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1、Unit 8The Discus ThrowerRichard Selzer1 I spy on my patients. Ought not a doctor to observe his patients by any means and from any stance that he might take for the more fully assemble evidence? So I stand in the doorways of hospital rooms and gaze. Oh, it is not all that furtive an act. Those in be

2、d need only look up to discover me. But they never do.2 From the doorway of Room 542 the man in the bed seems deeply tanned. Blue eyes and close-cropped white hair give him the appearance of vigor and good health. But I know that his skin is not brown from the sun. It is rusted, rather, in the last

3、stage of containing the vile repose within. And the blue eyes are frosted, looking inward like the windows of a snowbound cottage. This man is blind. This man is also legless the right leg missing from midthigh down, the left from just below the knee.It gives him the look of a bonsai, roots and bran

4、ches pruned into the dwarfed facsimile of a great tree.Propped on pillows, he cups his right thigh in both hands. Now and then he shakes his head as though acknowledging the intensity of his suffering. In all of this he makes no sound. Is he mute as well as blind?The room in which he dwells is empty

5、 of all possessions no get -well cards, small, private caches of food, day-old flowers, slippers, all the usual kickshaws of the sick room. There is only the bed, a chair, a nightstand, and a tray on wheels that can be swung across his lap for meals.“ What time is it? ” he asks.“ Three o clock. ”“ M

6、orning or afternoon? ”“ Afternoon. ”He is silent. There is nothing else he wants to know.“ How are you? ” I say.“ Who are you? ” he asks.“ It s the doctor. How do you feel?”He does not answer right away.“ Feel? ” he says.“ I hope you feel better,” I say.I press the button at the side of the bed.“ Do

7、wn you go, ” I say.“ Yes, down, ” he says.He falls back upon the bed awkwardly. His stumps, unweighted by legs and feet, rise in the air, presenting themselves. I unwrap the bandages from the stumps, and begin to cut away the black scabs and the dead, glazed fat with scissors and forceps. A shard of

8、 white bone comes loose. I pick it away. I wash the wounds with disinfectant and redress the stumps. All this while, he does not speak. What is he thinking behind those lids that do not blink? Is he remembering a time when he was whole? Does he dream of feet? Or when his body was not a rotting log?H

9、e lies solid and inert. In spite of everything, he remains impressive, as though he were a sailor standing athwart a slanting deck.“ Anything more I can do for you?” I ask.For a long moment he is silent.“ Yes, h”e says at last and without the least irony. “ Yocuan bring me a pair of shoes. ”In the c

10、orridor, the head nurse is waiting for me.“ Wehave to do something about him, ” she says. “ Every morninghe ordersscrambled eggs for breakfast, and, instead of eating them, he picks up the plate and throws it against the wall.”“ Throws his plate? ”“ Nasty. That swhat he is. No wonder his family does

11、n ctome to visit. They probably can t stand him any more than we can.”She is waiting for me to do something.“ Well? ”“ We ll see, ” I say.The next morning I am waiting in the corridor when the kitchen delivers his breakfast. I watch the aide place the tray on the stand and swing it across his lap. S

12、he presses the button to raise the head of the bed. Then she leaves.In time the man reaches to find the rim of the tray, then on to find the dome of the covered dish. He lifts off the cover and places it on the stand. He fingers across the plate until he probes the eggs. He lifts the plate in both h

13、ands, sets it on the palm of his right hand, centers it, balances it. He hefts it up and down slightly, getting the feel on it. Abruptly, he draws back his right arm as far as he can.There is the crack of the plate breaking against the wall at the foot of his bed and the small wet sound of the scram

14、bled eggs dropping to the floor.And then he laughs. It is a sound you have never heard. It is something newunder the sun. It could cure cancer.Out in the corridor, the eyes of the head nurse narrow.“ Laughed, did he? ”She writes something down on her clipboard.A second aide arrives, brings a second

15、breakfast tray, puts it on the nightstand,out of his reach. She looks over at me shaking her head and making her mouth go. I see that we are to be accomplices.“ I ve got to feed you, ” she says to the man.“ Oh, no, you don t, ” the man says.“ Oh, yes, I do, ” the aide says, “ after the way you just

16、did. Nurse says so.“ Get me my shoes, ” the man says.“ Here s the oatmeal, ” the aide says.“ Open. ” And she touches the spoon to hislower lip.“ I ordered scrambled eggs, ” says the man.“ That s right, ” the aide says.I step forward.“ Is there anything I can do? say. ” I“ Who are you? ” the man asks

17、.In the evening I go once more to that ward to make my rounds. The head nurse reports to me that Room 542 is deceased. She has discovered this by accident, she says. No, there had been no sound. Nothing. Itssin g,sshaebsleays.I go into his room, a spy looking for secrets. He is still there in his be

18、d. His face is relaxed, grave, dignified. After a while, I turn to leave. My gaze sweeps the wall at the foot of the bed, and I see the place where it has been repeatedly washed, where the wall looks very clean and white.擲鐵餅者理查德塞爾澤我窺探我的病人。 為了更加全面地搜集例證, 難道醫(yī)生不應(yīng)該用任何方法、 從任何位置觀察病人嗎?于是我站在醫(yī)院病房門口凝望。 哦, 這算不上

19、太鬼鬼祟祟的勾當(dāng)。 那些躺在床上的人只需抬頭就可以發(fā)現(xiàn)我。但他們從不抬頭。從 542 病房門口可以看到,躺在床上的男子膚色很深。藍(lán)色的眼睛和剪得很短的白發(fā)給人富有活力、 健康良好的印象。但我知道, 他的褐色皮膚并不是曬太陽(yáng)的緣故, 而是機(jī)體生銹衰退、 體內(nèi)糜爛污物沉積、 病入膏肓的表現(xiàn)。 他的藍(lán)眼睛霧蒙蒙的,看上去像被白雪覆蓋的鄉(xiāng)間小屋的窗戶。他是個(gè)盲人。而且他失去了雙腿 右腿是大腿中間以下缺失,左腿是膝蓋以下。這讓他看上去像一個(gè)盆景,仿佛樹根和樹枝都被修剪掉的微縮版的大樹。依靠枕頭的支撐,他用雙手環(huán)抱著右大腿。他不時(shí)晃動(dòng)腦袋來訴說他承受的巨大痛苦。但他始終一聲不吭。他看不見了,難道也啞了?他

20、住的房間空空蕩蕩 沒有祝愿康復(fù)的卡片, 沒有私藏的食物,沒有放了一些時(shí)日的鮮花,也沒有拖鞋,沒有病房里經(jīng)??吹降臇|西。只有病床、椅子、床頭柜和一個(gè)帶輪子的可以轉(zhuǎn)到面前用來吃飯的托板?!艾F(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)了? ”他問道?!? 點(diǎn)。 ”“凌晨還是下午? ”“下午。 ”他沉默不語(yǔ)。他想知道的只有這些?!澳杏X怎樣? ”我問?!澳闶钦l? ”他問?!搬t(yī)生。您感覺怎樣? ”他沒有馬上回答?!案杏X ? ”他說。“我希望您感覺好些了。 ”我說。我按了一下病床邊上的按鈕。“您躺下來。 ”我說?!笆堑?,躺下來。 ”他說。他笨拙地倒回到病床上。他的殘肢失去了雙腿與雙腳的支撐,抬起在空中,暴露無遺。我把殘肢上的繃帶解開, 開始

21、用剪刀和鑷子把黑色的硬皮和壞死凝滯的脂肪剪掉。 一段白色骨片即將脫落, 我把它去除掉。 我用消毒液清洗傷口,將殘肢重新包扎起來。整個(gè)過程他默不作聲。 在那眨也不眨的眼皮后面, 他在想什么呢?他在回憶四肢健全的時(shí)光嗎?他在夢(mèng)回?fù)碛须p足的往昔嗎?或是回想他的身體不是現(xiàn)在這樣一截日益凋朽的殘干的過去嗎?他僵直地躺著。盡管如此,他仍然令人印象深刻,如同一名斜立在傾側(cè)甲板上的水手?!拔疫€能為您做點(diǎn)什么? ”他沉默了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間?!笆堑?, ”終于他一本正經(jīng)地說: “你給我拿雙鞋過來吧。 ”走廊里,護(hù)士長(zhǎng)正等著我。“我們對(duì)他不能束手無策。 ”她說, “每天早飯他都要求吃炒蛋,但是,他從來不吃,拿起盤子就砸在墻上。 ”“砸盤子? ”真討厭。他就是這種人。難怪家里人不來看他。也許就像我們受不了他一樣,他家里 人

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