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文檔簡介

Auntie姑媽

YououghttohaveknownAunty;shewassolovely.Andyet,tobemorespecific,she

wasn,tlovelyintheusualsenseoftheword,butshewassweetandcharmingand

funnyinherownway-justthetypetogossipaboutwhenoneisinthemoodtogossip

andbefacetiousoversomeone.Sheshouldhavebeenputinaplay,justbecauseshe

herselfsimplylivedforthetheaterandeverythingthatgoesoninit.Shewasso

veryrespectable,evenifAgentNob,whomAuntycalledSnob,saidshewas

stage-struck.

“Thetheaterismyschoolroom,z/shesaid,“myfountainofknowledge.ThereIhave

brusheduponmyoldBiblicalhistory.TakeMoses,forinstance,orJosephandHis

Brethren-they,reoperasnow.ItisfromthetheaterthatI'vegainedmyknowledge

ofworldhistory,geography,andhumannature.I'velearnedaboutParisianlifefrom

Frenchfarces-it'snaughty,butveryinteresting.HowIhavecriedoverThe

RiquebourgFamily-tothinkthatthehusbandhadtodrinkhimselftodeathjust

sohiswifecouldgetheryoungsweetheart!Ah,yes,many,sthetearI'veshedin

thefiftyyearsI'vebeengoingtothetheater!,z

Auntykneweveryplay,everypieceofscenery,everyactorwhocameonoreverhad

comeon.Shereallyonlylivedduringtheninemonthsofthetheatricalseason.A

summerwithoutasummerstockcompanywasenoughtoageher,whileaneveningat

thetheaterthatlastedtillpastmidnightprolongedherlife.Shedidn,tsay,as

peopledid,“Nowwewillhavespring;thestorkhascome!〃or,"There'sanitemin

thepaperabouttheearlystrawberries!z/Instead,sheannouncedthecomingofautumn,

“Haveyouseenthattheboxofficeisopen?They'11begintheperformancessoon!,z

Shereckonedthevalueofahouseanditslocationbyitsdistancefromthetheater.

Shewasheartbrokentohavetoleavethenarrowalleybehindthetheaterandmove

toawidestreetalittlefartheraway,andliveinahousewheretherewereno

neighborsoppositeher.

〃Athomemywindowmustbemyboxatthetheater.Youcan'tsitbyyourselfwithout

everseeingpeople.ButwhereIlivenow,itseemsasifI'vemovedwayoutinto

thecountry.IfIwanttoseepeople,Ihavetogointothekitchenandclimbup

ontothesink.That'stheonlywayIcanseemyneighbors.Now,inthatoldalley

ofmineIcouldlookrightintothelinendealer's,andthenIwasonlythreesteps

fromthetheater;nowIamthreethousandstepsaway-aguardsman,ssteps,atthat!,z

Auntymightsometimesbeill,buthoweverbadlyshehappenedtofeel,shenevermissed

thetheater.Oneeveningherdoctororderedhertoputherfeetinsour-dough

poultices;shedidashetoldher,butrodeofftothetheaterandsattherewith

herfeetinsourdough.Ifshehaddiedthereitwouldhavepleasedher.Thorvaldsen

diedinthetheater;andshecalledthat〃ablesseddeath.,z

Shecouldnotimagineheaveniftherewerenotheaterthere;indeed,itwasnever

promisedtous,butitsurelywasconceivablethatthemanygreatactorsandactresses

whohadgoneonbeforewouldwanttocontinuetheirwork.

Auntyhadherownprivatewirefromthetheatertoherroom;andthe"telegram"came

everySundayforcoffee.HerprivatewirewasMr.Sivertsen,ofthestage-setting

1

department.Itwashewhogavethesignalfortheraisingandloweringofthecurtain,

thesettingorstrikingofthescenery.

Fromhimshereceivedabrief,expressivereportofeachoftheplays.Shakespeare's

Tempesthecalledz/detestablestuff-there,ssomuchtosetup!Why,itbeginswith

waterdowntothefirstsidedrop!,zThatistosay,therollingbillowsextended

farforwardonthestage.Ontheotherhand,ifaplaycouldgothroughfiveacts

inoneandthesameset,hesaiditwassensibleandwellwritten;itwasaplay

ofrestthatcouldplayitself,withoutallthatsettinguptodo.

Intheearlierdays,Auntyrecalled,meaningsomethirty-oddyearsback,whenshe

andMr.Sivertsenwereindeedmuchyounger,hewasthenalreadyinthemechanical

department,and,asshecalledhim,her〃benefactor.〃Atthattimeitwascustomary

atthetown,sbigandonlytheatertoadmitspectatorsintothecockloft;everystage

carpenterhadoneortwoplacestodisposeof.Itwasoftenfilledtocapacity,and

withaveryselectcompany;itwassaidthewivesofgeneralsandcouncilmenhad

beenthere,becauseitwassointerestingtolookdownbehindthescenesandsee

howtheperformersstoodandmovedwhenthecurtainwasdown.

Auntyhadbeenthereseveraltimes,totragediesandballets,fortheproductions

requiringthelargestcastswerethemostinterestingtowatchfromtheloft.You

satupthereinalmostcompletedarkness,andmostpeoplebroughttheirsupperswith

them.Butoncethreeapplesandapackageofsandwichesfilledwithsausagefell

straightdownintotheprisonwhereUgolinowasabouttodieofhunger!Thesausage

producedatremendouseffect.Theaudiencelaughedandcheered,andthesausagewas

oneofthemainreasonswhythemanagementdecidedtoforbidadmissiontothe

cockloft.

“Butstillrvebeentherethirty-seventimes,,zsaidAunty."AndforthatIshall

alwaysbegratefultoMr.Sivertsen.,z

Onthelasteveningthatthecockloftwasopentothepublic,theyweregivingThe

JudgmentofSolomon.Auntycouldrememberitsowell,forfromherbenefactor,Mr.

Sivertsen,shehadobtainedaticketforAgentNob.Notthathedeservedit,for

healwaysmadefunofthetheaterandteasedheraboutit,butstillshehadgot

himaseatinthecockloft.Hewantedtolookatthegoings-oninthetheaterupside

down.zzThosewerehisverywords,andjustlikehim,,zsaidAunty.

AndsohesawTheJudgmentofSolomonfromabove,andfellasleep.Onewouldsurely

havethoughtthathehadcomefromabigdinnerandhaddrunkmanytoasts.Heslept

untilafterthetheaterwaslockedupandhadtospendthewholedarknightupin

theloft.Hehadastorytotellofhiswakingup,butAuntydidn,tbelieveaword

ofit.TheJudgmentofSolomonwasplayedout,thelightswereout,andallthepeople

wereout,aboveandbelow;butthenbegantheepilogue,therealcomedy,thebest

thingofall,accordingtotheagent.Thenlifecameintotheproperties,andit

wasn,tTheJudgmentofSolomonthatwasgivennow;no,itwasJudgmentDayatthe

Theater.AllthisAgentNobimpudentlytriedtocramintoAunty;thatwasherthanks

forgettinghimintothecockloft.

Thestorytheagenttoldwasamusingenoughtohear,butthereweremockeryandspite

behindit.

2

〃Itwasverydarkupthere,,zsaidtheagent,〃butthenthewitcherybegan,thegreat

spectacle,JudgmentDayattheTheater.Tickettakerswereatthedoors,andevery

spectatorhadtoshowhisspiritualtestimonial,todecidewhetherhecouldenter

freeorhandcuffed,andwithorwithoutamuzzle.Finesocietypeople,whocametoo

late,aftertheperformancehadbegun,andyoungfellowswhowastedtheirtimewere

hitchedoutside.Theretheyweremuzzled,andhadfeltsolesputundertheirshoes,

towalkinonintimeforthebeginningofthenextscene.AndthentheybeganJudgment

DayattheTheater.

“Purelywickedness,,zsaidAunty,“whichourLordknowsnothingabout!/z

Hadthescenepainterwantedtogetintoheavenhewouldhavehadtoclimbupsome

stairshehadpaintedhimselfbutwhichweretoosteepforanybodytouse.That,

ofcourse,wasbecauseofhissinagainstperspective.Thestagecarpenterwhohad

placedtheplantsandbuildingsinlandswheretheydidn,tbelonghadtomovethem

intotheirproperplacesbeforecockcrowingtime,ifheexpectedtogotoheaven.

Mr.Nobwouldhavetowatchhisownchancesofgettingthere!Andtohearwhathe

saidabouttheactors,bothincomedyandtragedy,orinsonganddance-why,it

wasshamefulofMr.Nob!Mr.Nob!Heneverdeservedhisplaceinthecockloft!Aunty

didn,tbelieveawordofwhathesaid.Hehadwrittenitallout,hesaid-thesnob!

-andwouldhaveitprinted,butnotuntilhewasdeadandburied,sincehehadno

wishtobeskinnedalive.

OnlyoncehadAuntyknownterrorandanguishinherowntempleofhappiness,the

theater.Itwasoneofthosegraywinterdayswhenwehaveonlytwohoursoffoggy

daylight;itwascoldandsnowing,butAuntywasboundforthetheater.Theywere

givingHermannvonUnna,besidesalittleoperaandagrandballet,withprologue

andepilogue-itwouldlastwellintothenight.Auntyhadtobethere;herlodger

hadlentherapairofsleighboots,shaggybothoutsideandinside,thatreached

allthewayupherlegs.

Auntyarrivedatthetheaterandwasseatedinabox;thebootsfeltwarm,soshe

keptthemon.Suddenlytherearosethecryof〃Fire!〃assmokerolledfromoneof

thewingsanddownfromthecockloft!Therewasafearfulpanic,andpeoplestormed

out.Auntywassittingfarthestfromthedoor-"secondtier,left-handside;from

therethedecorationslookbest,/zshesaid."Theyalwaysarrangethemsotheywill

looktheprettiestfromtheKing'ssideofthehouse.,zNowshewantedtogetout

ofthere,buttheexcitedpeopleinfrontofherthoughtlesslyslammedandjammed

thedoorshut.TherewasAunty,withnowayoutandnowayin,forthepartitions

betweentheboxesweretoohigh.Shecalledforhelp,butnobodyheardher.When

shelookedoveratthetierbeneath,shesawitwasempty;thebalustradewaslow;

andthedropwasn,tveryfar.Herfrightmadeherfeelyoungandactive,soshe

preparedtojump.Shegotonefootontheseatandtheotherovertherailing;there

shesatastride,welldrapedinherfloweredskirt,withonelonglegdanglingbelow,

aleginahugesleighboot.Thatwasasighttosee!Anditwasseen,whenfinally

hercrieswereheard;andthenshewaseasilyrescued,forthefiredidn'tamount

tomuch.

3

Thatwasthemostmemorableeveningofherlife,shesaid,andshewasgladshehadn,t

seenherself,forshewouldhavediedofshame!

Herbenefactorinthemechanicaldepartment,Mr.Sivertsen,cametoseeherregularly

everySunday.ButitwasalongtimebetweenSundays.Soinlateryears,inthemiddle

oftheweek,asmallchildwouldcometoherforthe〃leavings”;thatis,toget

hersupperfromtheremainsofAunty,sdinner.

Thislittlechildwasamemberoftheballetwhoreallyneededthefood.Sheplayed

therolesofapageorafairy,butherhardestpartwasthehindlegsofthelion

inMozart'sMagicFlute.Sheeventuallygrewuptobecomethefrontlegs,butfor

thisshewaspaidonlythreemarks,whileasthehindlegsshehadreceivedone

rix-dollar.Shehadhadtoc

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