaceofseventyyearscouldhavebeendoneatall,evenbyagreatgenius.Isitanywonderthathehadnotimetobeaman?怪才他身材矮小,同他的身體相比,頭卻很大 ——他是一個(gè)常生病的小個(gè)子。他的神經(jīng)有毛病, 他的皮膚也有病。 要是貼身穿的衣服比絲綢粗糙一點(diǎn)的話, 他就會(huì)非常痛苦。而且他還患有狂想癥。他是個(gè)自負(fù)的怪才。他是一刻都沒(méi)有正眼看過(guò)世界和世人。除了和自己和關(guān)在他看來(lái),他不僅是世界上最偉大的劇作家之一、 最偉大的思想家之一、 最偉大的作曲家之一。 聽(tīng)他談話,他就是集莎士比亞、貝多芬、柏拉圖于一身。你如果聽(tīng)他談話并不會(huì)有什么困難。他是人世間最健談的人之一。你如果聽(tīng)他談話并不會(huì)有什么困難。他是人世間最健談的人之一。如果和他在一起呆上一個(gè)晚上,就等于花一個(gè)晚上聽(tīng)他一人獨(dú)講。他有時(shí)講得很精彩,有時(shí)卻讓人討厭。不過(guò)無(wú)論是精彩還是讓人討厭,他的話題只有一個(gè),那就是他自己,他和所想和他所為。他有一種癖號(hào),就是認(rèn)為自己總是對(duì)的。對(duì)于來(lái)自任何人的一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)不同的意見(jiàn),在這最不起眼的觀點(diǎn)上,很可能使他夸夸其談幾個(gè)鐘頭。用各種方法來(lái)證明自己是正確的。和盡力流利的證明最后他的聽(tīng)眾目瞪口呆,為了息事寧人,只好同意他的觀點(diǎn)。他從來(lái)都沒(méi)有想過(guò),他和他所做的事對(duì)于同他有聯(lián)系的人來(lái)說(shuō)并不是最令人感興趣的。他對(duì)天底下差不多作何事情都有自己的觀點(diǎn)。無(wú)論是素食主義、戲劇、政治還是音樂(lè)。為了證明自已的觀點(diǎn),他寫(xiě)了小冊(cè)子信,書(shū),和成千上萬(wàn)的字。共數(shù)百頁(yè)。通常是靠別人資助-而且總是坐著把這些東西大聲的讀。一念就是幾個(gè)小時(shí),給他的朋友和家人。他寫(xiě)歌劇,一有了故事的概要,他就邀請(qǐng)——說(shuō)得更準(zhǔn)確一點(diǎn)是召喚——他那一幫朋友去他家,聽(tīng)他念故事概要。他請(qǐng)他們來(lái)不是聽(tīng)他們批評(píng)意見(jiàn)的,而是聽(tīng)他們贊揚(yáng)的。當(dāng)歌劇的詞全部寫(xiě)完后,他的朋友們還得再來(lái)聽(tīng)他讀整部戲的歌詞。而后你就拿去發(fā)表,可有時(shí)歌詞寫(xiě)好了,數(shù)年后其配樂(lè)才完成。他彈鋼琴象一個(gè)作曲家,一樣彈得糟糕透頂,而且他還總是坐在鋼琴傍,面對(duì)有他同時(shí)代的最優(yōu)秀的鋼琴家在場(chǎng)的一群人,數(shù)小時(shí)地為他們演奏;不用說(shuō),他演奏的都是自己寫(xiě)的音樂(lè)作品。他有作曲家的嗓子。他總是邀請(qǐng)杰出的聲樂(lè)家到家里,給他們演唱自己寫(xiě)的歌劇,一個(gè)人演所有的角色。他的感情就象6歲孩子那樣極不穩(wěn)定。只要感到不舒服,他總是亂罵一通,直跺腳,要么就情緒極其低落,傷心地說(shuō)要去東方當(dāng)和尚,度過(guò)余生。十分鐘后如果有什么事讓他高興的話,他就會(huì)沖出門(mén),在花園里跑來(lái)跑去,或者在沙發(fā)上跳上跳下,或頭朝下倒立著。一只愛(ài)犬死了他會(huì)痛不欲生,可他要是冷酷起來(lái),連羅馬皇帝也會(huì)發(fā)抖的。他簡(jiǎn)直缺乏任何責(zé)任感。他不僅好象沒(méi)有能力養(yǎng)活自己,而且他也從來(lái)沒(méi)有想到有這么做的責(zé)任。他堅(jiān)信人們?cè)擆B(yǎng)活自己。由于是這樣認(rèn)為的,他向所有的人——無(wú)論是男人還是女人,無(wú)論是朋友還是陌生人——誰(shuí)有能力拿出錢(qián)來(lái),他就向誰(shuí)借。他寫(xiě)信向別人乞討,一寫(xiě)就是二十封;有時(shí)奴顏婢膝,毫無(wú)羞恥,有時(shí)卻非常傲慢地把別人給他的特權(quán)賞給他心目中的捐助人,如果領(lǐng)受者拒絕接受, 他就會(huì)萬(wàn)分憤怒。 我沒(méi)有找到他把錢(qián)付給或還給沒(méi)有法律依據(jù)的借款人的任何記錄。只要弄得到錢(qián),他就象印度王公那樣花銷(xiāo)。 一旦他的某部歌劇有望演出, 就足以使他欠下的帳單十倍于預(yù)計(jì)給他的版稅。無(wú)人會(huì)知道——他本人也一定不曾知道——他欠別人多少錢(qián)。但我們肯定知道的是,資助他最多

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