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審—評(píng)--改TeachingobjectivesTolearnhowtoanalyzetherequirementsinpracticalwritingTolearnthescoringcriteriaToscoretheworkswrittenbystudentsaccordingtothestandard原題再現(xiàn)(濟(jì)寧期末)66.假定你是李華,上周末你校舉辦了冬季運(yùn)動(dòng)會(huì),你目睹了很多感人瞬間,請(qǐng)你給英國(guó)朋友Ryan寫封郵件分享其中一個(gè)。內(nèi)容包括:1.感人瞬間;2.你的感想。注意:1.寫作詞數(shù)應(yīng)為80個(gè)左右;2.請(qǐng)按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。審題文體:背景分析:

時(shí)間:

地點(diǎn):

人物:

寫信對(duì)象:三.寫作要點(diǎn):書信,朋友之間(非正式)上周末(過去式)你們學(xué)校運(yùn)動(dòng)員Ryan(李華的外國(guó)朋友:對(duì)等關(guān)系)介紹感人瞬間+個(gè)人感想篇章構(gòu)思第一段:第二段:第三段:引入話題描述感人瞬間表達(dá)感想Whatsportseventscanyouthinkof?Trackandfieldmeets:100-meterdash/race

200-meterdash

therelayrace

highjump

longjumpskipropeshotput(鉛球)

tug-of–war(拔河)Ballgames:basketballgame

footballmatch

badmintoncompetition

tabletennis第一段:引入話題簡(jiǎn)要提及上周末學(xué)校舉辦了冬季運(yùn)動(dòng)會(huì),引出要分享一個(gè)感人瞬間的主題,讓朋友了解郵件背景。

DearRyan,Howareyou?Lastweekend,ourschoolheldanexcitingWinterSportsMeeting.Itwasfilledwithintensecompetitionsand,moreimportantly,manyheartwarmingmoments.Ican'twaittoshareoneofthemwithyou第二段:描述感人瞬間(Body)Whattouchingmomentscanyoudescribe?OlympicMotto

Faster,Higher,Stronger更團(tuán)結(jié)Together(2021)必修一Unit3Developingideas真題再現(xiàn)

2022年全國(guó)新課標(biāo)卷I第二節(jié)(滿分25分)

閱讀下面材料,根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫兩段,使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

Itwasthedayofthebigcross-countryrun.Studentsfromsevendifferentprimaryschoolsinandaroundthesmalltownwerewarmingupandwalkingtheroute(路線)throughthickevergreenforest.IlookedaroundandfinallyspottedDavid,whowasstandingbyhimselfofftothesidebyafence.Hewassmallfortenyearsold.Hisusualbigtoothysmilewasabsenttoday.Iwalkedoverandaskedhimwhyhewasn’twiththeotherchildren.Hehesitatedandthensaidhehaddecidednottorun.

Whatwaswrong?Hehadworkedsohardforthisevent!

Iquicklysearchedthecrowdfortheschool’scoachandaskedhimwhathadhappened.“Iwasafraidthatkidsfromotherschoolswouldlaughathim,”heexplaineduncomfortably.“Igavehimthechoicetorunornot,andlethimdecide.”Ibitbackmyfrustration(懊惱).Iknewthecoachmeantwell—hethoughthewasdoingtherightthing.AftermakingsurethatDavidcouldrunifhewanted,Iturnedtofindhimcomingtowardsme,hissmallbodyrockingfromsidetosideasheswunghisfeetforward.

Davidhadabraindiseasewhichpreventedhimfromwalkingorrunninglikeotherchildren,butatschoolhisclassmatesthoughtofhimasaregularkid.Healwaysparticipatedtothebestofhisabilityinwhatevertheyweredoing.ThatwaswhynoneofthechildrenthoughtitunusualthatDavidhaddecidedtojointhecross-countryteam.Itjusttookhimlonger—that’sall.Davidhadnotmissedasinglepractice,andalthoughhealwaysfinishedhisrunlongaftertheotherchildren,hedidalwaysfinish.Asaspecialeducationteacherattheschool,IwasfamiliarwiththechallengesDavidfacedandwasproudofhisstrongdetermination.

Para.1Wesatdownnexttoeachother,butDavidwouldn’tlookatme.

Para.2IwatchedasDavidmoveduptothestartinglinewiththeotherrunners.Para.2IwatchedasDavidmoveduptothestartinglinewiththeotherrunners.Withablastofthegun,Davidtriedhisbesttoshootfromthestartline,buthefailed.Painfulandabitembarrassedashewas,hestilldraggedhisfeettokeepmovingforward.Thesunwasbeatingdown,thehotweathersuffocating.Afterwhatseemedyears,David,rockinghissmallbodylikeacatonahotbrick,eventuallyfinishedhisrunasthelastone.Whenapproachingthefinishline,heburstintoabigtoothysmileandwavedtomewithexcitement,crying“Imadeit!Imadeit!”Allthekidsincludingthosefromotherschoolseruptedintoabigapplause,cheeringforhisdeterminationandpersistence.Atthatmoment,aflushofadmirationandjoysweptoverme.Generalintroduction:BackgroundWhathesaw/heardHowhefelt選擇性必修一Unit3第二段:描述感人瞬間詳細(xì)講述在長(zhǎng)跑比賽中,一位同學(xué)摔倒后,其他同學(xué)放棄競(jìng)爭(zhēng)名次,紛紛折返去攙扶他,一起沖過終點(diǎn)的場(chǎng)景,重點(diǎn)刻畫同學(xué)們的動(dòng)作、表情等細(xì)節(jié)。Duringthe1500-meterrace,thetrackwasicyinsomeparts.Onerunnerslippedandfellheavily.Insteadofseizingthechancetospeedahead,severalnearbyrunnersimmediatelystoppedintheirtracks.Theyturnedbackwithouthesitation,theirfacesfullofconcern.Withgreatcare,theyhelpedthefallenclassmateupandsupportedhim,stepbystep,towardsthefinishline.Thecrowd,whichhadbeensilentforamoment,eruptedintothunderousapplause.第三段:表達(dá)感想闡述這個(gè)瞬間讓自己看到了同學(xué)間真摯的友誼、團(tuán)結(jié)精神,以及超越比賽勝負(fù)的高尚品質(zhì),表明此事對(duì)自己的觸動(dòng)。/體育精神合理的廢話Feelings–體育精神類Everysinglememberoftheteamtookpainstofightinthegame.Strongteamspiritcontributesgreatlytotheirsuccess.Winninggoldinthecompetitioncapturetheteam’scompetitivespirit.Their

perseverancepaidoffwithanepiccomebackagainstthedefendingchampion.Showingastrongwill/thesteeliestnerves,theyplayedaclosematchagainst…他們表現(xiàn)出堅(jiān)強(qiáng)的意志/鋼鐵般的意志,與對(duì)手進(jìn)行了一場(chǎng)勢(shì)均力敵的比賽…Thismomentreallytouchedmedeeply.Itmademerealizethatinourschoollife,friendshipandunityarefarmorepreciousthanwinningarace.It'sthesequalitiesthatmakeourschoolcommunitysowarmandstrong.Ibelievesuchbeautifulmomentscanalsobefoundeverywhereinyourschoollife.Hopeyou'rehavingagreattime!DearRyan,Howisitgoing?Youwon’tbelieveit—the4×400mrelayatourWinterSportsMeettotallystolethespotlight!Thestorygoeslikethis.Ourleadrunnerwasracingtowardsvictory,whenoutofnowhere,hetrippedandfelljustafewmetersfromthefinishline,spraininghisankle.Despitetheintensepain,hestruggledtohisfeetandinchedtowardsthefinishlinedeterminedly,whichearnedgreatcheersofencouragementfromthecrowd,fuelinghisresolve.Finally,hemadeit.Hisperseveranceisadmirableandinspiring,servingasapowerfulreminderthatweshouldnevergiveupeasilywhenstrivingforourgoals,howeverdifficultthecircumstances.Stayintouchandexchangemoreofourlife’sbeautifulstoriesinthefuture.Bestregards,LiHua譯文:親愛的瑞安:

最近怎么樣?你絕對(duì)想不到,我們冬季運(yùn)動(dòng)會(huì)的4×400米接力賽成了全場(chǎng)焦點(diǎn)!

事情是這樣的。我們的第一棒選手一路領(lǐng)先,眼看就要沖線,卻突然在離終點(diǎn)線幾米遠(yuǎn)的地方絆倒了,扭傷了腳踝。盡管疼痛難忍,他還是掙扎著站起來(lái),一瘸一拐地向終點(diǎn)線挪去,這種堅(jiān)定的毅力贏得了觀眾陣陣加油聲,也激勵(lì)著他繼續(xù)前進(jìn)。最終,他成功沖線。他的堅(jiān)韌不拔令人欽佩,也鼓舞著我們,無(wú)論情況多么艱難,都不要輕易放棄。

期待未來(lái)能與你分享更多生活中的美好故事,保持聯(lián)系。評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)passionforamountsof大量的,修飾不可數(shù)名詞SharethemostimpressiveonewasmovedcompetitionUnexpectedly,hetrippedandfelljustafewmetersfromthefinishline,spraininghisankle.10分錯(cuò)誤分析與修改

表達(dá)較生硬,“substantial”在這里使用不太合適,可改為“Isawmanytouchingmomentsinthisevent.”

Atthebeginn

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