英語的小短文笑話閱讀

1、英語的小短文笑話閱讀篇一：英語短文笑話(帶翻譯) 1、How much English can you speak? Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. Whats more, he only speaks a few words of English. The judge looked a

2、t the defendant and asked, How much English can you speak? The defendant looked up and said, Give me your wallet! 中文翻譯 法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。 法官看了看被告，問道：你會說多少英文？ 被告抬起頭，說：把你的錢包給我！ 2 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicate

3、d that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, What? 丈夫給妻子看了一項調(diào)查結(jié)果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個

4、字，而女人每天使用30000個。 妻子想了一會兒說，女人每天說的字?jǐn)?shù)是男人的兩倍，因為她們必須重復(fù)已經(jīng)說過的話。 他問：什么？ 3 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：這個座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。 4、 Tom, whats the matter with your brother? asked the mother in the kitchen. Hes crying. Oh, nothing, Mum, replied Tom. Im e

5、ating my cake. He is crying because I wont give him any. But has he finished his own cake? Yes. said Tom. And he also cried when I was helping him finish that. 湯姆，你弟弟怎么了？ 媽媽在廚房里問。他在哭。 沒事兒，媽媽， 湯姆答道。我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因為我不給他吃。 他已經(jīng)吃完自己的了么？ 是的。 我?guī)退酝陼r，他也哭了。 2021-6-7 A guy says to his friend, Guess how many coin

6、s I have in my pocket. The friends says, If I guess right, will you give me one of them? The first guys says, If you guess right, Ill give you both of them! 路人甲對路人乙說，猜猜我兜里有幾個子兒？ 路人乙說：我猜對了，你能給我一個不？ 路人甲說：你要猜對了，我兩個全部給你！ 2021-6-6研究生和本科生的區(qū)別 I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class,

7、said an instructor at a university graduate engineering course. When I say Good afternoon, the undergraduates respond Good afternoon. But the graduate students just write it down. 一個教師在研究生工程學(xué)課堂上說：我一眼就能看出來哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。 我說下午好的時候，本科生回答下午好，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上。 2021-6-5 Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month

8、has 28 days? Tom: Every month. 爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？ 湯姆：每個月都有??！ 2021-6-4making faces Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly

9、 faces, my face would freeze and stay like that. Bobby looked up and replied, Well, Ms Smith, you cant say you werent warned. 史密斯小姐發(fā)現(xiàn)她的一名學(xué)生在操場上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責(zé)他。 這位主日學(xué)校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說：博比，我小的時候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會僵硬，永遠(yuǎn)都那么丑。 博比抬頭看了看老師，說：史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。 2021-6-3 A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings hi

10、s friend with him. While hes talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As theyre leaving, his friend says to his grandma, Thanks for the peanuts. She says, Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off.一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。

11、 當(dāng)他和祖母聊天時，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都給吃光了。 他們離開時，他的朋友對祖母說:謝謝您的花生。 結(jié)果祖母說:唉！自從我牙齒掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。 2021-6-2 A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey cur

12、led up and died. All right, son, asked the father, What does that show you? Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms. 一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多么可怕。 他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對比。清水里蟲子安然無恙，結(jié)果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。 所以，兒子啊，父親問道，得出什么結(jié)論？ 恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚里就不會長蟲了！ 2021-6-1 Looking very unhappy

13、, a poor man entered a doctors consulting-room. Doctor, he said, you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago. Good heavens, man! said the doctor. Why have you waited so long? Why dont you come to me on the day you swallowed it? To tell you the truth, Doctor, the poor man replied, I didnt

14、 need the money so badly then. 中文翻譯： 一個看起來很難受的窮人走進(jìn)大夫的診室。 大夫！他說，幫幫我！一個月前我吞了一分硬幣！ 天哪，大夫說，早干嘛去了？你當(dāng)時怎么不來看？ 實話告訴您吧，大夫，窮人說，我當(dāng)時還不缺錢！ 2021-5-31 Boy: Hi, didnt we go on dates before? Onec or twice? Girl: Mustve been once. I never make the same mistake twice. 男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。女孩：應(yīng)該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯

15、誤。 2021-5-30 In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, What is the most important physiological quality of a musician? To be deaf, replied the boy. Nonsense! said the teacher angrily. Why, sir! Dont you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf? t

16、he boy asked in reply disdainfully. 在一次音樂學(xué)院的入學(xué)考試中，老師問其中一個男孩：音樂家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么？ 耳聾，男孩答道。 胡說！老師氣憤地說。 怎么了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個聾子嗎？男孩輕蔑地反問道。 2021-5-28 A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression. Bartender: Whats the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife? The man: We had a fight, and

17、she told me that she wasnt going to speak to me for a month. Bartender: That should make you happy. The man: No, the month is up today! 一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。 酒吧招待：你怎么了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？ 男人：我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。 酒吧招待：那你應(yīng)該高興才是?。?男人：不，今天是這個月的最后一天。 我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？ 女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。 2021-5-22 Doctor: Your cough sounds much bet

18、ter today. Patient: It should. Ive been practicing all night. 醫(yī)生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。 病人：應(yīng)該如此。我昨晚練習(xí)了一整夜。 2021-5-21 Pete: The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed Id ever done came into my mind. Bob: Must have been a pretty hig

19、h mountain you fell from. 皮特：我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當(dāng)我跌落的時候，我腦海里浮現(xiàn)了我做過的所有蠢事。 鮑勃：你一定是從萬丈高山上跌落的吧。 2021-5-19 Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:I PRAY FOR A BIKE. I PRAY

20、FOR A NEW DVD. His older brother nudged him and said, Why are you shouting your prayers? God isnt deaf. To which the little brother replied, No, but Grandma is! 2個男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: 我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD 哥哥用肘輕推他: 你為什么大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。 弟弟答道:上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。篇二：英語短文笑話全集 英語短文笑話 1,Two birls Teacher: Here

21、 are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 兩只鳥 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？ 學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知

22、道答案。 老師：請說說看。 學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。 2. The Fish Net Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann? A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl. 魚網(wǎng) 你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安？ 老師發(fā)問道。 把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。 小女孩回答道。 3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. G

23、eorge, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother. I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too. 新老師 9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。 喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？ 媽媽問。 媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics ex

24、amination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nicks answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考試 在一次物理考試時，當(dāng)同學(xué)們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。 這個問題是：為什么在打雷時

25、，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？ 尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。 A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident. The carpenter replied twenty seven feet, six and one half inches. What? How come you are so sure of that distance?, asked the judge. Wel

26、l, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it! replied the carpenter. 距事故的距離 一個木匠為一個目擊的事故做證詞.法官問他與事故發(fā)生地方的距離有多遠(yuǎn). 這個木匠回答道:27英尺6.5英寸遠(yuǎn). 什么?你怎么對這個距離如此肯定?這個法官問道. 噢,我知道有些白癡會問我,所以我測量了一下.這個木匠回答道. 稱重 An irritated woman burst into the bakers shop and said:I sent my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this mor

27、ning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales. The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied:Maam, I suggest you weigh your son. 一個女人怒氣沖沖的闖進(jìn)面包店，說：“今早上我讓我兒子買了2磅的餅干，但是當(dāng)我稱它們的時候卻只有一磅了。我覺得你的稱有問題”。面包師鎮(zhèn)定的看了看女人，說：“女士，我覺 得您該回去稱一稱您的兒子” Troub

28、le you again A robust-lookinggentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. Do you recall, he asked pleasantly, how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldnt pay for it, you had me thrown

29、into the gutter like a common bum? Im very sorry sir. began the contrite headwaiter. Oh, its quite all right. said the guest, but Im afraid Ill have to trouble you again. 再次麻煩你 一個看起來很健壯的紳士在一個很貴的餐廳吃完精致的早餐并且喝了一些拿破侖白蘭地。然后他叫來服務(wù)生領(lǐng)班，“你還記得嗎？”他愉快的說道，“大概一年以前，我在這里像這樣就餐，然后因為我付不起帳，你把我想乞丐一樣扔進(jìn)排水溝里” “非常抱歉先生”后悔的服務(wù)生

30、領(lǐng)班說道。 “噢，那非常不錯”這個客人道，“但是 我恐怕還得再麻煩你一次。” 詞匯：1、gutter n.排水溝，臭水溝；2、bum n. 二流子，乞丐；3、headwaiter n.領(lǐng)班 丈夫和妻子 Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Husband: You tell a woman something. It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. 妻子：你給男人說點事，他左耳朵進(jìn)，右耳朵出。(轉(zhuǎn)身就給忘了) 丈夫：

31、你給女人說點事，她兩個耳朵都聽進(jìn)去了，可是從嘴里出來了。 你吹牛吧！ The little John taught his parrot to speak follow me to say that I can walk. I can walk. said the parrot following. I can speak. I can speak. The parrot simulatedas almost the same as he did. I can fly. You talk big. The parrot said without thinking for a while. Yo

32、u talk big 小約翰教他的鸚鵡說話“跟我說，我會走路. 我會走路”鸚鵡跟著說。 “我會說話?！?“我會說話。”鸚鵡模仿的和他說的幾乎一模一樣。 “我會飛。” “你吹牛吧?！丙W鵡不假思索地說。 相關(guān)詞匯解析：1.parrot n.鸚鵡；2.simulate vt.模仿 Five years experience and imagination Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel directors office. What is the meaning of th

33、is? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held. Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.5年經(jīng)驗和豐富想像力 只上了幾周班的年輕人被叫到了人事主管的辦公室。 “現(xiàn)在 我們確發(fā)現(xiàn)，” “是的”。年輕人說

34、，“你在應(yīng)聘廣告中說到，你想要的是一個有想像力的員工呀！”Proposal An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. Do you think shed marry me if I tell her Im 45? he asked a friend. Your chances are better, said the friend, if you tell her youre 90. 求婚 一位非常

35、富有的男人在他65歲的愛上了一位20歲的年輕女孩，他打算向她求婚。 “你認(rèn)為如果我告訴她我現(xiàn)在45歲她會答應(yīng)嫁給我嗎？”他問他的一個朋友。 他的朋友回答：“如果你告訴她你現(xiàn)在90歲的話，你成功的機(jī)率會更大?！?相關(guān)詞匯解析：1.proposal n.求婚；（還有建議，提案等，之前有學(xué)過了，大家還記得嗎？） 2.enormously adj.巨大的，龐大的； .contemplate vt. 預(yù)期，計劃 We Left Nothing Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for t

36、he milkman on the door: NOBODY HOME. DONT LEAVE ANYTHING. When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added: THANKS! WE HAVENT LEFT ANYTHING! We Left Nothing 布朗太太這天出門，走之前在門上訂了個便條給送奶工： 屋里沒人，什么都不用留。 晚上當(dāng)

37、她回家的時候，她發(fā)現(xiàn)她的門已經(jīng)被砸開，屋子被洗劫一空。 在她留的便條上，她發(fā)現(xiàn)被加一行留言： 謝謝！我們什么都沒留下！ 遲了四十年 An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by thedoorbell. He staggeredoff the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. Oh my goodness, the pretty young thing exclaimed, Im at

38、the wrong house. Sweetheart, youre at the right house, the old guy assured her. But youre forty years too late. 遲了四十年 一老頭睡得正香，突然被門鈴聲驚醒了，于是他緩緩地從沙發(fā)走向門口。開門一看，是一個 年輕美麗的女人。 “天哪，我找錯地方了”，.驚呼。 “寶貝，你沒走錯，你只是遲了四十年?！崩先苏f道。 相關(guān)詞匯解析 1. stagger vi.搖搖晃晃,蹣跚而行 2.gorgeous adj.華麗的，秀色可餐的，極好的 3.exclaim vi 驚叫，呼喊 英語笑話短文 Pig

39、or Witch A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells PIG! The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, WITCH(女巫)! They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the

40、next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen. 豬還是女巫 一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：“豬！”那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：“女巫！”他們繼續(xù)前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉(zhuǎn)彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。 Response Ability An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didnt constitute gambling, the minister replied, Its merely a scientific method of