迷路獲救讀后續(xù)寫(xiě) 全國(guó)優(yōu)質(zhì)課一等獎(jiǎng)

課后續(xù)寫(xiě)公開(kāi)讀目錄如何構(gòu)思續(xù)寫(xiě)的內(nèi)容讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的高分攻略212讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的高分攻略評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)第五檔：21分-25分第四檔：16分-20分第三檔：11分-15分第二檔：6分-10分第一檔：1分-5分第五檔：21分-25分與所給短文融洽度高，與所提供各段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)銜接合理。內(nèi)容豐富，應(yīng)用了5個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)。所使用語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯豐富，準(zhǔn)確，可能有些許錯(cuò)誤，但完全不影響意義表達(dá)。有效地使用了語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，使所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。與所給短文融洽度較高，與所提供各段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)銜接較為合理。內(nèi)容比較豐富，應(yīng)用了5個(gè)以上短文所標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)。所使用的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯較為豐富、準(zhǔn)確，可能有些許錯(cuò)誤，但不影響意義表達(dá)。比較有效地使用了語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，使所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。第四檔：16分-20分第三檔（11分-15分）與所給短文關(guān)系較為密切，與所提供各段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)有一定程度的銜接；寫(xiě)出了若干有關(guān)內(nèi)容，應(yīng)用了4個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)；應(yīng)用的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯能滿足任務(wù)的要求，雖有一些錯(cuò)誤，但不影響意義的表達(dá)；應(yīng)用簡(jiǎn)單的語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，使全文內(nèi)容連貫。第二檔（6分-10分）

與所給短文有一定的關(guān)系，與所提供各段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)有一定程度的銜接；寫(xiě)出了一些有關(guān)內(nèi)容，應(yīng)用了3個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)；語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)單調(diào)、詞匯項(xiàng)目有限，有些語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯方面的錯(cuò)誤，影響了意義的表達(dá)；較少使用語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，全文內(nèi)容缺少連貫性。第一檔（1分-5分）

與所給短文和開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)的銜接較差；產(chǎn)出內(nèi)容太少，很少使用短文中標(biāo)出的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)；語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)單調(diào)、詞匯項(xiàng)目很有限，有較多語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯方面的錯(cuò)誤，嚴(yán)重影響了意義的表達(dá)；缺乏語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，全文內(nèi)容不連貫。續(xù)寫(xiě)中常出現(xiàn)的問(wèn)題一、書(shū)寫(xiě)潦草，卷面涂改；二、上下文的連貫性差；三、錯(cuò)詞錯(cuò)句多，好詞好句少；四、沒(méi)有豐富和生動(dòng)的細(xì)節(jié)推動(dòng)情節(jié)的發(fā)展；五、與所給短文及段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)的銜接程度差；六、沒(méi)有使用5個(gè)或5個(gè)以上原文中的劃線詞語(yǔ)，沒(méi)有劃出所

用的劃線詞語(yǔ)。獲得高分的寫(xiě)作技巧Tip1:故事要圍繞著主要人物展開(kāi)。Tip2:詳細(xì)刻畫(huà)角色及其情感。Tip4:使用恰當(dāng)?shù)男揎椩~以使描寫(xiě)更加生動(dòng)。Tip3:使用恰當(dāng)?shù)你暯釉~以使故事更有連貫性。Tip5:做到首尾呼應(yīng)以使故事更加有條理。Tip6:確保第二段和第一段的銜接有邏輯。

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

OneweekendinJuly,Janeandherhusband,Tom,haddriventhreehourstocampovernightbyalakeintheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayanunpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimetheyreachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom,“I’mgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp”andwalkedaway.Withnopathtofollow,Janejustwalkedonforquitealongtime.Aftershehadclimbedtoahighplace,sheturned

示例around,hopingtoseethelake.Tohersurprise,shesawnothingbutforestand,farbeyond,asnowcappedmountaintop.Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost.“Tom!”shecried.“Help!”Noreply.IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.Janekeptmoving,butthefarthershewalked,themoreconfusedshebecame.Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Janewassotiredthatshehadtostopforthenight.Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandherfamily.Shewantedtoholdhimandtellhimhowmuchshelovedhim.Janeroseatthebreakofday,hungryandthirsty.Shecouldhearwatertrickling(滴落)somewhereatadistance.Quicklyshefollowedthesoundtoastream.Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes.Shedrankandateafewberries.Neverinherlifehadshetastedanythingbetter.Feelingstrongernow,Janebegantowalkalongthestreamandhopeitwouldleadhertothelake.Asshepickedherwaycarefullyalongthestream,Janeheardahelicopter.Isthatforme?Unfortunately,thetreesmadeitimpossibleforpeopletoseeherfromabove.Afewminuteslater,anotherhelicopterflewoverhead.Janetookoffheryellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandflagthemiftheycamebackagain.注意：1.所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；2.應(yīng)使用5個(gè)以上短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞；3.續(xù)寫(xiě)部分分為兩段，每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫(xiě)好；4.續(xù)寫(xiě)完成后，請(qǐng)用下劃線標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)。Paragraph1：

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.____________________________________________________________________________________Paragraph2：

ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.__________________________________________________________

分析文本Character:Tom,JaneSetting:yellowhouse,stream,lake,helicopter,atadistanceAction:walked,climbedMood:tohergreatjoyBeginningClimaxEndingquarrel吵架，生氣離開(kāi)看見(jiàn)直升飛機(jī)angry(helicopters)rescued?被救？

Processlost迷路confused，tired構(gòu)思細(xì)讀兩段續(xù)寫(xiě)的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)，理順續(xù)寫(xiě)段落的邏輯關(guān)系；圍繞劃定的10個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞，合理創(chuàng)新故事情節(jié)。Para.1:But

no

more

helicopters

came

and

it

was

dark.

續(xù)寫(xiě)部分：簡(jiǎn)當(dāng)時(shí)的感受？簡(jiǎn)是如何過(guò)夜的？簡(jiǎn)睡著了嗎？Para.2:It

was

daybreak

when

Jane

woke

up.續(xù)寫(xiě)部分：簡(jiǎn)獲救了嗎？誰(shuí)救了簡(jiǎn)？怎么救的？她當(dāng)時(shí)的感受？第五檔續(xù)寫(xiě)例文

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Feelingdisappointed,Janehadtostayaloneforanothernight.Afterwalkingalongdistanceagain,itoccurredtoherthatshehadaboxofmatcheswithher.Shewaswildwithjoyandusedthemtoburnsomebranchessothatshecouldgetsomewarmth.Staringatthejumpingfire,JanethoughtofallthethingsthatsheandTomhadexperiencedtogether.OnlyinthiswaycouldJanefeelbetterandfallasleep.

ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.

Feelingrefreshed,shecontinuedtowalkalongthestreamtofindthewayout.Atnoon,tohergreatjoy,shefinallycaughtsightofawidewatersurfaceatadistance.Itwasthelake!Alsoshespottedacrewofpolicemenseekingalongthebank!Itseemedthattheyalsospottedherbecausetheyweremovingtowardsher!ItwasTomwhocalledthepolice.Finally,theyledhertoherhusband.Andtheminutetheymet,theyhuggedtogetherfirmlyasiftheywouldneverseparateagain.Theygothomeandhaveledahappylifeeversince.Paragraph1:

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.

Immediately,anabsolutedarknessruledtheforest.Jane，exhaustedandscared,laydownnearastone,missingherfamilyatadistance.Allthefantasticmemorycrowdedinandshecouldn'thelpcrying,“HadInotquarreledwithTom,walkedawayandclimbedtothehighplace,Iwouldn'tbetrappedinthisawfulplace，confrontedwiththedangerofdying.”Sheregrettedwithendlessanxiety,andthenbecameasleepwithshiningtearsinhereyes.Paragraph2:

ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Weakasshewas,shestruggledtoherfeet,continuingsearchingforassistance.Tohergreatjoy,ahelicopterwasflyingoverheadagainandagain.Eagerandexcited，sheflaggedheryellowblouseandsparednoefforttoyellsoastoattractothers’attention.Fortunately,shewaseventuallynoticedandbroughtintothehelicopter.There,shesawherhusband,amanstaringather,wearinganexpressionofrelief.Astightlyaspossible，shehuggedhimandwastoothrilledtosayanything.Besides,theyagreednevertoquarrelagain,determiningtolivethelifetothefullest.【點(diǎn)評(píng)】

該文為最高檔五檔作文22分。第一、續(xù)寫(xiě)部分和原文及首句的融合