雙語(yǔ)笑話及短篇新聞

雙語(yǔ)笑話及短篇新聞MyHusbandWillBeHomeSoonAmarriedmanwasvisitinghis"girlfriend"whensherequestedthatheshavehisbeard."OhJames,Ilikeyourbeard,butIwouldreallylovetoseeyourhandsomeface."Jamesreplied,"Mywifelovesthisbeard,Icouldn'tpossiblydoit,shewouldkillme!!""Ohplease?"thegirlfriendaskedagain,inasexylittlevoice。"Ohreally,Ican't,"hereplies。"Mywifelovesthisbeard!!"Thegirlfriendaskedoncemore,andhesighsandfinallygivesin.ThatnightJamescrawlsintobedwithhiswifewhileshewassleeping.Thewifeisawakenedsomewhat,feelshisfaceandreplies"OhMichael,youshouldn'tbehere,myhusbandwillbehomesoon!"我丈夫馬上就要回來(lái)了一個(gè)已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友〞時(shí)，女朋友要求他剃去胡須?！班?，詹姆斯，我喜愛你的胡子，但我更喜愛看到你英俊的面孔。〞詹姆斯回答說(shuō)，“我的妻子喜愛我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會(huì)殺了我的。〞“噢，我求你了，〞女朋友用一種低落的、性感的聲音又一次說(shuō)道?！翱墒?，我不能，〞他回答道，“我的妻子喜愛這胡子。〞在女朋友一再請(qǐng)求下，他終于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡時(shí)，詹姆斯爬上了床。妻子朦模糊朧地摸了摸他的臉說(shuō)道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應(yīng)該在這里，我的丈夫很快就要回來(lái)了。〞Whywashefired?Bill:Jonesworkssevenhoursadayandsleepssevenhours.will:Thenwhywashefired?Bill:Becausehedidbothduringthesamesevenhours.他為什么被解雇呢？比爾：瓊斯天天工作7小時(shí)，睡覺7小時(shí)。威爾：那他為什么被解雇了呢？比爾：因?yàn)樗?個(gè)小時(shí)里同時(shí)做這兩件事。6.求英語(yǔ)小故事,短的新聞,笑話等Manyyearsafterreceivingmygraduatedegree,IreturnedtotheStateUniversityofNewYorkatBinghamtonasafacultymember.Onedayinacrowdedelevator,someoneremarkedonitsinefficiency.Isaidtheelevatorshadnotchangedinthe20yearssinceIbeganthereasastudent.Whenthedoorfinallyopened,Ifeltacompassionatepatonmyback,andturnedtoseeanelderlynunsmilingatme."You'llgetthatdegree,dear,"shewhispered."Perseveranceisavirtue."眼看著安達(dá)利爾手中的毒霧馬上匯成龍首的模樣，已經(jīng)退出半步的溫德身子突然一僵，一個(gè)念頭在他心底泛了出來(lái)：到底該不該將她擋住？MyHusbandWillBeHomeSoonAmarriedmanwasvisitinghis"girlfriend"whensherequestedthatheshavehisbeard."OhJames,Ilikeyourbeard,butIwouldreallylovetoseeyourhandsomeface."Jamesreplied,"Mywifelovesthisbeard,Icouldn'tpossiblydoit,shewouldkillme!!""Ohplease?"thegirlfriendaskedagain,inasexylittlevoice。"Ohreally,Ican't,"hereplies。"Mywifelovesthisbeard!!"Thegirlfriendaskedoncemore,andhesighsandfinallygivesin.ThatnightJamescrawlsintobedwithhiswifewhileshewassleeping.Thewifeisawakenedsomewhat,feelshisfaceandreplies"OhMichael,youshouldn'tbehere,myhusbandwillbehomesoon！"我丈夫馬上就要回來(lái)了一個(gè)已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友\〞時(shí)，女朋友要求他剃去胡須。“噢，詹姆斯，我喜愛你的胡子，但我更喜愛看到你英俊的面孔。\〞詹姆斯回答說(shuō)，“我的妻子喜愛我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會(huì)殺了我的。\〞“噢，我求你了，\〞女朋友用一種低落的、性感的聲音又一次說(shuō)道?！翱墒牵也荒?，\〞他回答道，“我的妻子喜愛這胡子。\〞在女朋友一再請(qǐng)求下，他終于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡時(shí)，詹姆斯爬上了床。妻子朦模糊朧地摸了摸他的臉說(shuō)道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應(yīng)該在這里，我的丈夫很快就要回來(lái)了。\〞。HeWonTommy:Howisyourlittlebrother,Johnny?Johnny:Heisillinbed.Hehurthimself.Tommy:That'stoobad.Howdidthathappen?Johnny:Weplayedwhocouldleanfurthestoutofthewindow,andhewon.他贏了湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰(shuí)能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)，他贏了。IHaveHisEarinMyPocketIvancamehomewithabloodynoseandhismotherasked,"Whathappened?""Akidbitme,"repliedIvan."Wouldyourecognizehimifyousawhimagain?"askedhismother."I'dknowhimanywhere,"saidIvan."Ihavehisearinmypocket."他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？〞“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，〞伊凡說(shuō)?！霸僖姷剿隳苷J(rèn)出來(lái)嗎？〞媽媽問。“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，〞伊凡說(shuō)?！八亩溥€在我衣兜里呢。〞AGoodBoyLittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents."WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?""Igaveittoapooroldwoman,"heanswered."You'reagoodboy,"saidthemotherproudly."Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?""Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy."好孩子小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢?！白蛱旖o你的錢干什么了？〞“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，〞他回答說(shuō)?！澳阏媸莻€(gè)好孩子，〞媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)?！霸俳o你兩分錢?？赡銥槭裁磳?duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？〞“她是個(gè)賣糖果的。〞DrunkOneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,"What'sthemeaningoftheword'Drunk',dad?""Well,myson,"hisfatherreplied,"look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk.""But,dad,"theboysaid,"there'sonlyONEpoliceman！"醉酒一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？〞“唔，孩子，〞父親回答說(shuō)，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。〞“可是，爸爸，〞孩子說(shuō)，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！〞HospitalityThehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest'splate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:"Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?""Intherat-trap,sir,"repliedtheboy。AGirlJustLikeMotherNomatterwhichgirlhebroughthome,theyoungmanfounddisapprovalfromhismother.Afriendgavehimadvice.“Findagirljustlikeyourmother—thenshe'sboundtolikeher.Sotheyoungmansearchedandsearched,andfinallyfoundthegirl.Hetoldhisfriendlyadviser:“Justlikeyousaid,Ifoundagirlwholooked,talked,dressed,andevencookedlikemother.Andjustasyousaid,motherlikedher〞“So,〞askedthefriend,“whathappened?〞“Nothing,〞saidtheyoungman.“Myfatherhatesher!〞37.和母親一樣的女孩無(wú)論帶哪一個(gè)女孩回家，這位青年人總會(huì)遭到母親的反對(duì)。一位朋友勸他說(shuō)：“找一個(gè)和