兒童英文笑話

TellalieMom:"Whichbananadoyouwant,Victor?"Victor:"Iwantthatoneofthegreatest."Mom:"Victor,youshouldbepolite,tohavethatlittleone."Victor:"Mom,Imustlietobepolite?"媽媽：“你要哪一只香蕉，維克多？”維克多：“我要那只最大的?！眿寢專骸熬S克多，你應(yīng)該懂禮貌，要那只小的?！本S克多：“媽媽，難道懂禮貌就必須說(shuō)謊嗎？”IDon'tLikeanArgument我不想爭(zhēng)論Gerald,askedtheteacher,whatistheshapeoftheearth?It'sround,answeredGerald.Howdoyouknowit'sround?continuedtheteacher.Allright,it'ssquarethen,hereplied,Ireallydon'tfeellikegettingintoanargumentaboutit!杰拉爾德，老師問(wèn)：地球是什么形狀？是圓形的，杰拉爾德回答道。你怎么知道是圓的？老師又問(wèn)。好吧，那它是方的，學(xué)生回答說(shuō)：我可不想與你爭(zhēng)論這件事情。TwoBirds兩只鳥(niǎo)Teacher:Herearetwobirds,oneisaswallow,theotherissparrow.Nowwhocantelluswhichiswhich?Student:IcannotpointoutbutIknowtheanswer.Teacher:Pleasetellus.Student:Theswallowisbesidethesparrowandthesparrowisbesidetheswallow.老師：這兒有兩只鳥(niǎo)，一只是麻雀。誰(shuí)能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老師：請(qǐng)說(shuō)說(shuō)看。學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。ThreeTurtles三只烏龜Threeturtlesdecidedtohaveacupofcoffee.Justastheygotintothecafe,itstartedtorain.Thebiggestturtlesaidtothesmallestone,"Gohomeandgettheumbrella."Thelittleturtlereplied,"Iwill,ifyoudon'tdrinkmyoffee.""Wewon't,"theothertwopromised.Twoyearslaterthebigturtlesaidtothemiddleturtle,"Well,Iguessheisn'tcomingback,sowemightaswelldrinkhiscoffee."Justthenavoicecalledfromoutsidethedoor,"Ifyoudo,Iwon'tgo."三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來(lái)。于是最大的那只烏龜對(duì)最小的烏龜說(shuō)，“回家去取傘吧?！弊钚〉臑觚斦f(shuō)，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去?！薄拔覀儾缓?，”另外兩只烏龜答應(yīng)說(shuō)。兩年后，大烏龜對(duì)中烏龜說(shuō)，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來(lái)了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了?！闭谶@時(shí)，一個(gè)聲音從門外傳來(lái)，“你們要是喝了，我就不去。”WhoIstheLaziest誰(shuí)最懶Father:Well,Tom,Iaskedtoyourteachertoday,andnowIwanttoaskyouaquestion.Whoisthelaziestpersoninyourclass?Tom:Idon'tknow,father.Father:Oh,yes,youdo!Think!Whenotherboysandgirlsaredoingandwriting,whositsintheclassandonlywatcheshowotherpeoplework?Tom:Ourteacher,father.父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過(guò)，現(xiàn)在我想問(wèn)你個(gè)問(wèn)題。你們班上誰(shuí)最懶？湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。父親：啊，不對(duì)，你知道！想想看，當(dāng)別的孩子們都在做作業(yè)、寫(xiě)字時(shí)，誰(shuí)在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。Buttheteachercried可是老師哭了Thesix-year-oldJohnwasterriblyspoiled（被寵壞的）.Hisfatherknewit,buthisgrandmadotedonhim.Hehardlyleftherside.Andwhenhewantedanything,heeithercriedorthrewatempertantrum（亂發(fā)脾氣）.Thencamehisfirstdayofschool,hisfirstdayawayfromhisgrandmother'slovingarms.Whenhecamehomefromschoolhisgrandmamethimatthedoor.Wasschoolallright?sheasked,Didyougetalongallright?didyoucry?Cry?Johnasked.No,Ididn'tcry,buttheteacherdid!六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)才離開(kāi)祖母的懷抱。約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接他并問(wèn)道：學(xué)校怎么樣？你過(guò)的好嗎？哭了沒(méi)有？哭？約翰問(wèn)，不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了?！斑€有警察?！?/p>

“我可以和他們說(shuō)話嗎？”“他們很忙?！?/p>

“那還有其他人嗎？”“還有消防員?！薄拔铱梢院退麄冋f(shuō)話嗎？”“他們也很忙?！薄罢?qǐng)直接告訴我——你的父母、警察和消防員都在你家，但他們都很忙，他們到底在干什么？”“在找我。”Tom'sexcuse湯姆的借口Teacher:Tom,whyareyoulateforschooleveryday?Tom:EverytimeIcometothecorner,asignsays,School-GoSlow.老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學(xué)遲到？湯姆：我每次路過(guò)拐角，一個(gè)路標(biāo)上面寫(xiě)著：學(xué)校----慢行。Icannotseeitatall我根本就看不見(jiàn)Aftersupper,theparentswerebusyplayingmah-jongwiththeguests.AtthispointthemotherthoughtofsomethingandsaidtohersonwhowaswatchingTV,"Honey,goseeifthekitchenlightisonornot?"Afterawhile,hersonreturnedandsaid,"Ma,thekitchenissodarkthatIcannotseeitatall."晚飯后，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時(shí)母親忽然想起點(diǎn)兒事來(lái)，便對(duì)正在看電視的兒子說(shuō)道：“寶貝，去看看廚房里的燈是不是還開(kāi)著呢？”過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，兒子回來(lái)說(shuō)：“媽，廚房里太黑了，我根本就看不見(jiàn)。”TheNewTeacher新老師GeorgecomesfromschoolonthefirstofSeptember."George,howdidyoulikeyournewteacher?"askedhismother."Ididn'tlikeher,Mother,becauseshesaidthatthreeandthreeweresixandthenshesaidthattwoandfourweresixtoo....."9月1日，喬治放學(xué)回到家里?！皢讨?，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？”媽媽問(wèn)?！皨寢專也幌矚g，因?yàn)樗f(shuō)3加3得6,可后來(lái)又說(shuō)2加4也得6?！盜fIamaManager如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理Onedayinclass,theteacherassignedhisstudentstowriteacomposition–IfIAmaManager.Allthestudentsbegantowriteexceptaboy.Theteacherwenttohimandaskedthereason.Iamwaitingformysecretary,wastheboy’sanswer.一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理為題寫(xiě)一篇作文。所有的學(xué)生都在動(dòng)筆寫(xiě)了，只有一個(gè)男生例外。老師走過(guò)去問(wèn)他為什么不寫(xiě)。我在等我的秘書(shū)。那孩子答道。Bighands大手Teacher:IfIhadsevenorangesinonehandandeightorangesintheother,whatwouldIhave?Student:Bighands.老師：如果我左手上有7個(gè)桔子，右手上有8個(gè)桔子。那么我有什么？學(xué)生：大手。一場(chǎng)特殊的足球比賽Mikewaslateforschool.Hesaidtohisteacher,Mr.Black,"Excusemeformycominglate,sir.Iwatchedafootballmatchinmydream.""Whydiditmakeyoulate?"inquiredtheteacher."Becauseneitherteamcouldwinthegame,soitlastedalongtime."repliedMike.麥克上學(xué)遲到了。他對(duì)布萊克老師說(shuō)：“對(duì)不起，老師，今天早上我遲到了。因?yàn)槲以趬?mèng)里觀看了一場(chǎng)球賽?！薄盀槭裁此鼤?huì)讓你遲到呢？”老師問(wèn)道。“因?yàn)檫@兩個(gè)隊(duì)都沒(méi)有能力獲勝，所以就持續(xù)的時(shí)間長(zhǎng)了?！丙溈嘶卮鹫f(shuō)。AllRight沒(méi)關(guān)系Hurryingmy11-yearolddaughtertoschool,Imadearightturnataredlightwhenitwasprohibited.Uh-oh,Isaid,realizingmymistake.Ijustmakeanillegalturn.Iguessit'sallright,mydaughterreplied,Thepolicecarbehindusdidthesamething.我趕著開(kāi)車將11歲的女兒送到學(xué)校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的(譯注:在一些國(guó)家如英國(guó),其交通規(guī)則是車輛左行的,與我國(guó)相反)。啊噢，意識(shí)到犯了錯(cuò)誤，我說(shuō)。我剛才拐彎是違章的。我想那沒(méi)關(guān)系的，女兒回答說(shuō)：我們后面的警車也同樣拐了彎。