探索世界探索自我讀后續(xù)寫之自畫像講義高三英語寫作復習專項

探索世界探索自我——讀后續(xù)寫之自畫像科學和藝術往往被認為是截然不同的領域，一是向“外”求知識，一是向“內”求精神，但本質上都是對未知的求索?！癇othscienceandartarefundamentallyconcernedwiththeexplorationanddiscoveryoftheunknown.

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Dr.RadhikaPatnala以下分享的這篇讀后續(xù)寫題立意之深值得學生一讀，靈活運用原文實現續(xù)寫與原文的協(xié)同更值得一寫。（回顧2024南通二模續(xù)寫\t"s://mp.weixin.qq/_blank"“MyBestExamination”如何實現“協(xié)同"）

原文(20232024學年第二學期天域全國名校協(xié)作體聯(lián)考高三年級英語學科試題）閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。SelfPortraitAliawasdisappointedtofindherselfinthedrawingstudio.Shehadbeensickwiththefluduringtheweekwheneveryoneelsegottopicktheirclasses.ShehadhopedforAstronomyorMarineBiology,buttheywerefullbythetimeshegottochoose.Shelovedeverythingaboutscience,fromthewayitusedfactsandformulastohowitrevealedthebasicnatureofthings.Butartwasso...unscientific.Thefirstclassprojectwasselfportraits.Somestudentsweredrawingselfportraitsusingmirrors.Otherswereworkingfromphotographs.Aliaglancedattheinpletesketches,feelinglikeacatinadogshow.Butshehadnochoice.Hesitantly,sheliftedapencil,onlytopausebeforethecanvas.Confusionandreluctancewereevidentlywrittenonherface;shehadnoideahowtoproceedwithherstrokes.TheteachercameuptoAlia'seasel

（畫架）.Seeminglyhavingnoticedhertrouble,hesatnexttoher."Everyportraitbeginswithacircle,"hesaid."Thenyoucreateaseriesoflines."Todemonstrate,hedrewagroupofsmall,quickportraits.Hebeganeachonewithacircle,somestraightlines,andatriangletodeterminewheretheeyes,nose,andchinshouldgo.ToAlia'samazement,eachportraitonthepapertookform.Aliahadneverthoughtaboutit,butthefeaturesofeveryone'sfacewereinthesamespots."Goaheadandgiveitatry."Theteacherhandedthepencilbacktoher.Takingadeepbreath,Aliabeganherownselfportrait.Shedrewthebasicformofahead,thewayshehadbeenshown.Fromthere,sheusedlinestoplotthefeaturesofherface.Shehadtotakenoteofeachdetail,witheachstroke,lineandcurvedemandinghercloseattention.Onewrongmeasurementcouldthrowoffthewholeportrait.注意：1.

所續(xù)寫短文的詞數應為150左右；2.

請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。para.1Theprocesstookpatienceandprecision.

para.2Admiringherwork,Aliasuddenlyrealizeddrawingwasjustwhatshehadhopedfor.

01

原文分析SummaryofthestoryAlia發(fā)現自己被安排在繪畫工作室，而不是她原本希望的天文學或海洋生物學課程。她對藝術感到陌生和困惑，覺得它與科學完全不同。然而，當她開始學習繪畫并接受老師的指導時，她開始感受到繪畫的樂趣和挑戰(zhàn)，發(fā)現了繪畫的美妙之處。Themeanalysis如其它突出主人公change的故事一樣，本篇續(xù)寫要強調

Alia

在學習繪畫過程中的轉變和成長。??對自身的認識的轉變：①強調繪畫過程需要patience和precision。Alia

學會了在繪畫過程中耐心地觀察、精確地測量和仔細地描繪細節(jié)，才能完成一幅優(yōu)美的畫作。②這次經歷讓Alia醒悟：“Don'tassumeyouwon'tlikesomethinguntilyoutryit.”

③畫自畫像的過程也是selfdiscovery的過程，真正認識自己，發(fā)現自己的興趣和潛力。??對藝術的認識的轉變：①盡管藝術和科學看起來截然不同，但在細節(jié)處理和表達方面，它們都需要精確性和系統(tǒng)性。在續(xù)寫中，可以強調Alia通過繪畫發(fā)現了科學和藝術之間的聯(lián)系和共同點，意識到藝術的科學性。②她意識到繪畫不僅是一種藝術形式，更是一種表達自己想法和感受的方式，這與科學所追求的客觀性和邏輯性相輔相成，進一步體會到藝術的魅力。??對世界的認識的轉變：不要被自己的先驗經驗所限，要以開放的眼光去看待世界，發(fā)現身邊事物的美。Drawingthemedvocabulary原文大量和畫自畫像有關的詞匯可在寫作中運用：circle,lines,triangle,tookform,plotfeatures,takenoteofeachdetail,stroke,curve,measurement,portrait,inthesamespot02

構建情節(jié)細節(jié)引導學生充分分析givensentences，設置排序和填空任務讓學生勾勒續(xù)寫情節(jié)主體，并且辨別情節(jié)順序和主次。keyspara.1Theprocesstookpatienceandprecision.①（與前一句和前文銜接）Alia開始認真畫畫②（過渡）畫畫過程中的心理變化③（承上啟下）完成繪畫初次感受到藝術的魅力和自己繪畫的能力para.2

Admiring

herwork,Aliasuddenlyrealized

drawingwasjustwhatshehadhopedfor.①（與前一句銜接）欣賞自己所作肖像畫的發(fā)現和感受→②（過渡）對藝術的深刻理解→③（收尾）藝術初體驗給Alia帶來的啟發(fā)和對未來的期待03

多種方法潤色語言Echoing經過之前幾篇練習，多數學生已經能靈活運用原文素材到續(xù)寫中了。實現情節(jié)、主題和語言三方面的“協(xié)同”。Rhetoricaldevices我喜歡把學生作文里面好句挑出來，小小修訂一番展示給全班同學看，并且讓學生作者本人陳述句子。學生也很喜歡這種講評方式，畢竟受表揚了，誰不開心呢？這次許多學生習作也確實可圈可點，很多人運用了比喻、排比、類比等手法。Metaphor

(描寫繪畫過程)Therhythm

ofthescratchagainstthecanvas

remindedherofthescientificproceduressheadored....gradually,herpaintingwas

likeaflowerboomingoncanvas....shedidn’tfeellike

acatinadogshow

anymoreWiththebrushdancinggracefullyonthepaper,avividpaintingwasborn.Miraculously,the

dancingbrushbroughtthegirlonthecanvastolife.Herbrushwas

dancingintheairtothemelodiousrhythmofhercreativemind.Engagedinherselfportraitcreation,Aliafeltlike

swimmingintheoceanofart.parison（傳達主旨）Measuring,studyingdetails,revealingthebasicnatureofsomething—itremindedherofwhatshelovedaboutscience.Theselfportrait

before

herwas

notjust

acollectionoflinesandshapes

but

a

deepandthoroughexploration

ofherownface.Sherealizedthatartandsciencewere

notsodistinct,

bothrequiring

akeeneye,asteadyhand,andanopenmind.04

參考范文我結合已有參考范文版本改進后提供給學生理解和背誦，并配上每句話的寫作目的和翻譯。（真是保姆式教學??）Theprocesstookpatienceandprecision.Shecloselyobservedthefeaturesofherface,meticulouslymeasuredthesizes,andcautiouslymadeastroke,thewayshehadstudiedaplexformula.Everystepdemandedherconcentration.Therhythmofdrawingremindedherofthescientificproceduressheadored.【作畫過程如同科學步驟】Slowly,onherfacetheinitialreluctanceandconfusionwereerased,givingwaytoanimmersionandenjoymentindrawing.【心理變化】Asthebrushdancedgracefullyonthecanvas,aselfportraitwasbornalive,witheachfeatureintheproperplace.Theteachercame,examinedAlia'sworkandnoddedtoher,smiling,"Goodjob".【作畫結果】Admiringherwork,Aliafoundthatdrawingwassurprisinglywhatshehadhopedfor.Theselfportraitbeforeherwasnotjustacollectionoflinesandshapesbutadeepa