研究生英語寫作 第二次

研究生英語寫作（II）左雁北京物資學院外語學院

編輯pptWordiness

編輯pptThoughtfortheDay “Themostvaluableofalltalentsisneverusingtwowordswhenonewilldo.” --ThomasJefferson(1743-1826),AmericanPresidentandwriteroftheDeclarationofIndependence編輯pptCuttheFatGoodwritingissimple,directandleanPoorwritingisconfounded,roundaboutandfat編輯pptTenThingstoThinkaboutwhenBuyingaHouse Butthat’snotall.Yetanotheroneofthemostimportantfactorstoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhome:Obviously,thesinglemostimportantthingtoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhomeforyourselfisprice.Ifyoucan’taffordaplacetobeginwith,thenwhatisthewholepointinoverpayingforsomethingyoucan’tevenafford?Thisquestionisprobablyoneofthebiggestquestionsmostpeoplefacewhenbuyinganewhome.Whichwordsorphraseswouldyoucutfromthisparagraph?(pleasenotethatthisparagraphwouldappearsomewhereinthemiddleofanessay.)編輯ppt

Watchyourteachercut41wordsoffatfromthis75wordparagraphintoaleanandmean34words!編輯ppt Butthat’snotall.Yetanotheroneofthemostimportantfactorstoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhome:Obviously,thesinglemostimportantthingtoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhomeforyourselfisprice.Ifyoucan’taffordaplacetobeginwith,thenwhatisthewholepointinoverpayingforsomethingyoucan’tevenafford?Thisquestionisprobablyoneofthebiggestquestionsmostpeoplefacewhenbuyinganewhome.Ifit’sobvious,thenit’sobviousrepetitiverepetitiveWhoelsewoulditbefor?unnecessaryrepetitiverepetitiveRepetitionofthetitleTenThingstoThinkaboutwhenBuyingaHouse編輯pptBefore&AfterComparison HereI’dliketointroducetoyouthemostimportantfactorstoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhome:Obviously,thesinglemostimportantthingtoconsiderwhenbuyinganewhomeforyourselfisprice.Ifyoucan’taffordaplacetobeginwith,thenwhatisthewholepointinoverpayingforsomethingyoucan’tevenafford?Thisquestionisprobablyoneofthebiggestquestionsmostpeoplefacewhenbuyinganewhome.--75words Themostimportantthingisprice,andifyoucan’taffordaplacetobeginwith,thenwhatisthepointinoverpaying?Thisquestionisprobablyoneofthebiggestmostpeopleface.--34wordsNotenoughdevelopmentforaparagraph.Thewriterneedstosaymore;givedetails/examples編輯pptWordyWords

Somewordsthatcanoftenbetossed intotherubbishbin:

Imyself actually basically really definitely quite very just obviously kindof sortof generally

always thefactthat infact duetothefactthat thereasonwhyisbecause beingthat inwhich itcanbeseenthat itisclearthat lastbutnotleast Ithink/believe/feel InmyopinionThe‘uhh”s,“emm”s“nege”sofwrittenlanguage編輯pptThebasicreasonI’moverweightisbecauseI’mlazy.I’moverweightbecauseI’mlazyIjustdon’tunderstandwhymybrotherisverymeantome.Idon’tunderstandwhymybrotherismeantome.Ibelievethatafriendinneedisafriendindeed.Afriendinneedisafriendindeed.I’mmoreforgetfulduetothefactthatI’mgettingolder.I’mmoreforgetfulasIgetolder.Itcanbeseenthatwomenaresmarterthanmen.Womenaresmarterthanmen.編輯pptHohhotisthecityinwhichIwasborn.IwasborninHohhot.MyleghurtsduetothefactthatIwasrunoverbyacar.MyleghurtsbecauseIwasrunoverbyacar.Isortoffeelthatthefoodtastedkindofdisgusting.Thefoodtasteddisgusting.Heshouldn’thavehither,beingthatshe’sawoman.Heshouldn’thavehitawoman.It’sreallyquitewonderfulthatwe’vebecomefriends.It’swonderfulthatwe’vebecomefriends.編輯ppt

Rewritethesentencesbyeliminatinganyunnecessarylanguage.Makesurethesentencesretaintheiroriginalmeaning. 1.Actually,Imyselfhavehadasimilarexperiencetohisexperience. 2.It’saveryentertainingfilmtowatch. 3.Thereasonyouaresoillisobviouslybecauseyouhaven’teatenanyfoodinthreedaysandnights. 4.ItisclearthateducationinFranceisawholelotbetterthaneducationinmostotherEuropeancountries. 5.Duetothereasonthatchildrenoftencopythebehaviorofallthepeoplearoundthem,weadultsneedtowatchoutforourveryownbehaviorthatmightcausethemtoimitateus.

編輯ppt 6.Itisclearthatyouneedtoliveyourlifethewayyouwanttoliveyourlife. 7.InthisdiagramwecaneasilyseethatDVDsalesgoupinthemonthofNovember. 8.Childrenjustdon’tquiteunderstandthedifferencebetweenrightandwrongatsuchayoungage. 9.TheGreatWallofChinaiscertainlyoneofthegreatestandbiggestman-madestructuresevertohavebeenbuiltinallofhistory. 10.Lastbutnotleast,Iwouldliketosayonemorething:Ithinktelevisionisbadforyoureyes.編輯pptActually,Imyselfhavehadasimilarexperiencetohisexperience.

Ihavehadasimilarexperiencetohis.It’saveryentertainingfilmtowatch.

It’sanentertainingfilm.Thereasonyouaresoillisobviouslybecauseyouhaven’teatenanyfoodinthreedaysandnights.

You’resoillbecauseyouhaven’teateninthreedays.編輯ppt4.ItisclearthateducationinFranceisawholelotbetterthaneducationinmostotherEuropeancountries.

EducationinFranceisbetterthaninmostEuropean countries.Duetothereasonthatchildrenoftencopythebehaviorofallthepeoplearoundthem,weadultsneedtowatchoutforourveryownbehaviorthatmightcausethemtoimitateus.

Becausechildrenoftencopythebehaviorofthe peoplearoundthem,adultsneedtowatchtheirown behavior.Itisclearthatyouneedtoliveyourlifethewayyouwanttoliveyourlife.

Liveyourlifethewayyouwantto.編輯ppt7.InthisdiagramwecaneasilyseethatDVDsalesgoupinthemonthofNovember.

Inthisdiagram,DVDsalesgoupinNovember.8.Childrenjustdon’tquiteunderstandthedifferencebetweenrightandwrongatsuchayoungage.

Childrendon’tunderstandrightandwrong.9.TheGreatWallofChinaiscertainlyoneofthegreatestandbiggestman-madestructuresevertohavebeenbuiltinallofhistory.

TheGreatWallofChinaisoneofthegreatestmanmade structuresinhistory.10.Lastbutnotleast,Iwouldliketosayonemorething:Ithinktelevisionisbadforyoureyes.

Last,televisionisbadforyoureyes.編輯pptThreePoints Herearethreeareastowatchoutforineliminatingwordiness:1.EliminateThereis/are,andItis

atthebeginningofsentenceswheneverpossible2.Eliminateprepositional‘of’phrases3.Changewholephrasesintosinglewordswheneverpossible編輯pptItis,Thereis,Thereare Avoidbeginningsentenceswiththesephraseswheneverpossiblebymovingthesubjecttothefrontofthesentenceinstead.Itisterribleisseethathappen.Seeingthathappenisterrible.Thereareonlysixstudentsinthisclass.Onlysixstudentsareinthisclass.TherearealotofstudentswholikestudyingEnglish.AlotofstudentslikestudyingEnglish.Thereisanoldsayingthatgoes“betterlatethannever.”Anoldsayinggoes,“betterlatethannever.”

Itistooearlytogotobed.(cannotchangethisconstruction)編輯pptChangePrepositional‘of’PhrasesWheneverPossibleTheopinionofmybossMyboss’opinionThehomeofherfamilyHerfamily’shomeTheideaofmineMyideaAfriendofmymotherMymother’sfriendAcityofInnerMongolia.AnInnerMongolianCity.編輯pptChangewholephrasesintoindividualwordswheneverpossibleSheisawomanwho…She…Thisisaconversationwhichisabout…Thisconversationisabout…OwingtothefactthatIlostmykeys…SinceIlostmykeysThequestionastowhetherheshouldgoornot…Whetherheshouldgoornot…Sheshoutedatmeinanangryway.Sheshoutedatmeangrily.編輯pptThetwoparagraphsbelowaretoowordy.Revisetheminyourjournalbyeliminatingandchanginglanguageyouthinkisunnecessary.

Bytheendoftheyear,itisbelievedthatthenumberofdogownersinBeijingwillrisequitedramatically.Therearealotofpeoplewhowillagreethatthenumberwillgoupalot.ThereisnodoubtthatChinesepeoplereallylovedogsbecausetheyaresocuteandlovely.Howmanytimeshaveyouwalkeddownthestreetandsaidtoyourself,‘Whatacooldog!IwishIhadoneofthoselovelyandcutedogs!’Youknowthatyoureallyadmiretheownerofthedogbecausethatlovelydogprobablybringshimsomuchhappiness. Onereallybigproblem,thoughismyhusband.Myhusbandisamanwhohatesdogs.Notonlydoeshehatethem,butheisallergictothem.Hehassuchaterribleandhorribletimearounddogsbecauseofhisallergies.Thedoctorofmyhusbandsaysthathisallergicreactiontodogsisnothingserious,buttheallergiescancausehimagreatamountofdiscomfort.Itissuchabadthingforhimtogothrough,soIknowthatintheendIwillneverbeabletohavemyowndogformyself.

CountyourWords!編輯ppt

Bytheendoftheyear,itisbelievedthatthenumberofdogownersinBeijingwillrisequitedramatically.Therearealotofpeoplewhowillagreethatthenumberwillgoupalot.

ThereisnodoubtthatChinesepeople

reallylovedogsbecausetheyaresocuteandlovely.Howmanytimeshaveyouwalkeddownthestreetandsaidtoyourself,‘Whatacooldog!IwishIhadoneofthose

lovelyandcutedogs!’Youknowthatyoureallyadmiretheownerofthedogbecausethatlovelydogprobablybringshimsomuchhappiness. Onereallybigproblem,thoughismyhusband.Myhusbandisamanwhohatesdogs.Notonlydoeshehatethem,butheisallergictothem.Hehassucha

terribleandhorribletimearounddogsbecauseofhisallergies.Thedoctorofmyhusbandsaysthat

hisallergicreaction

todogsisnothingserious,buttheallergiescancausehimagreatamountofdiscomfort.Itissuchabadthingforhimtogothrough,soIknowthatintheendIwillneverbeabletohavemyowndogformyself. Byyear’send, thenumberofBeijing’sdogownerswillrisedramatically. Chineselovedogsbecausetheyarecuteandlovely.Howmanytimeshaveyouwalkeddownthestreetandsaid, ‘Whatacooldog!IwishIhadone!’ Youadmirethedog’sownerbecauseitprobablybringshimsomuchhappiness.

Myhusband,whohatesdogsandisallergictothem,isabigproblem,though. Hehasahorribletimearoundthembecauseofhisallergies.Hisdoctorsayshisreactiontodogsisn’tserious,butitcancausediscomfort.Asaresult,IknowI’llneverownadog.

201103編輯ppt

Unit2（B）CriteriaofTranslation編輯ppt

原文：他昨天來過這兒了。譯文I：Hecamehereyesterday.譯文II：Yesterdayhecamehere．編輯ppt

原文：香港總督尤德爵士今晨于北京逝世。譯文I：SirEdwardYoude，GovernorofHongKong,passedawayinBeijingthismorning．譯文II：SirEdwardYoude，GovernorofHongKong,breathedhislastinBeijingthismorning．譯文III：SirEdwardYoude，GovernorofHongKong,kickedthebucketinBeijingthismorning．

編輯ppt

原文：瞧你像只落湯雞！譯文I：Youlooklikeabedraggedchicken!譯文II：Youlooklikeadrownedrat!譯文III：Look!You’rewetthrough．編輯ppt

原文：這是一篇八股文。譯文I：Thisisabaguessay.譯文II：Thisisaneight-leggedessay.譯文III：Thisisastereotypedwriting.編輯ppt

原文：勞駕，去市場將怎么走?譯文I：Excuseme,butcouldyoushowmethewaytoMarketStreet?譯文II：Ibegyoupardon,sir.WillyoubesokindastotellmehowtoreachMarketStreet?譯文III:Chap,tellmehowtogettoMarketStreet.編輯ppt

原文：驕陽下，柳樹上，回答他的是一片“知了，知了”的蟬聲。(毛炳甫《剝皮香蕉》)譯文I：Underthescorchingsun,fromthewillowtree,cametheconfirmingreplyofthecicada’schirrup:“See,see….”

譯文II：…camethecicada’schirruping,“zing-a-zing-a….”

譯文III：…camethecicada’sreply,

“ISee,Isee….”

譯文IV：…camethecicada’sreply,

“Iknow,Iknow….”

編輯pptTranslation

Game我滿懷希望來參加會議，以為我們的改革一定會得到支持，但討論來討論去，還是外甥打燈籠照舊，未免大失所望。

編輯ppt原文分析我滿懷希望來參加會議，||以為我們的改革目的

一定會得到支持，|但討論來討論去，|||還轉(zhuǎn)折

因果是外甥打燈籠照舊，||未免大失所望。

因果編輯ppt時態(tài)選擇

本句主要是敘事，議論針對具體事件而發(fā)，宜選用過去時態(tài)系統(tǒng)，以一般過去時為規(guī)范，必要時參照規(guī)范選用其他時態(tài)。

編輯ppt

分步翻譯：獨立翻譯1)Icametotheconferencewithgreatexpectation;2)Webelievedthatourreformwouldsurelywinfullsupport;3)However,itwasdiscussedanddiscussed;4)Theresultturnedouttobeayoungmanholdingalanterntoshowthewayforhismaternaluncle——butremainingattheoriginalpoint;5)Theresultfellshortofourexpectation.編輯ppt分步翻譯：合并

Icametotheconferencewithgreatexpectation.Weweresurethatourreformwouldwinfullsupport.However,theresultfellshortoftheexpectation,fortherepeateddiscussionsturnedouttobetheyoungmanholdingalanterntoshowthewayforhismaternaluncle——butremainingattheoriginalpoint.(Ahalfliteral,halfliberaltranslation.)編輯ppt分步翻譯：化簡Sureofthefullsupportforourreform,Icametotheconference.However,myexpectationturnedouttobeinvain,fortherepeateddiscussiondidn’tproduceanyexpectedresult.編輯ppt分步翻譯：調(diào)整

TheexpectationwithwhichIcametotheconferencethatourreformwouldwinfullsupportturnedouttobeinvainbytherepeatedfruitlessdiscussions.編輯pptPractice

這位教授引經(jīng)據(jù)典，反復闡釋，許多學生仍感到不得要領(lǐng)，如墜入五里云霧。如此看來，深入淺出，乃教學之秘訣也。

編輯ppt原文分析這位教授引經(jīng)據(jù)典，|||反復闡釋，||許多并列轉(zhuǎn)折

學生仍感到不得要領(lǐng)，||||如墜入五里云霧。|

因果因果如此看來，深入淺出，||乃教學之秘訣也。