CET寫作典型例文精彩點評(一)

CET寫作典型例文精彩點評（一）1.Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.____________

2.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.___________________

3.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.

___________________________

例1．（2分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Longage,womenonlydidsomethinginthekitchenorathome.Nowmanyofthemhaveseriousjobstoserveforpeople.Whatmencandosocanwomen.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Todayinthefamily,thewifeoftenlotsherhusbandtodosomethingathomebatago,onlywomendidsomething.Menarefonedofdoingsomethingathome.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened.Inthefactorythewonmentoasmuchasthemen,buttheyarepaidlessthanthemen.Somepeoplehavenotcompletelyrealizedtheliberationofwomen.

東方訓(xùn)練點評：條理不清，思路紊亂，大局部句子均有錯誤，有的甚至影響理解。

詳細(xì)問題剖析：(1)缺乏規(guī)律，東一句西一句，沒有圍繞中心論述，如第一段就沒有綻開論述婦女社會角色的轉(zhuǎn)變，說得太籠統(tǒng)而缺乏說服力。

（2）用漢語思維，句子有明顯的漢語痕跡，如“Whatmencandosocanwomen.”，應(yīng)改為“Womencandowhatmencando”。

（3）連接不自然，沒有用適當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)聯(lián)詞，如“Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened”，應(yīng)改為“Thecasethathusbandhitshiswifeoftenhappens.”

（4）拼寫錯誤許多，大局部句子均有錯誤。

例2．（5分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.Theyworkedaswellasmenplayinganimportantpartinfactories.Therearemanywomeningovernmentalso.Theyleadotherpeoplecountry,andmakeoutplans.Therearemanyscientistslso.Theyeventnewthingstoimproveourlife.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Inancient,women’spositioninfamilyispity.Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.Butnowitischanged.Theyareequaltoherhusband.Theyhavetherightofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Wealsoshouldrealize,women’likertyarelimited.Forexample,manyfactorieswantmenbecomeitsworkersbutthechanceofwomenislessthanmen.Everyoneshoulddotheirbesttochangethiscondition.I’msure,theliberationofwomenwouldbeincreased.

東方訓(xùn)練點評：根本切題。但表達(dá)思想不清晰，連貫性差。有較多的嚴(yán)峻語言錯誤。

詳細(xì)問題剖析：（1）各段圍繞中心句論述不深入，沒有說服力。

（2）連接不自然，沒有用適當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)聯(lián)詞，如第一段幾個句子之間可以用一些“besides”、“ontheotherhand”、“furthermore”、“inaddition”等。

（3）語言錯誤較多，許多句子不通順，如“Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.”應(yīng)改為“Today,manywomengetajob.”(濫用介詞)；“Inancient,women’spositioninfamilyispity”中pity應(yīng)改為pitiful（詞形誤用）；“Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.”中every改為everything，how改為what（代詞錯誤）；“Theyhavetherightofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.”應(yīng)改為“Theyhavetherighttoexpressideas,discussthingswiththeirrespectivehusband,anddowhattheywantto.”(人稱代詞前后不全都)。

例3．（8分段）

Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.ManyWomentodayareplayinganimportantpartatworksthatwasthoughtonlycouldbedonebythemenbefore.Foranexample.Somewomenarenotsecrtaryintheoffice,instead,theybecomemanagerofacompany.

Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Intheworldtoday,moreandmorewomenhavetheirownjob.Theygettheirownsalary,andbecomemoreindependentfromtheirhusband.Withtheeconomicsituationimproved,theirfamilypositionisimproving.

Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Manyhusbandsonlywanthiswifetostayathome,anddohouseworksordosomeshopping.Theyonlywanttheirwifetobeahousewife,butnotamanagerofacompany.

東方訓(xùn)練點評：根本切題。有些地方表達(dá)思想不夠清晰，文字牽強(qiáng)連貫；語言錯誤相當(dāng)多，其中有一些是嚴(yán)峻錯誤。

詳細(xì)問題剖析：（1）論證不夠深入，缺少事例，缺少說服力。

（2）文字缺連貫、且顯累贅，如其次段可以把各句再改得簡練一點并且有適當(dāng)?shù)霓D(zhuǎn)承詞。（