荊柯刺秦英語劇本

1、一、Emperor and the Assassin 荊珂刺秦王搞笑英語話劇劇本旁白(Aside )/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sWordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But fin

2、ally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth. Action I 太子丹（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (畫外音：Its you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高興狀) Thank u mirror! （面對觀眾） Im Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am th

3、e most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 阿三(畢恭畢敬) : Honey, I am coming. 太子丹：Ive told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、gracefu

4、l 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng（作殺狀）太子：Oh yeah. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世紀(jì)最需要的是什么，人才！這句話要跟觀眾交流，最好由觀眾來回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做贊許狀） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三

5、：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?阿三：Yes. Action II（十面埋伏中劉德華&金成武決斗時的音樂）荊軻 Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荊軻OK. Im Jingke, you know

6、, I will let you know I am the king of the killers world.李莫愁A(yù)re you challenging me?荊軻 Off course! 聳聳肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音樂起兩人沖上前來“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，兩刀砍死你啊?！?李莫愁倒地荊軻大笑李莫愁痛苦狀：What happened? Why arent you hurt?荊軻: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （贏一個人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫

7、愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.荊軻再次大笑 太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?荊柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?荊柯：Fine

8、, thank you, and your wife?太子丹暈倒荊柯：Hey, man, Im kidding!太子丹：Oh, Im kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please?荊軻從兜里掏出一卷紙，上面寫著： To be or not to be, that's a question. 阿三：Hero，we need your help. 荊柯：I am busy now!太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荊柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?荊柯：I

9、am very very busy now!阿三(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours. 荊柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? Whats the TCM?荊柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didnt know TCM? Any of them

10、 can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? Whats the TCM?觀眾甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荊柯（激動）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always t

11、hreatens to leave me if I couldnt reduce my weight. 阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, Im very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？難道你真的想要嗎（No matter音樂起，荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁

12、入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。然后荊軻與太子丹跳倫巴，最后太子丹擺一個女性化的造型，向后彎腰并抬其中一條腿，荊軻做調(diào)戲狀。）荊柯(誠懇狀) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹與阿三（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah! Action （大話西游主題曲響起）荊珂挽著妻子，太子丹,阿三在后. 阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荊珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends太子丹：I will miss you, bab

13、y. （太子丹，阿三下。停頓。泰坦尼克號主題曲起，荊軻與妻子做Jack和rose在船頭的經(jīng)典造型，忽然荊軻看到一個美女此時一個中國古典美女經(jīng)過，向荊軻拋媚眼，并拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發(fā)覺不對，扭過頭來。）荊珂（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（肖申克的救贖）荊珂(流淚) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to

14、pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都會愛著你，選自飄)妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.荊珂（欲走還留，執(zhí)子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor. promise me you will survive. that you will never give up. no matter what happens. no matter how hopeless. promise me now, and ne

15、ver let go of that promise（泰坦尼克號沉船時，Jack對Rose的傾訴）. 妻子:"I promise." 荊軻:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."（荊軻的發(fā)音和jack很像，所以加了一些泰坦尼克號的臺詞。）妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，荊珂上船，漸漸遠(yuǎn)去妻子：Its a good day to die. Never come back. Never Never妻子(掏出手機(jī)撥號，阿三接手機(jī))： Th

16、ank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End二、7人英語話劇劇本-Net Friend,互聯(lián)網(wǎng)交友 Is it correct to make friends on the Internet? Will it be dangerous?

17、Bill, Hillary's younger brother, is a rude and impolite boy. Everyone in his school doesn't like him. However, he really wants to have a girlfriend, so he asks his sister to help him. Then Hillary pretended to be Bill on net and met a nice girl, Monica. Three months later, Hillary asked Moni

18、ca to go out with "Bill" (Her brother), and arranged everything for them. When they met each other at McDonald's, Monica found that Bill wasn't the one who she talked to on net. Then. Finally, Monica understands that it's very dangerous to date with strangers and trusts everyth

19、ing of which her net-friend told her. And we all should be very careful when we're on net. Scene I (In school cafeteria, students are having lunch) Bill: Hey, Jessie. (He pushed her shoulder very rudely) Can I join you? (Jessie didn't say a Word, and Bill just sat down) Bill: Wow! Wow! Wow!

20、You are wearing a nice dress today! Jessie: Thanks! Bill: Oh! What a beautiful hair clip. Where did you buy it? (Jessie didn't say anything.) Bill: Hey, you have a nice watch. (He held her hand strongly and Jessie got angry.) Jessie: Don't touch me! I don't want to talk to you. Leave me

21、alone! (Bill stood up and walked toward Carol. Bill sat down beside Carol without asking her) Bill: Hey, beautiful! How could you eat so little! It's not good for your health! Take this! (Bill wanted Carol to eat his food) Carol: No. Bill: Take it! (He was very rude and the plate fell down.) Car

22、ol: Hey! What are you doing! This is my new skirt! Bill: I'm sorry! Carol: Go away! You're such a rude guy! (Carol went away.) Bill: Did I do something wrong? (He talked to himself) Scene II (In Hillary's room. Hillary was surfing the net) Bill: Sis. Bill: Hillary! Hillary: Oh! Hi! Bill!

23、 How long have you been sitting there? Are you trying to scare me? (Bill didn't say a Word.) Hillary: Bill? What's wrong with you? What happened? Bill: I tried to draw some girls' attention but they just ignored me! Hillary: Hmm.Maybe the way you used was wrong. Bill: Yeah, maybe. But I

24、don't know how to attract them. Hillary, I just want to have a girlfriend? Hillary: Girlfriend? Bill: Yeah. Hillary: Let me see what I can do. Bill: So, can you help me? Hillary: Ok! Since you really want to have a girlfriend, I'll try to help you. Bill: Great! Thank you! You are a doll! (At

25、 this moment, Hillary's net-friend is calling her.) Hillary: Oh. My net-friend! Bill: Ok! Waiting for your good news! (Bill left Hillary's room and Hillary was thinking how she helped Bill.) Hillary: Yeah! That's it! I can pretend to be Bill and find a girlfriend on the Internet! (She op

26、ened the PC and saw a girl's name "Monica".) Hillary: (Laughing.) Monica! (A little bit surprised) Hillary: (Talked to herself) It is the same name as the girl of Clinton's sexual scandal. Hmm. Let me send a message to her. Hillary: Hi! I'm Bill! Glad to meet you! Monica: Hello

27、, Bill! , Glad to meet you, too. I'm a college student, and you? Hillary: Me three Monica: (Laughing.) You're a humorous person! Hillary: Thanks! I guess you're a female, aren't you? Monica: Yes, I am. Hillary: (Talked to herself) Great! She's a girl. Monica: And you? Hillary: Oh

28、. I'm a "boy" Monica: Which school club are you in? Hillary: Computer Information Club. Monica: Oh! Really? So you must be a computer expert! Hillary: You can say that again. Monica: You know I'm interested in computers, too. So, can you teach me or tell me something about them? Hi

29、llary: Sure! It's my pleasure! ( .Two hours later .) Hillary: Oh! It's interesting to chat with you. Monica: Yeah! I'm very happy, too. IIiIIaiy: Will you be here tomorrow? At the same time? Monica: I think so, I hope we can meet again. Hillary: Ok, I'll be here tomorrow, Bye! Bye! M

30、onica: Bye! Saying: From then on, Monica and Hillary continue chatting with each other after school. (At Monica's room. As soon as Monica came back home from school,she started surfing the net. Then, her mom came into her room. She knocked her door, but no oneanswered the door) Mom: I'm comi

31、ng! Mom: Oh! Monica, my darling! I've just baked some cookies. Want some? Monica: No, thanks! I have something important to do. Mom: What are you busy doing? Monica: I'm surfing the net and talking to my net-friend. Mom: Net-friends! They are strangers. You even don't know who they are.

32、I read from the newspapers. Lot's of things happened on net. You should be more careful and you have to watch out for your net-friends, You're so young Monica: Ok. ok. .I know, Mom. Don't worry about me. (Mom walked out her room. and Monica saw Hillary) Monica: Hello! Bill! Hillary: Hi!

33、Monica! How's school today? Monica: Wonderful! It's really a nice day! Hillary: Monica! I think we've known each other for a long time. And I just wonder whether you would go out with me? Monica: (Talk to herself) Go out with him? Monica: Sure, I would like to. I think you're a polit

34、e and humorous person. It may be interesting to go out with you! Hillary: That's great! How about we meeting at McDonald's on Ming-Chang Road this weekend? Monica: All right! It's a deal! But how can I recognize you? Hilillary: I'll wear a blue shirt, blue jeans, a blue caps and also

35、 carry a blue knapsack. Besides, I'll stand beside the trash can. Monica: All in blue! Wow! Ok! That will be easy for me to recognize you. Hillary: Yeah! I'll be waiting for you! Monica: Ok! See you Monica: (Talk to herself) Ha! I'm looking forward to it! Hillary: (Talk to herself) Yes,

36、I made it. I'm going to tell Bill this good news! ScenceIII (At McDonald's, Bill was waiting for Monica. A few minutes later, Monica saw Bill and walked toward Bill) Monica: Hi. Are you Bill? Bill: Yes, I am. You're Monica? Monica: Yeah. that's right. Bill: You look great! Monica: Yo

37、u're not bad, either. Hey, Let's find a table! Bill: Yeah! How about that one? I've ordered some things. (They found a table and began talking.) Monica: Bill! Bill: Monica! Bill: Oh! Lady first! Monica: Bill, have you already finished your computer report? Bill: Uh.Uh. Did I tell you tha

38、t? Monica: Yes, you did. You said it was about how to kill virus. Did you find out how to do that? Bill: Kill virus? That's easy for me. I'm a genius. Just use a knife. Monica: A knife? Bill: Yeah! Knife can kill everything. Monica: What are you talking about? Alright! Alright! Forget it! An

39、d how about the novel we discussed last week? Bill: Novel? I've read so many novels, which one? Monica: "The old man and the sea", don't you forget? What happened to that old man? Bill: Yeah! That old man! He caught a big fish and then became a hero. Monica: Hmm. He has a strong wi

40、ll, doesn't he? He never gives up anything. And how about the fish? Bill: Did you forget? He cooked the fish and ate it! Monica: Andit's delicious, right? Bill: You got it! It's very delicious! Monica: Nonsense! The fish was eaten by the sharks . You're not Bill, are you? Bill: Of co

41、urse I'm Bill. "BI-L-L" Monica: But you seem different from the way you are on net. Who are you for God's sake? Bill: Ok. I tell you the truth. I'm Bill, but not the one you talked to on net. That was my sister, Hillary. Monica: Are you kidding me? Bill: No, that's true. I

42、really want to have a girlfriend, so she helped me out. She met you on net and thought you're a nice girl. So she arranged us to meet each other. Monica: That means both of you tricked me? Bill: So what? That's Hillary's idea. Monica: You. .You. (She is very angry) Monica: Gosh! I was tr

43、icked for such a long time! Scence IV (Monica left McDonald angrily) (At Monica's room, again.) Monica: (Crying) How foolish I was! What on earth was I doing? (Still crying) I think I need someone to talk to. (She looked around and saw the time) Monica: Ah, 8:30. It's "Paula's Time.

44、" (She turned on the TV) Paula: Welcome to "Paula's Time" I'm Paula Jones, not Dow Jones. Today we'll discuss some net problems. Nowadays Internet helps modern people live more convenient lives, get the latest information. You can say that we live in an Internet world. How

45、ever, some bad guys made use of Internet to do illegal deals or trick people. So, today we will listen to some friends' problems and help them solve it. Our hot line number is 111-1234. Please dial it as soon as possible. I'm waiting for your call-in. OK. Who's the first friend? Monica:

46、Hi, Paula, I'm Monica. Paula: Yes, Monica, what do you want to share with us? Monica: I met a girl, Hillary, on net three months ago. She pretended to be her brother, Bill, and chatted with me. But I didn't know the truth until yesterday that we arranged to meet each other. He told me that H

47、illary surfed the net to help him find a girlfriend. And that was me. I felt I was tricked and I was very sad. Do you think I'm wrong? Paula: It seems like Bill takes special interests in Monica just like our president. Monica, it's a serious and common social problem in modern society. Lots

48、 of people want to make friends on the Internet. But you must be careful. On the net, people use nicknames to protect themselves, or even trick others to do something bad. Everyone on the net wears a mask. Sometimes it's evil that hides under the mask. So you had better watch out. Never date wit

49、h strangers by yourself. Strangers are dangerous. Monica: Thanks, Paula. You do help me a lot. I know what I should do now. (Suddenly someone is calling Monica on net) Starr: Hi! Monica! I'm Starr. May I make friends with you? Monica: Oh! No! Not again! (Lights out) The End三、Scene I(Green Garden

50、 St.)(During the rush hours, when the street is crowded , Mr. Green is driving past the red light , unexpectedly a car accident happens. Two people came out of their cars angrily.)Miss Blue: Oh! It's you, Mr. Green. Do you know how to drive your car?Mr. Green: You see that I was driving across t

51、he road! Wow! There is a dent on my beloved BENZ.Miss Blue: My BMW has got a dent too, you should compensate me.(While they are quarrelling, later on, the police comes.)Police: What's happened?Mr. Green: She has bumped into my car!Miss Blue: No! It is himself that drove past the red light.(Quarr

52、el again .)Police: Has any one been injured?Mr. Green: I feel headache , foot ache , ache very much.Miss Blue: I ache all over too.(Both of them mourn painfully.)Police: Then I'll call an ambulance (O-E-O-E .).Scene II(Blue Sky Hospital-Emergency)(Ambulance sends them to the hospital)Nurse: Who

53、is injured?(Both of them say it is themselves at the same time.)Nurse: What's your name, Mr.?Mr. Green: Call me DPP Green.Nurse: (Unhappy facial expression) Oh! Go to the corner and sit there.Mr. Green: But . (nurse interrupts)Nurse: Go! Don't speak any words.what's your name, Miss?Miss

54、Blue: My name is KMT Blue.Nurse: (gentle and smiles) Oh, Miss this side, please. Would you tell me how you are feeling?Miss Blue: Oh! I ache all over.Nurse: OK! I'll help you stop the pain first, and then the doctor will treat you in a while.(Mr. Green comes over to require medical treatment, bu

55、t rejected)Mr. Green: Nurse, I.I feel.Nurse: Wait there, didn't you hear me?(Mr. Green goes back helplessly, the doctor comes over at this moment.)Nurse: The young lady called KMT Blue.KMT Blue.Doctor: Ok! I see. How are you, Miss?Miss Blue: I got an car accident and I ache all over.Doctor: (Che

56、ck) It's ok.don't worry about it. I'll give you some medicine. You'll get well soon.Miss Blue: Thank you, doctor.(Miss Blue leaves.)Doctor: Next one. (Mr. Green comes in and Dr. reads his medical record) You are called DPP Green!Mr. Green: Yeah! Any problem with that ?Doctor: Hmm.(Co

57、nsider) DPP Green (Raise up voice)? What's wrong with you?Mr. Green: I ache all over-headache, toothache and foot ache (The doctor interrupts him impatiently) .Doctor: I. I. I see, Miss Lin give Mr. Green an injection.Mr. Green: What? An injection?(Nurse takes out the syringe)Nurse: Where do you

58、 want to inject?(Mr. Green is frightened and shivering .)Mr. Green: Well, doctor .that .I do not ache anymore, I.I want to leave.Nurse: Wait! Don't go.(Nurse pulls Mr. Green and forces him to enter the injection room)Mr. Green: Wow! . That hurts!(Miss Blue goes out of the emergency room, but Mr. Green leaves in terrible pain.)孔雀東南飛焦仲卿Johnny (J for short)劉蘭芝Lunch(L for short)焦母Johnnysmother(JM for short)劉母Lunchsmother(LM for short)太守之子Mayors son(MS for short)強(qiáng)盜Burglars(A B and C)Prologue(